This is, as always, just my humble opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression:
Can you spare a cup of this wonderful joe?
What I liked best: ummm, coffee in the morning, a blessed event
Theme/Title/Prompt
The title fits your poem well.
Rhyme/Form/Flow
No rhyme, that's fine. Flow is good.
Mood/Emotional Impact
I like the fact that you remember the Grandfather's percolator. Although, for me, it hums more than it sings. Soft mood, appropriate for morning.
Imagery
Good.
Spelling and Grammar
No mistakes.
Suggestions: none.
Good job. Keep painting pictures with words! And Write On!
NOVAcatmando
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
WDCF Member-to-Member Review
Thaddeus Buxton Winthrop, on your invite, I'm here.
This is, as always, just my humble opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression:
A contemplative poem about daybreak.
What I liked best: I'm usually not up when "The sun has yet to blink one bright ray", so this was great insight for me.
Rhyme/Form/Flow
The abab rhyme scheme was greatly handled. The flow is a little stillted in parts, but this can happen when sacrificing for rhyme.
Mood/Emotional Impact
Before-coffee-mellow. I like the quiet.
Imagery
Good imagery in the third verse.
Suggestions:
I like the phrase in here, "a new today" it would almost work as the title.
Good job. Keep painting pictures with words! And Write On!
NOVAcatmando
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is, as always, just my humble opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression:
A whimsical poem.
What I liked best: Any poem with mead in it is great! Actually I've tried it, and, well I tried it once.
Theme/Title/Prompt
The title fits your poem well.
Rhyme/Form/Flow
The rhyme is perfect and it has a nice flow.
Mood/Emotional Impact
It is lighthearted, but not strong on emotional impact.
Imagery
There is nice fairy-tale imagery used.
Spelling and Grammar
I see not typos or mistakes.
Suggestions:
When the first line ends in a comma and the sentence continues to the next line, there is not a need to capitalize the first word of the second line. As a style decision, though, the choice is yours.
Good job. Keep painting pictures with words! And Write On!
Sláinte agus SÃocháin, Health and Peace,
NOVAcatmando
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Rising Stars Member-to-Member Review
This is, as always, just my humble opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression:
A lovely poem with a lot of good lines.
What I liked best:
When bumblebees buzz through drowsy air,
And perfume-laden flowers nestle among the trees,
When the sun beams mellow, warm light on you,
Please smile and dream of me.
Theme/Title/Prompt:
The title fits your poem very well.
Rhyme/Form/Flow:
The Rhyme works well.
The flow are a bit bumpy in places with some lines running longer than others.
Imagery/Emotional Impact:
Good imagery and emotion throughout. I think that you could tighten the lines a little. i.e.
"When the temperature’s so low, your breath shows in the air,"
"When your breath appears and dances through the cold air," low temperature could be assumed
Spelling and Grammar:
Well punctuated.
There was an edit point in the poem. I’ve never used one of those before, but since you place it at this line, I thought you might be looking for suggestions on it. I placed one in the edit point, if it is not there then I did it wrong and would be happy to email it to you.
Good job. Keep painting pictures with words!
"Rising Stars member-to-member review"
NOVAcatmando
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is, as always, just my humble opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression:
A heartfelt poem with good imagery.
What I liked best:
the last stanza which puts it all together.
Theme/Title/Prompt
The title fits your poem well.
Rhyme/Form/Flow
Rhyme is perfect.
Flow - on this line is running a little long - so a suggestion:
When the past haunts and the future distresses
>> When past haunts and future distresses
Mood/Emotional Impact
dark and powerful...
Imagery
great imagery throughout the poem.
Good job. Keep painting pictures with words!
NOVAcatmando
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is, as always, just my humble opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression:
A well-written story of young tragedy.
What I liked best: The treatment of ackward young love. Also the treatment of shootings had my heart racing without your adding any gruesome details. Very good suspense in here.
Theme/Title/Prompt
The title is very poetic but not sure if it fits the story. A new title might make it more sellable, for publication.
Flow
The story moved forward at a good pace. Since buildings don't actually breath, you may want to change the imagery here because it throws off the reader: "it took its deep cleansing breath to get it through another day"
Spelling and Grammar
In upstate New York, next door was generally more than a stone's throw away.
>> In upstate New York 'next door' was generally more than a stone's throw away.
She realized later that she was probably just a bit jealous that they were able to play sports and fill Tonka trucks with dirt without getting comments that they should be playing with dolls instead.
>> She realized later that she was probably just a bit jealous, that they were able to play sports and fill Tonka trucks with dirt, without getting comments that they should be playing with dolls instead.
They both broke away as ordered, and Mrs. Johnson walked into the classroom.
>> They both broke away as ordered and Mrs. Johnson walked into the classroom.
