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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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426
426
Review of My New Tenant  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to stop by and return the review you did for me *Smile* I don't often read poetry so please bear with me!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This tells the story of a new tenant you have in your garden and your pondering thoughts about how to invite him inside or become a friend. I wasn't sure until the end what this new tenant was but then you tell us it's a flycatcher (is it a plant perhaps?)

The way you write this brings the reader in and invites them to consider what this new tenant could be. You use an array of wonderful description to describe him and it all works well I think!

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I have to listen to him because it's his previledge.

There's just a little typo here.

*BulletG*I have to listen to him because it's his privilege.


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
427
427
Review of The Beach  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return a review you did for me. I chose this piece because I got a sense that it could be a very deep and thought provoking piece.

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Carey who, after losing a loved one, feels she cannot do anything but wallow in her grief and continues to do so at the detriment of her family until something makes her see.

I think this is an emotional piece and while I felt her grief, perhaps a deeper look into the story would be a good idea. For example, it left me with questions about who she had lost as to why she was grieving so badly? Also, her children, how old were they to be left alone in their home like that? I got the impression they were quite young.

*People*Characters: Carey is the main character in this piece and we follow her thoughts as she grieves alone on the beach. I think you capture this part of her so well as I think everyone needs to grieve but she does it in her own way, away from other people and seeks solace rather than company.

*Home*Setting: This takes part on the beach outside of her home. The scene is set well with a lot of vivid description.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: this piece was really sad because of the grief that runs through it.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*blowing around her face where it clung wetly to the freshly fallen tears

I don't think you need the word 'wetly' here. It feels a little out of place and if she was crying the reader would know it was wet.

*BulletG*blowing around her face where it clung to the freshly fallen tears

*BulletB*Her cardigan, which she had blindly grabbed from her room in her haste to leave, did little to protect her against the gently falling rain.

I feel this is a little repetitive as before you mention the cardigan and that it wouldn't keep her protected from the winter night.

*BulletR*“Mummy is back now.” She told them quietly

This is a speech tag so the ending punctuation mark should be a comma rather than a full stop.

*BulletR*“Mummy is back now,” She told them quietly




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
428
428
Review of Amber Leaves  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I decided to do some random reviews and this piece popped up! *Smile*


*Checkg*What I liked:

I don't often read poetry so please bear with me *Smile* I really enjoyed reading this piece. You start it with the amber leaves of the cottonwood tree and take the reader through the memory of your grandparents. I felt the nostalgia you feel when looking at those trees and some of the sadness too. I think ending it with the cottomwood tree brings the poem full circle and concludes it nicely. This was a nice read, thanks for sharing!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
429
429
Review of Observation  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me and the subject of this piece caught my eye.

*Pencil*Storyline: This story tells of a younh girl who has become obsessed over a guy named Adam. I'd be interested in reading the next one!

*People*Characters: Jill is the main character in this piece. It seems she has developed some stalking tendencies even if she won't refer to it as that. IT's quite creepy just how much she knows about Adam and how much time she spends on following him.

*Home*Setting: This piece takes place at school. You allude to the place and drop hints which begins to set the scene.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*"I'm Adam by the way," He turned his head to smile at her.

Because this is an action tag, the speech should end with a full stop:

*BulletG*"I'm Adam by the way." He turned his head to smile at her.







Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
430
430
Review of Fear of darkness  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Moksha and Mohit, who move to Canada for a new job. Everything goes well for so long until Mohit is diagnosed with a brain tumor. Moksha is lost for a while but manages to pull it all together and go on with her life.

While this is a good piece it doesn't let me get inside of the minds of the characters. Perhaps a little more internal dialogue would let the reader understand the characters a little better and attach them to the story.

*People*Characters: Moksha and Mohit are the main characters in this piece. As I mentioned I feel like we could get into their minds a little more and begin to understand them as individual's as well as their relationship a bit more.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Toronto, Canada.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*After the introductions Willy took them to a suburb

This just needs a comma here.

