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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated November 4 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a excellent first part of this story where you've really pulled the reader into the story and dragged him/her right along to the end.

Characters: You did a good job of portraying Joshua through his thoughts and actions.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ begin a three year commitment as a mining specialist '
Suggest: begin a three-year commitment as a mining specialist

In this phrase, ‘ 2-mile wide rock could strike Io, '
Suggest: two-mile wide rock could strike Io,


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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252
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece, but I was a bit confused. Are you referring to reality being relived in a nightmare or simply a haunting dream?

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review of The Storm  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a good piece that leaves me with feelings of deep sadness with an undercurrent of hope. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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254
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful poem that carries a very sweet message. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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255
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Newbies Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

First, let me welcome you to the WDC family. I hope you find this as enjoyable an experience as I have.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece where you've put out some good thoughts. However, it does need a considerable amount of editorial work.

Grammar & Punctuation: The first word of a sentence should always be capitalized.

Suggest checking for the missing apostrophe in contractions, i.e., "it's", "can't" and "shouldn't".

The pronoun "I" should always be capitalized.

Some of the sentences here are very long. You may want to break them into shorter ones.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ why the hell are we taught '
Suggest: Why the hell are we taught

In this phrase, ‘ do you ever actuallyget the hang of it? '
Suggest: Do you ever actually get the hang of it?


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated November 4 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very intriguing story but the final few sentences seem a bit of a let down. I think I would have rather seen her escape by running all the way home.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ but she had taken this route many nights and has never once been on the receiving end of such an attack.
Suggest: but she had taken this route many nights and had never once been on the receiving end of such an attack.

In this phrase, ‘ The In that instant she realized that she was not alone, '
Suggest: In that instant she realized that she was not alone,

In this phrase, ‘ There where people dancing and swirling '
Suggest: There were people dancing and swirling

In this phrase, ‘ All of a Sudden Rachel could not move, '
Suggest: All of a sudden Rachel could not move,

In this phrase, ‘ spectres began to slow in their dream like dances, '
Suggest: spectres began to slow in their dream-like dances,

In this sentence, ‘ It was as if time itself has slowed stopped completely. '
Suggest: It was as if time itself had slowed, stopped completely.

In this phrase, ‘ watched the seemingly involuntary movements in a trace like state for quite sometime. '
Suggest: watched the seemingly involuntary movements in a trace-like state for quite sometime.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Penny  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Stories Newsletter dated October 29 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece although it left me feeling a little confused as to the motivation behind this encounter and his real reaction to it.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation: Numbers one through ten should be spelled out.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ 2 litres of cola, beep. '
Suggest: Two litres of cola, beep.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated October 29 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good story that would make a great chiller for those evenings around the campfire.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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259
Review of Slippage  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated October 29 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting tale where one little thing holds so many connections.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ And every time he'd reach out to touch her she'd melt through his embrace '
Suggest: And every time he'd reach out to touch her, she'd melt through his embrace

In this phrase, ‘ jolted back to the present, blood shot and teary. '
Suggest: jolted back to the present, eyes blood shot and teary.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of "Dear Patsy"  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated October 29 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful little piece of the sudden "findiing" of a relative never known. It is very moving.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ October nineteenth nineteen thirty four in Virginia. '
Suggest:October nineteenth, nineteen-thirty-four in Virginia.

In this phrase, ‘ mind you not the violin of the sophisticated , but the fiddle. '
Suggest:{/cmind you not the violin of the sophisticated, but the fiddle.

In this phrase, ‘ and did the house work thing and also worked and also learned life wasn’t so easy. '
Suggest: and did the housework thing, worked and also learned life wasn’t so easy.

In this phrase, ‘ while living on as little as four hundred and forty four dollars only a month. '
Suggest: while living on as little as four-hundred and forty-four dollars a month.

In this phrase, ‘ writing songs and having people sing my music’s. '
Suggest: writing songs and having people sing my music.

In this sentence, ‘ Then I graduated into writing novel’s. '
Suggest: Then I graduated into writing novels.

In this phrase, ‘ This story is a fictional story wrote by me '
Suggest: This story is fictional, written by me

In this phrase, ‘ my own works and know she is still singing for all of us in her works she left us all. '
Suggest: my own works and know she is still singing for all of us in the legacy she left us all.

In this phrase, ‘ but she is a Ledged and lives on. '
Suggest: but she is a Ledgend and lives on.

In this phrase, ‘ I could just barely see the firefly’s starting to come out '
Suggest: I could just barely see the fireflies starting to come out

In this phrase, ‘ and their were cousin’s upon cousins, '
Suggest: and there were cousin’s upon cousins,

In this phrase, ‘ The year was nineteen sixty three and Virginia would be singing this week end for all of us. '
Suggest: The year was nineteen-sixty-three and Virginia would be singing this weekend for all of us.