Good job. And Write On!
Sláinte, SÃocháin,
agus Athbhliain Shona! Health, Peace,
and Happy New Year!
NOVAcatmando
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Your thoughts on this subject are shared. There is no such thing as 50/50. Except maybe taking turns washing the dishes, but even then someone catches a cold and the whole score-keeping aspect kicks in. Mother Theresa had a great poem titled "Anyway", which essentially boils down to 'do it anyway'.
I think you hit a nail on the head with the vunerablity issue, because as much as we don't like going over the 50% and getting taken advantage of, many of us have a difficult time accepting more than 50%. I had a hard lesson in this myeslf, "Invalid Item" .
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, as a school teacher you get to see and touch a lot of lives...
Sláinte, SÃocháin,
agus Nollaig Shona! Health, Peace,
and Merry Christmas!
NOVAcatmando
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Stopping by this page as I often do, and I thought I'd take to the time to tell you "Thank You" for the valuable toolbox.
p.s. please never, ever delete this item... :)
Sláinte, SÃocháin,
agus Nollaig Shona! Health, Peace,
and Merry Christmas!
NOVAcatmando
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Kidding aside, there's a restrained emotion in this poem that I loved. Heartbreak, wrapped deep inside passion? Resentment, swept away with unrequited love? So calmly understated, but I can feel it there.
I don't often see my perfect "5" poem - but today I got lucky. Thanks for a great read and keep painting pictures with words!
Sláinte, SÃocháin,
agus Nollaig Shona! Health, Peace,
and Merry Christmas!
NOVAcatmando
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This is, as always, just my opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression:
A cute poem! I live in a very humid place so I can identify with the non-sticky Sticky Note problem.
What I liked best:
"The notes fell one by one!"
Theme/Title/Prompt
The title certainly fits your poem well.
Rhyme/Form/Flow
The flow are a bit bumpy in places. Rhymes were perfect.
Mood/Emotional Impact
light and funny - appropriate for subject matter. I like the inclusion of needing more chalkboard space because of grandkids messages.
Spelling and Grammar
Saw no errors.
Suggestions: look at small words that can be trimmed to improve flow without changing the meaning. On the third to last line for instance the "a" in front of chalk board can be removed and it still reads well. I use this trick myself, often reading outloud.
Good job. Keep painting pictures with words! And Write On!
"pass it on~review another member today!"
I would highlight what I like best about this forum and add a possible suggestion or two, but I don't know enough about the Author's Spotlight yet. It sounds intriguing though. I'll come back with a better review after I've participated.
Health and Peace,
Catherine
*************
"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy."
- William Butler Yeats
This is, as always, just my opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression:
A heartfelt poem with a lot of good lines.
Theme/Title/Prompt
The title draws the reader in. It is what caught my eye, and lead me here to read.
Rhyme/Form/Flow
Easy to follow and perfect Rhyme.
Imagery
The use of the Unpainted Pot is an excellant image for the experience described.
Spelling and Grammar
I saw no mistakes.
Health and Peace,
Catherine
*************
"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy."
- William Butler Yeats
This is, as always, just my opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression:
At the risk of showing my age, can I say this writing is Awesome!
What I liked best:
It's real. I've known friends like this. The best stuff is so sublime:
"She stood,
hunched."
Theme/Title/Prompt
The title fits your poem well.
Rhyme/Form/Flow
The flow reads well but I think it would help to add spacing to the form for clarity.
Imagery/Mood/Emotional Impact
The poem's strongest suit. I see very strong images which evoke emotion.
"Ran her fingers on her cheeks,
sunken holes in her face."
Interesting that the clock reads 12:34, and the note says back by 9. A loneliness implied.
Gripping, wonderful words and detail.
Spelling and Grammar
They has left a neatly packed homemade macaroni and cheese meal.
>> They had left a neatly packed homemade macaroni and cheese meal.
"Be back by 9. Dinner in the fridge. (eat it!)"
>> "Be back by 9. Dinner in the fridge (eat it!)"
Suggestions:
Add a line spacing, so reader will pause, before Ran and before Measured. Just a suggestion.
Great Work - Welcome to WDC!
NOVAcatmando
**************
"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy."
- William Butler Yeats
This is, as always, just my opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression:
First glance I thought this was a good poem with lots of imagery, then on a closer read I see emotional impact.
What I liked best: the meanest season made you strong.
Theme/Title/Prompt
The title fits your poem well.
Rhyme/Form/Flow
Good.
Mood/Emotional Impact
I was surprised by the strong emotional language, I think there may be another layer to this poem.
Imagery
Imagery is strong. It feels cold and bare.
Spelling and Grammar
Maybe add a comma after sing and after long.