*BulletG*After the introductions, Willy took them to a suburb

*BulletB*ladder of success and within in an incredibly

There's an extra word here.

*BulletB*ladder of success and within an incredibly

*BulletR*."It's been years since I saw dad and mom." she sighed

The action tag after the speech needs to begin with a capital.

*BulletR*."It's been years since I saw dad and mom." She sighed




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
431
431
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to come and return a review you did for me *Smile* I'm sorry it took a while to get here. I chose this piece because of the subject, I wanted to know what your thoughts were on reading.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really thought provoking piece. in this essay you convey to the reader your sense of reading and how much you love it. It seems that when you begin reading you allow yourself to be swept up into the story and the moment and enjoy every last bit of it. That's exactly how a book should be read I say! I really liked your analogy about fiction being as sweet as pastries and needing non-fiction to keep the mind healthy *Smile* I think that's pretty true too. PErhaps this is why my mind is flagging, not enough of the good stuff *Wink* Anyway, thank you for sharing this piece, it was a great read!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
432
432
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I wanted to come and return a review you did for me, I can only apologise it's coming so late. When I spotted this piece I knew I wanted to read it because it promised to be a thought provoking read.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really thought provoking piece that encourages the reader to consider the state of the world as well as what they do within it and what they can do to make their lives as well as society a better place. I honestly am so with you on the arguments you have here and I have to say ... chocolate shortage?!?! It can't be! I didn't know that could be a possibility and that's certainly a very scary thought *Sad* Let's hope it doesn't happen! But seriosly, thank you for a thought provoking read!

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*maybe even local politics,

This is the end of the sentence so needs a full stop rather than a comma.

*BulletG*maybe even local politics.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
433
433
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me! I don't often read poetry so please bear with me *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really intricate and vivid poem that considers what your colour is and how your colour interacts with others in the world. I really like the analogies you makes to the places where silver can be seen, often unnoticed but always there. To me that means your personality is the same, you are always there to offer support and encouragement but often, what you give goes unnoticed. I hope that doesn't sound too cynical. That's just my view of the poem.

I think the way it's written is brilliant, it really captures the tone and mood and essence of your colour *Heart*

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
434
434
Review of The Unexpected  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with your second review *Smile* I chose this piece because I want to know what unexpected thing happened!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Sharon and Steve, co workers who don't always get on but are forced to work together on a project. As they spend more and more time together their opinions of each other seem to change until it blossoms into a beautiful romance.

I think this is a really sweet story and I like the idea that all they needed was to spend some time together rather than listening to what other people have said. However, I think because of the way you have narrated this in third person omniescent, it feels a little detached and I found I couldn't connect with the characters. Perhaps choosing one and sticking with their point of view would help this piece along. It's just a suggestion, don't feel you have to do it!

*People*Characters: Sharon and Steve are the main characters here. The first thing we realise is that both of them are perceiving the other from the opinions of the other people in the office. As they begin to spend time together we realise that their opinions of each other are changing which is quite sweet and suggest both are open to change.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in the office but perhaps a little more decription would really help set the scene.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
435
435
Review of Falling in Love  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with my first of three reviews! I chose this piece because I wanted to see how you described falling in love in just 55 words! The idea intrigues me *Smile*

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really sweet short piece that captures the moment of falling in love with someone after he helps her up. I think the important part you captured is the meeting of eyes and you manage to get the intensity of it too. The ending was pretty good too, I liked that although she was falling in love she was still concerned. i guess that's how it is when we make ourselves vulnerable.

Thanks for sharing this!

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*She looked up at him and deeply into his eyes as reached to help her up from her fall.

I would suggest a little word change around here:

*BulletG*She looked up at him, deep into his eyes as he reached to help her up from her fall.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
436
436
Review of Waiting  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here to return a review you did for me, I can only apologise it's coming so late! I chose this piece because I prefer to read stories and the title of the piece caught my eye; waiting is never easy.

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of an army sargeant who, with his men on a plane ready to deploy, he contemplates his life as he waits. He goes through his cherished memories of his wife and his daughter. He takes the reader through the story and his life and allows them to get to know him.

