Your little essay was quite delightful. You have a knack for writing that is both natural and engaging. And believe me, that is often hard to find.
I must admit that at least some portion of my favorable opinion has to do with the fact that your piece was intriguing on a personal level. I am a casual geek (if such a term even exists or is imagineable) and count several comic book guys and gamers among my close friends. I found your piece most poignant when you discussed your old "geeky" life in comparison with the present.
I very much enjoyed the message of new beginnings in your story. I used to only write rather depressing pieces of work, but lately I have begun to really appreciate stories that bring forth positivity and optimisim.
I would be interested to know what the prompt was for your story, but either way, I commend you for your creativity. New beginnings can mean many things, and you certainly showed that :)
One thing I particularly liked was your repetition of the "for he/she was no longer a . . . " line. It successfully wove these very different tales into one. My advice, then, would be to consider working that line into the last mini story. The reader is looking for a sense of closure, the presence of that oft-repeated line, and then is left disappointed.
Your story could also use a few minor grammatical and spelling edits, but besides that great story! Thanks for sharing!
I was quite taken with your little poem. I found it marvelously charming and poignant.
For better or for worse, I always find myself reading poems aloud in my head (if that makes sense). Often I get tripped up on more experimental or, unfortunately, less skillful writers' words. Not so with yours. The words tumbled and flowed together wonderfully, creating a rich landscape of eerie secrets and long forgotten promises.
I only found one thing that I can fault you for and it's grammatical, which hardly counts anyway. The "rivers" in the third quatrain should have a possessive apostrophe on the end. Yep, that's it :) Thanks for the great read!
Hi Hyperiongate! I thoroughly enjoyed your short story! As a lifelong fan of science fiction, I just ate up your delightfully creepy tale. For me, it seemed like a tiny slice of alien suspense that was lovingly reminiscent of Ray Bradbury and H.G. Wells. My only complaint is that I wish it was longer! Who is in the strange alien craft? Can they escape the fate of poor Mrs. Eckerman by just avoiding the glass booth? That being said, I do see that this was written with a specific word cap, so I commend you for crafting so complete a tale in such a restricted amount of space. Thanks for the great read! Happy writing!
Hey Chaoticharmony! Wow! I first off should admit that poetry is not at all my area of expertise. That being said, I can't really find any fault with your poem! The imagery, emotions, and unraveling revelation were all woven together with a precise and expert hand. On a serious note, this poem struck deep with me because I have a close personal friend who experienced this type of intense regret and self-loathing after only being able to save one out of two people from drowning. You have a real story here, and you told it with incredible skill. Thanks for the great read!
Hi Banu! I was quite interested to read your story since I have little experience or knowledge of India. Your account was straightforward and intriguing. I think you have a real knack for using your unique experiences to educate and entice readers! I would advise, however, that you elaborate upon some of the words and concepts you have used in your story. For someone as ignorant to India as I, more description would be a plus! Also, you could consider expanding the entire story. The reader is left wanting more, which can sometime be a good thing, but sometimes can mean a "write more" kinda thing :) Thanks for the great read! Happy writing!
-Kilpik
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