In this phrase, ‘ she would be a great country singer like was on the radio now day’s '
Suggest: she would be a great country singer like was on the radio nowadays


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of You Did What ??  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated October 29 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very clever little story, but I'm afraid Larry Price has my sympathy. Good job.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ for twenty five years as its top type-setter and editor. '
Suggest: for twenty-five years as its top type-setter and editor.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Short Story Newsletter dated October 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really good tale where you've made Uriah very believable. I just love a ghost story.

Characters: You did a good job of portraying the viewpoint character so that I was sympathetic with him.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ My fifth grade teacher said once that my name's redundant '
Suggest: My fifth-grade teacher said once that my name's redundant


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Irish Rose  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance/Love Newsletter dated October 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a beautiful, but overwhelmingly sad, story you have told in letter format. It brought tears to my eyes and pain to my heart. Well done.

Characters: You did a very good job of portraying your main character through her thoughts and feelings.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Cliffhanger  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated October 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting piece although the title is a bit misleading. I couldn't help but wonder what or whom she was trying to escape. A bit more information would aid understanding.

Format: Suggest putting thoughts into italics in order to differentiate them from regular narrative.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ they were useless with the down pour and the muddy ditches that she encountered. '
Suggest: they were useless with the downpour and the muddy ditches that she encountered.

In these sentences, ‘ She felt her toes edge up back to the edge. Her heel slid off the edge. '
Suggest: Try to substitute two of the edges.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Dreaming  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated October 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting take on dreams and dreaming that I have never heard of before. Nicely related.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated October 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a terrific story where you've done a good job of personfying the Christmas Tree through the children's eyes. Nicely done.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ but there is one particular histree that stands out in my mind. '
Suggest: but there is one particular that stands out in my mind.

In this phrase, ‘ my five-year-old sister Tiffany cheered along with me. '
Suggest: my five-year-old sister, Tiffany, cheered along with me.

In this sentence, ‘ Only cut from out in the countree two days ago." '
Suggest: Only cut from out in the country two days ago."

In this phrase, ‘ flowing more slowly than a streem of sap. '
Suggest: flowing more slowly than a stream of sap.

In this phrase, ‘ watching as our mother scuffled back and forth between the stove and the pantree, '
Suggest: watching as our mother scuttled/shuffled back and forth between the stove and the pantry,

In this phrase, ‘ rice and poultree of some sort, '
Suggest: rice and poultry of some sort,

In this phrase, ‘ and look how we were treeting him in return. '
Suggest: and look how we were treating him in return.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated October 21 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a good piece that aptly describes the situation where many found themselves at that time.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ obtaining a glance of the falbed "No man's land".
Suggest: obtaining a glance of the fabled "No man's land".

In this phrase, ‘ The earth vomits pillars of black foetid smoke
Suggest: The earth vomits pillars of black fetid smoke

In this phrase, ‘ They are laden with bits flesh flap and clothing of those unfortunate ones
Suggest: Something seems to be missing here.

In this sentence, ‘ My war companion, Steven died last week.
Suggest: My war companion, Steven, died last week.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Never Too Old  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Romance/Love Newsletter dated October 15 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very sweet little tale of an aging couple still very much in love. Nicely done.

Characters: You have portrayed your two main characters very well through their words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic.

Format: You might want to add a line between paragraphs for easier reading.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ just as the intense, fire filled symphony of color was quieting down
Suggest: just as the intense, fire-filled symphony of color was quieting down

In this phrase, ‘ as Kishore Kumar’s voice streamed through the speakers, Keshu held out his,
Suggest: as Kishore Kumar’s voice streamed through the speakers, Keshu held out his arms,

In this phrase, ‘ “Keshu you freshen up,
Suggest: “Keshu, you freshen up,

In this phrase, ‘ “Ketki bring the tea
Suggest: “Ketki, bring the tea

In this phrase, ‘ and you my darling are just as young and beautiful as the day I married you
Suggest: and you, my darling, are just as young and beautiful as the day I married you


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of The Gulag  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated October 15 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a very interesting little story that does a good job of depicting the inmate's situation.

Characters: You have nicely portrayed your main character's reactions to the sudden strangeness of his surroundings.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ This five by five foot cinderblock hell '
Suggest: This five-by-five-foot cinderblock hell


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Poetic Flow  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a very descriptive poem that nicely describes what I, at least, get from poetry - it stirs the deepest feelings within you.

Grammar & Punctuation: I found no errors.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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271
Review of Scream!  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Jaye and I'm reviewing your piece on behalf of the Simply Positive Review Forum where you are listed as one of this week's selected reviewees.

General Impressions: This is a very good piece that paints a very bleak picture of our existence.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this line, ‘ Call it whatever you need to to stay happy.
Suggest: Call it whatever you need to stay happy.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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272
272
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Horror/Scary Newsletter dated October 15 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is an interesting tale. However, the ending doesn't seem as if it really winds up the story.