*People*Characters: The sargeant is the main character here and it is his story we hear as he waits. I feel we get to know him, his family, his life and loves quite well through this time.

*Home*Setting: This is set on a plane as the men wait to deploy for a mission. The scene is set well.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
437
437
Review of Fear  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here to return a review you did for me, I can only apologise it took me a while to get here!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a man who is being pursued by nameless pursuers. It is about the chase and anxiety of it all.

*People*Characters: The main character is the one narrating the story as well as the one running from the pursuers. We know nothing about him but I think for such a short and adrenaline filled piece, this works just fine.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in a forest where the man is running from his pursuers. You set the scene so well using a myriad of vivd description.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: this is an adrenaline packed chase and you capture the anxiety so well!



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*
*BulletG*

*BulletB*
*BulletB*

*BulletR*
*BulletR*

*BulletV*
*BulletV*

*Bullet*
*Bullet*

*BulletG*
*BulletG*

*BulletB*
*BulletB*

*BulletR*
*BulletR*

*BulletV*
*BulletV*

*Bullet*
*Bullet*





*NoteR*A few parting comments...

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
438
438
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a Sisco's Good Deed Group Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me, I can only apologise it's taken me a while to get here!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a man who has everything but someone to share it with. He finally finds that person and weds him. Things are going really well until he is slaughtered in his sleep and his new partner, weeps and weeps and weeps and fertilises the land. This is a really nice piece and told in the traditional way of a fable. Perhaps a little more description in some places would help the reader see it more clearly.

*People*Characters: Avasae and Jacgu are the main characters here. We know they are both happy characters and work well as a couple, however, beyond that, we don't know anything else about them. Perhaps a little more character development, letting the reader know what they are like personality wise, would let them get more involved.

*Home*Setting: This is set in a different time, a land far away. Although you don't tell the reader where, you still manage to set the tone of the piece with the way you write it.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of Sisco's Good Deed Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
439
439
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I hit the random review button and your acrostic poem came up, so here I am with a review!


*Checkg*What I liked:

While I don't read much poetry I like acrostics and so I enjoyed reading this. Autumn is my favourite season so seeing this relived in the change in season and weather under a hazy sky was really nice for me *Smile* It made me smile. Each of the letters you have used counts, it works well together and reminds me of autumn. Thanks for sharing!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
440
440
Review of IMPORTANT!  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I saw that you just edited this in your port and I wanted to stop by and read. It was almost demanding me to read, after all! *Smile* Plus I owe you a review!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a man who, after picking up a photograph lost from an old man, tries to return it when he spots the cottage the picture is taken of, only when he enters the cottage is turns out he can never leave!

This was a really neat read and I thought the way you did it was really clever *Smile*

*People*Characters: There are two characters in this, the man who is telling the narrative and the man from the cottage. We don't find out a lot about either of them as this is more of a flash fiction but I think that's fine and it works well.

*Home*Setting: The setting of this piece changes but you set the scene well *Smile*



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
441
441
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review because you were jailed in "Invalid Item" !


*Checkg*What I liked:

I couldn't resist stopping by to read the other part of the story, so here I am! *Smile*

Pat, this was another amazing read. Your decision to adopt Tony was a big one but deep down you knew that it was the right thing to do. Through many trials and tribulations you persevered, supporting him all you could and helping him through the bad times. I am so proud of you for being able to do that and come through it, like you said, perhaps not at the happily ever after just yet, but heading for it *Smile*

Thank you again for sharing your insights on adoption, the process and the experience. The whole things has certainly been an eye opener and while it has done that it has not put me off.

Oh and Pat, you are such a wonderful person, don't ever forget that *Heart*


Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
442
442
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review because you were jailed in "Invalid Item" !


*Checkg*What I liked:


Hey Pat, when I spotted this piece I knew instantly that I wanted to read it. ADoption has always been something I thought I'd do so learning more about it seemed like a good idea. I know we're on different sides of the world but all experiences count.

