This poem I really like because of the content that it says. The meaning you can get from reading this poem. I too understand that in the end, there is no such thing as normal. since every human being is unique and there are no two people that are teh same. This poem makes sense, the rhyming is good, and the last stanza is by far the best part.
Cause who decided normal
And maybe it should change
To include teh many people
Far out of its range.
What prevented me from giving you a 5 was because the first two stanza's weren't as strong as the rest of the poem. Still, 4.5 in my book is impressive. Continue Writing!
You can definitly feel the emotion running in this piece. In my eyes, I feel just sad that us teens go through so many things that we shouldn't have to go through. And yet if we survive, we only continue to get stronger. Your poem does indeed have the feeling. Perhaps you might need to expand on the poem a bit more? Give us a sharper understanding? Give us more detail? If you do those things for all of your poems, you'll definitly touch fellow readers/writers like us.
Now I know why this won first place in ~Like a Song~ contest. The best part about this poem is the message it gives. It's really clear, and yet the wording makes the poem feel more. The metaphor about the black birds is perfect for this poem. I can actually close my eyes and feel the strong emotions radiation from this piece.
Another thing I liked is that it's a poem that everyone can relate to. And those poems usually teach us.
I am happy that you are trying to talk about something positive and therefore trying to reach people with this positive vibe. However, that's the only thing that I can say positive about what you said. Since you have encouraged people to review this piece, I will have to give my honest opinion on the contents of this piece.
First, you state: "Ask Him and He will build you up. Invite Him into your life and feel that inner peace of knowing that He's in control. Let Him take control."
By letting him take control, would that mean that the good things you do are based on your heart alone, or his influence? Wouldn't it be better to just ask for guidance so you can figure out your own path to becoming someone that finds inner peace?
"You must know yourself as God sees you. You are blessed."
I like the first part of how you must know yourself. That is good. However, us being blessed? Before when I was a christian I couldn't see myself as blessed because there are other humans just like me that are "blessed" yet, they are living in a war zone, or starving to death, including innocent "blessed" children. So are we truly blessed? There are babies that are born and then 30 seconds later, they die. Are those babies blessed as well?
"Then, God placed people in my life who turned me around and told me that God loves me and would roll my burdens away, if only I would ask."
I am pretty certain God does not place people in everyone's life, because if he did (I'm saying he because it's easier to say, doesn't mean I think God is an actual gender) that would make him a very selective God. Which isn't good at all. After all, in WWII 8 million jews were slaughtered and I'm almost certain all of them were praying for God to save them. Did God place people in their lives to "roll away their burdens?"
"He opened my eyes and I can see all the great things He has set before me."
Again, I'm certain that God has not set things before you, me, or anyone. OR that would make him a selective God. A God who picks only certain people to have great things in their life. And if he did do this; if he did select some people to have good things and others to be born in Africa with disease and poverty surrounding him, is he turly a Good God?
"All you have to do is open your heart and life to the only one who can bring you eternal peace."
By stating that, it sounds in a way as though we can't find eternal peace except by having God/Jesus in our lives. And, should we truly be looking for eternal peace? Or should we try and grant peace to others, and show our love, and what it means to be human. You do not need God in order to do that. You need love from your fellow human beings.
Don't take this review the wrong way though. I am trying to point out thoughts that you might've not seen or discussed in your own mind before. I do like the positive message. But I urge you to read what I said, and truly think about it. Keep writing.
Thank you first for entering my contest. I'm happy you took the time to write something about self-esteem and enter my contest. Your poem to me is very descriptive, which I like but you have a sense of style by the way you describe everything that just enters an image into my mind. I do see what you talk about in this poem.
Thank you once again, and maybe you want to take a look at the other entries, for each one describes self-esteem in another way.
Thank you for entering this piece into my first contest!By writing this piece, you give others the chance to read about self-esteem, reflect upon it, and understand it.
Now this poem is really good because I like the detail that's put into it. If I close my eyes, I can see it happening, feel the emotion. That to me is realy good. The only part I didn't feel strongly about was the lack of flow. Normally in a rhyming poem, syllable count is very important because it gives off a beat or a flow, so that way when you read it out loud, it sounds really good, and you'll be able to read the poem better.