Grammar & Punctuation: When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ ‘Oh hello Mrs Lipscombe, do come in,’
Suggest: ‘Oh. hello. Mrs Lipscombe, do come in,’

In this phrase, ‘ ‘I suppose you want Peanut butter again do you?’
Suggest: ‘I suppose you want peanut butter again, do you?’

In this phrase, ‘ ‘Yes please!’ said Bradley
Suggest: ‘Yes, please!’ said Bradley

In this phrase, ‘ tilting backwards and forwards, knocking him to his feet.
Suggest: tilting backwards and forwards, knocking him off his feet.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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273
Review of Halloween Party  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated October 15 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a cute story that kids should certainly relate to.

Characters: You have done a very good job of portraying these two youngsters who come across very naturally.

Dialog: Dialog feels natural for this age group.

Grammar & Punctuation:
Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ In the corner Miss Abernathy, the third grade teacher,
Suggest: In the corner Miss Abernathy, the third-grade teacher,

In this phrase, ‘ a battery-powered “candle” providrf the only light
Suggest: a battery-powered “candle” provided the only light

In this phrase, ‘ “All right children,
Suggest: “All right, children,

In this phrase, ‘ Phil said as a high pitched screech
Suggest: Phil said as a high-pitched screech

In this phrase, ‘ Phil laughed quietly and thought as he stared walking to the gate,
Suggest: Phil laughed quietly and thought as he started walking to the gate,



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of The Wrong Vampire  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the For Authors Newsletter dated October 15 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a really different sort of vampire story. I found it very enjoyable.

Characters: You did a good job portrayiing your main characters through their thoughts as well as their words.

Dialog: Dialog is believable.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ pickup truck on county road 451 after a trip to Spooners gas station
Suggest: pickup truck on County Road 451 after a trip to Spooner's gas station

In this phrase, ‘ which placed him last in his high school graduating class
Suggest: which placed him last in his high-school graduating class

In this phrase, ‘ W have hen she opened the driver's door,
Suggest: When she opened the driver's door,

In this sentence, ‘ Beauregard where the hell are you?”
Suggest: Beauregard, where the hell are you?”

In this phrase, ‘ Where am I? he wondered
Suggest: Where am I?(Italicize) he wondered

In this sentence, ‘ "You need a safe place to rest during the night, because you can't ever let sunlight touch you."
Suggest: "You need a safe place to rest during the day, because you can't ever let sunlight touch you."

In this sentence, ‘ "Twenty seven hundred fifty is too high.
Suggest: "Twenty-seven-hundred-fifty is too high.

In this sentence, ‘ "Great. I'll see then."
Suggest: "Great. I'll see you then."

In this phrase, ‘ finally made a right hand turn onto a dirt road
Suggest: finally made a right-hand turn onto a dirt road

In this phrase, ‘ Two nights late at Julia sat at the table
Suggest: Two nights later at Julia sat at the table



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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Review of Edge of Reality  
Review by Jaye P. Marshall
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Drama Newsletter dated October 15 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a gripping story that grabs the reader's attention right away and holds onto it throughout until the final piece falls into place.

Characters: You did a good job of portraying all of the main characters through their words and actions.

Dialog: Dialog is realistic and feels natural.

Grammar & Punctuation: Numbers one through ten should be spelled out.

Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

Suggest a thorough proofread and edit, looking for the sort of things listed below.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ The fresh faced young man had thrown up in her pathetic rose bushes '
Suggest: The fresh-faced young man had thrown up in her pathetic rose bushes

In this phrase, ‘ flawless and sported a killer hour glass figure; '
Suggest: flawless and sported a killer hourglass figure;

In this phrase, ‘ Only a few friends, a small tight knit group '
Suggest: Only a few friends, a small tight-knit group

In this phrase, ‘ he mimicked his wife’s soft, sing song voice teasingly then swooped in and noisily kissed both wife and daughter playfully, smacking theatrically on top of their glorious naturally-golden haired heads.'
Suggest: he mimicked his wife’s soft, sing-song voice teasingly then swooped in and noisily kissed both wife and daughter playfully, smacking theatrically on top of their glorious naturally-golden-haired heads.

In this phrase, ‘ hired a full time housekeeper for them. '
Suggest: hired a full-time housekeeper for them.

In this phrase, ‘ the way it did to her big sister Leah, '
Suggest: the way it did to her big sister, Leah,

In this phrase, ‘ when she refused to leave her 8 year old sisters to go to college. '
Suggest: when she refused to leave her eight-year-old sisters to go to college.

In this phrase, ‘ for an assistants job at a trendy clothing store '
Suggest: for an assistant's job at a trendy clothing store

In this phrase, ‘ one of her regular singles cruises, which the girls had called Gold Diggers Cruises, '
Suggest: one of her regular single's cruises, which the girls had called Gold Digger's Cruises,

In this phrase, ‘ spending twenty one days at Southeast Hospital on the Psychiatric floor.'
Suggest: spending twenty-one days at Southeast Hospital on the Psychiatric floor.



These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!


For Members Of SIMPLY POSITIVE.

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