Your story has been a big slice of reality and a thought provoking read. It shed some light on a lot of issues and helped me see both how rewarding and how draining adoption can be. I truly hope that things are still good for you (I think I recall that your daughter is now married?). I think sometimes a little bit of space and self protection are what is needed and you did the right thing by looking after you.

Thank you for sharing this *Heart*


Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
443
443
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review because you were jailed in "Invalid Item" !

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Jim and Marie who are driving to an appointment for Jim. Jim is reluctant to go burt Marie insists, telling him that smelling better will be better for him. You lead the reader down a blind twist and I like it *Smile* I bet I'm not the only one who thought this was all to do with his chain smoking habit!

*People*Characters:Jim and Marie are the characters in this piece. Marie is the caring wife, encouraging Jim to make the change he needs to, going with him. Jim comes across as a bit of a tough man. He doesn't want to change and doesn't see the need to change but is going for his wife.

*Home*Setting: This narrative takes place in the car and you set the scene well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece had a strong sense of relationship and reality.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
444
444
Review of The Minute  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review because you were jailed in "Invalid Item" ! I spotted this piece and the idea of a whole story fitting into a minute intrigued me!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a man who, on his usual morning routine, seems to get stuck in a sort of momentary ground hog day which only lasts a minute but repeats over and over until he is able to get free of it.

I feel the narrative is a little passive and in that respect, it didn't keep me as engaged, but as it went on and he went through the cycles, I got a little more hooked!

*People*Characters: John is the man in this piece who is going through an endless cycle of de ja vu. At first we see his confusion and then his frustration but then we begin to see a change in his thought pattern as he realises what he is missing and forgetting to do. As the cycles continue John's personality begins to change and we see him breaking it and being spontaneous.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in and around John's home.

*Checkg*What I liked: I really like the way we see John changing his thoughts as the cycles progress, I thought that was well done.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*and in a single fluid motion tha wasted little momentum
*BulletG*and in a single fluid motion that wasted little momentum

*BulletB*"That’s cute, dear.."

You only need one period here at the end of the speech.

*BulletB*"That’s cute, dear."





Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
445
445
Review of Last Words  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here to return a review you did for me, I can only apologise it's coming so late! I chose this piece because of the nature of it and also, Alice is my favourite name *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: You know, as I got to the end of this piece (which I really didn't see coming by the way) I felt a shiver go down my spine! This piece tells of a conversation between Alice and George, husband and wife, about why George won't be coming home anymore after he's been in an accident. This piece is written in entirely dialogue and makes me think there was a prompt to it.

*People*Characters: Alice and George are the main characters here. Alice presents as the loving, caring wife. She wants to make sure George is okay and is gradually scared by his condition and his words. George seems to be really laid back and we find out why towards the end of the story *Smile*

*Home*Setting: This is set in Alice and George's home.

*BurstR*Dialogue: This piece is written entirely in dialogue and I think it's really well done. You manage to incorporate the real life conversation that we hear, the emotions within that as well as actions. I think it's really well done.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
446
446
Review of Arizona Arcade  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return a review you did for me, I can only apologise it's taken me so long to get back to you! This piece intrigued me because I love games, so I wanted to see what this was all about.

*Pencil*Storyline: In this story we follow Jim as he plans and travels to the Yuma desert. I have to be honest and say that I didn't know a lot about what he was doing or why he was doing it. I also didn't find, as there usually is in a story, any conflict to impede Jim on his progress.

I would also say that the story seems to be told rather than shown. As a reader I found myself being told that this happens, then this happens, then Jim does this. To make it a bit more appealing I would have liked to know why and how and what things looked like and how he felt about it. That sort of detail makes the reader connect to the story. I hope that makes sense.

*People*Characters: Jim is the main character in this piece. Apart from the fact we know he wears denim and is travelling to the Yuma desert we don't know anything about him. I wanted to know why he was going to the desert, what his employment was, what his interests were. I also find that letting the reader know how the character is reacting and feeling through each part of the narrative helps them connect to that character.