Beautiful poem. I really like this one a lot because the message transforms from bad to good. It also can be related to other people's lives including mine. I pictured myself as the woman in your poem and even now though my thinking is changed and I am happier, I am still fighting in the inside still.
Only reason why this didn't get a 5 was because of two things. One, your lack of rhyme on the 3rd and 4th line on the 2nd last stanza. And two, it's slightly hard to read because of the syllable counts. Usually, if a poem has all syllables even in every line, it gives off a type of flow or beat that's very easy to read, and a lot more easier to understand.
Other then that, beautiful poem. And thank you for entering in my first contest. Good Luck!
No wonder this piece got 1st place in "Speak to the world contest". What you have wrote is a very simple yet very truthful piece that describes the thoughts of human beings and how we think of perfection. I'm sure that at least one person, whether they realized it or not, thought about being this certain way, and you described it perfectly. Not only that, you used yourself as a perfect example and therefore enabling the reader such as myself to relate to your position.
I got 2nd place in the same round you were in and therefore decided to see who was the one that got first.
A poem about showing your emotions. Now that's definitly something that I can relate too. The problem is I can only show my emotions to people I truly care about. And unless it's in a heated debate, I just sit back, put a mask on, and listen to everyone. Your poem illustrates to readers how our eyes cannot see the inside of a being. And how that emotions are the most powerful thing that us humans possess.
Only reason why this doesn't get a 5 was that the flow of the poem (or rather rhythm/beat) was off. Usually when I read a poem, a good beat that indicates syllables are all even makes it even easier to read the poem. I don't know if you were concentrating on that, but don't worry about it.
Overall: awesome poem. And also looking at your port, you carry a dream I have as well.. Trying to help the world. Not to mention you are in highschool like me. =)
Your style is something that has a uniqueness that I enjoy when reading this poem. And yes when you think about it for a second, how do you know we are not in a dream already? It's always interesting how us humans believe that light is always good and dark is always bad. But then again, light involves no action right?
hehe for a 12 year old, that simple poem definitly tells a good description and plays an image in my head! I also did feel something after reading this so therefore that's to me something really good, an accomplishment I think.
I wish the poem was longer even though you were 12, but it was just as strong in it's original state.
What can I say? I don't feel worthy enough to rate or comment on such passion, such pain, and such expression. And yet, I am human, so I will always give it a try with my heart as my witness.
The writing, the story, the imagination that took place in my mind, the understanding of what this piece is trying to say to us readers, perfect.
It also makes me think of what is true love. How can you notice it between two people? And your method gave me the first true understanding of knowing if the person I love loves me back. "I love you"
I like the question of this poll because we can then understand the views of other people and what they think is the best commander of the bunch. However the statement above stating that asks what president you can screw up with this poll, well I'm not sure what you are implying then. You can just then vote for bush based on the fact you don't like his appearance and you want him to be screwed by having people view this poll
I'm sorry but don't you think that this type of poll needs a positive and a total negative? You placed 3 God views which is ok in the best, but you haven't included the other side of the spectrum which maybe could be theories of the universe.
See, if your title was different like God's universe then the poll can be valid, but if your trying to get an understanding of the universe, maybe you should include all theories, not just simply a religious perspective.
I am unsure why I like this poem so much. It's just a weird feeling. But the way you said it just puts me in a trance, and that to me definitly deserves a 5. I also like how your poem explains a different meaning apart from the title. lol Again I am unsure why I like the poem so much, maybe it's just the style, or maybe it's just because it's very detailed.
Continue writing like this, because this indeed is a good style. Hope you win the contest!
There were many things in this poem that I really really liked. I like the rhyming scheme, the style of the poem, the flow, and most of all, I liked the moral in the poem. In a way I felt a bit disturbed as I was reading this poem and trying to get a feel for it in my head. But then again lessons are made to upset humans into learning them right?
I like the fact that your words are very encouraging. In the holidays we as human beings must take the time to refresh ourselves whether we believe in a religiom or we believe in the friends that we have. Because in the end, the two things that we truly have will be our love, and the ability to tell stories.
Reason is because telling stories is what makes humans grow to love, to understand, and to become human.
Good Job!
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