Good job. Keep painting pictures with words!
Health and Peace,
Catherine
*************
"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy."
- William Butler Yeats
This is, as always, just my opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression: This is a good acrostic poem, the spilling over of the sentences helps it feel smooth. I typically don't read acrostics, but I happened here was pleasantly surprised.
What I liked best: "No one leaves empty"
Theme/Title/Prompt
The title fits your poem well.
Rhyme/Form/Flow
This poem flows nicely. Usually acrostic poems are broken at each line, and they have a choppy feel. Not here.
Mood/Emotional Impact
It has a soft mood. I guess your family gatherings are sans-drama. And sans-football.
Imagery
Warmth, smells - very nice.
Spelling and Grammar
No mistakes. There are a few points where I would suggest adding some punctuation to your poem. Periods after love, ritual, home. And a comma after joy.
Good job. Keep painting pictures with words!
Health and Peace,
Catherine
*************
"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy."
- William Butler Yeats
Such a sad and sweet , yet funny story. I'm afraid I would have been a little giggly like Bobbie. We had a (black) rabbit once named Tar Baby who meant an untimely demise at the hands of caring owners. I think this is why dogs and cats fare better as pets - they have a little more intution or at least command more attention.
I noticed on you bio, that you like to laugh, so I'd like to invite you to read from my Waltzing Matilda folder in my port. People report LOL's, especially on the Scuba Diving lessons story...
off to read more of you work...
Health and Peace,
Catherine
*************
"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy."
- William Butler Yeats
This is, as always, just my opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
Well, this item made me laugh at "Personally, I would rather be pleasantly surprised with a positive outcome, than be totally dashed with a negative one." I'm a 'hope for the best, plan for the worst' kind of gal myself.
I also read your Girl Watching essay, and though I sympathize with your wife she is perhaps fortunate to have a guy not hung up the 'skinny' America next Top Model. It is a different perspective than I usually see.
This is, as always, just my opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression:
funny satire about Ernest Hemingway and his kind - It did make me smile
What I liked best: 'And masculinity, therefore,
Is measured by its length.'
I decline to say why.
Suggestions: "In Our Time" should be italized or in quotes if its a book title. I might suggest "It more than tickles"... , unless you are going for a certain meter.
Also, this item's type is labeled 'other' and I think it should be labeled 'poetry'
This is, as always, just my opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression: funny - the mum's response to the coffin sounds like myself to my kids when I'm busy writing... ha!
What I liked best: the ending
Suggestions: if you are limited to 55 words than there is little wiggle room for suggestions. There is also a "Make me laugh" contest for funny stories that you could consider submitting too as well.
This is, as always, just my opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression: I like the mood of this piece. I have two teens in my house and feel for them because I remember those uncertain, lonely times so well.
What I liked best: "My mornings are routine
I'm an everyday teen". I think you did a good job capturing the everyday. Going to highschool is just about having your homework ready - they have to be emotionally tough too.
Suggestions:
Spelling and Grammar
'No one has ever knew' is not the right verb tense - gramatically correct it is 'No one has ever known' , so I suggest changing it to 'No one ever knew'.
Rhyme/Form/Flow
To achieve better rhyme you could consider a few turn of phrase changes:
Put on clothes; shoes on my feet
brush teeth and hair - nice and neat
This is, as always, just my opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression: a little uncomfortable - I think that's part of the "internal tormoil"
What I liked best: the fact that I can't really tell if this is about religion - i.e. Jesus - or something else...
Suggestions: I really don't have any - just comments. maybe change "done/said" to 'done or said'
This is, as always, just my opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression: very interesting take on 6 feet under.
What I liked best: "Three feet in, and I’m losing my sight." - bringing the reader along the experience - very good.
Suggestions: the bolded words are part of the experience and the unbolded are part of the thoughts. I guess my suggested challenge to you would be to convey the thoughts in couplet rhyme. The reality would be free verse... just a thought... your bio was strong on encouraging feedback...
This is, as always, just my opinion please accept it in that spirit. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain.
My impression: very tired. As someone who also tired of what my life has brought the past year I can relate. In fact, I'd like to put this poem in my 'the C-word' folder because I have had these very thoughts.
What I liked best: 'erase the one they know'. I like the powerful language in this poem and the finality in brings. There is a good sense of talking to the divine.
Suggestions: the Rhyme is nearly perfect with a couple areas which do not. I suggest you could rhyme them with a few changes -
'Grant me my one wish.
Take this flesh from me.'
-- could be rearranged to: 'Take from me this flesh'
The second area would need re-wording, and as it is your poem I would hesitate a suggestion. Of course, it may not be your intent for the entire poem to rhyme.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.29 seconds at 8:43am on May 04, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