*Home*Setting: This piece changes setting but the aim of it is to get to the Yuma desert.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Jim with his Jeans Pants, Denim Jeans Shirt with a Cowboy hat and a long rope

Here you don't need anything but the first word capitalised as they are all common nouns.

*BulletG*Jim with his jean pants, denim jean shirt with a cowboy hat and a long rope

*BulletB*He was just reading the environment and climatic condition and trying to acclimatize about the place he is planning to visit.,he was just reading

Here this should be a full stop and then followed by a capital letter. I also noticed that you write this piece in past tense but the word is brings it into the present. I would write was instead.

*BulletB*He was just reading the environment and climatic condition and trying to acclimatize about the place he was planning to visit. He was just reading

*BulletR*he made all the preparations for preparing a temporary tent with the materials available without carrying much head load in order to survive.

Here you use 'preparations' and 'preparing' in the same sentence. I would change one to prevent repetition.

*BulletR*he made all the preparations for a temporary tent with the materials available without carrying much head load in order to survive.

*BulletV*tomb lies the treasure…He just made plans to reach the Yuma desert

Here you don't need the ellipsis as there is nothing missing. Instead I would suggest just using a full stop:

*BulletV*tomb lies the treasure. He just made plans to reach the Yuma desert

*Bullet*But to his he found some residues of the Jaguar..therefore he thought of following

There are a couple of issues here. There is a word missing after 'his'. Instead of the two full stops you have I would use a comma instead:

*Bullet*But to his amazement he found some residues of the Jaguar, therefore he thought of following


*NoteR*A few parting comments...

I would suggest trying to stick to once tense through; you start in the past tense but slide into the present in some places. It makes it harder for the reader to follow.

Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
447
447
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! This piece came to me as a random review so I thought I'd stop by and read it *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: I LOVED reading this story! It was fun and witty and had me smiling all the way through, just what I needed. Following the escapades of Skylark Chesterton and his duck in the time machine was certainly an adventure! Even the way you write it was witty and fun!

*People*Characters: Skylark Xavier Chesterson VII is the main character in this piece and I can imagine him to be the dorkiest dork whoever did science, and I mean that in the nicesy way possible! His name is amazing and I love that you use it in full, it just adds to the comedic value *Smile* He is certainly quite a character (perhaps you should enter him into the What a Character Contest)

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Skylark's laboratory which is detminedly steampunk themed and emits steam all over the place. It fits well with the scene *Smile*

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Funny and smiles *Smile*




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
448
448
Review of Who Am I?  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review since you were locked up in "Invalid Item" !


*Checkg*What I liked:

I always like stopping in and meeting the people behind the usernames so this piece really intrigued me! You've been really honest and open in this piece and I want to say thank you for doing that, I think it takes a lot of courage. It seemed that you did have to grow up quickly and I can only hope that things are better for you now and that you are happy in whatever you are doing. Thank you for sharing this with us *Smile*


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
449
449
Review of Describing Women  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review for you since you were locked up in the "Invalid Item" !


*Checkg*What I liked:

I actually saw that you edited this piece and when I saw the title and description, I had to come and check it out. I love the idea of this piece - that you've tried to describe a woman without actually saying the words. Labels are often applied and they all have soe sort of connotations. This was a really neat piece to have a go at!

I think you've done a really good job with this piece, you manage to compliment women across the world without having to use those feminine words *Smile* Well done on creating such a vivid and descriptive piece.


*Cut**Paste*I don't have any suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
450
450
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a Writers Garden Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!

*Reading*Initial hook: I'm here with a review because you were locked up in "Invalid Item" !

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Alisa who, after getting in from work and spending some time chatting to Larry online, realises that she's been a bit silly in what she told him and starts to see things materialise in the shadows. Determined not to face another attack she takes the matter into her own hands.

*People*Characters: Alisa is the main character in this piece and do feel incredibly sorry for her. At the beginning I was wondering why she was checking the locks over and over but after the revelation from the police it all made sense. She must have been going through hell and was doing really well and moving on with her life, or trying to.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Alisa's home.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!



But well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the Writers Garden:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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