Very well put together. The strict metre and rhyming pattern was very impressive, the mythical references definitely made the poems richer, and the topic was definitely food for thought.
This brings to mind 'To A Stranger' by Walt Whitman - You should read it if you get the chance.
Fantastic poem. I've always loved Fall - There's just a sort of magical feeling in the air. I've never associated that feeling with hope before but now that you have, it makes perfect sense!
You write beautifully, and you really convey that feeling of magic and hope through the poem.
Wonderful essay. I write a lot of poetry (not on this site) and have always believed that it's the tone or vibe which appeals to the reader rather than the message, which is usually and not wrongly interpreted differently by each reader.
I'm glad to have learnt a new word, and enjoyed the quotes. Another which came to mind was from T. S. Eliot: 'Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood'.
What a horrible and fascinating illness. The human body and the disaster it's capable of never ceases to shock and awe me.
I really felt for you while I was reading this. I thought your overall attitude was supremely admirable, especially for an 18-year-old, and I'm cheering that you overcame your situation.
Thanks, ScaryMaster! I found much of this information useful, and it couldn't have come at a better time.
I've been thinking over the past few days about linking to WDC on a few sites I frequent. The emailling and linking advice above has really encouraged me. I might even join the Crusaders!
I can't believe some-one other than me actually remembers Mega Man!
Good poem. There's definitely something to be appreciated in any situation, however bizarre or tragic. I do still see autism as undesirable and empathise with those who have it, though I would never condescend or try to segregate a person for their illness.
I thought you had an excellent handle on the language - Very colourful. I would have believed you really were the character, if your spelling wasn't perfect.
I love a good old tale of twisted revenge, especially in this spooktacular Halloween month.
That was so beautifully written! I've never heard a piece of fruit being described so passionately before.
In the way of suggestions, maybeg hf you went into more detail in regards to the appearance and unique characteristics of the pineapple; give the readers more of a visual.
I didn't understand why you said life wanted to f*** you and blow you. I mean, being f***ed by life is one thing, but being blown? I've just never heard that before.
Maybe you'd get more attention from the ladies if you used words like 'f***' and 'blow' less. Just a suggestion.
I was going to write that this is the best weight gaining story on here, but I'm guesing you already knew that!
I think what gives this story such an advantage, other than the constant additions, is the fact that it has both erotic and adventure aspects. Your writing makes me think of Roald Dahl, if he was an online fetish writer, LOL.
Kudos on the great story and your ability to keep it both hot and mentally stimulating at the same time!
I'm a big fan of the way you immerse yourself in your writing. Themes of vampirism and blazing romance do tend to embody a sense of self-sacrifice, of fusing yourself with your passion, and every item in this folder breathes that firey life. I hope you continue writing this way. Cheers.x
Your writing style is a white-hot as the powerful images you create! I love the way that each thing and each act is described so passionately in this poem - "Your kisses are nectar / Your caresses light a fire." Each phrase is bursting with texture.
Wow, I like the story you set up here. The act of intercourse between the demon and the mortal is almost like one of domination, though it turns out to empower her by imbuing her with his powers.
To be honest, in the beginning I thought this was going to be another secret service jargon-filled goodie vs. baddie story, but towards the end the characters became a little more complex and the plot became less predictable and more intriguing. Hope it goes on this way. Write on.
Again, this was intriguing and fascinating but I couldn't be sure what it was about. Being literally beaten? The thrill of taking drugs? Being electrocuted?
I guess what's important is that you write with such passion.
T.S. Eliot said "Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood." and that definitely applies here.
My favourite thing about this poem is the element of intrigue you maintain throughout it. I gather from the first line and others that you're writing about feeling restricted, maybe by a physical disability, and are encouraging others to take advantage of the freedom they have.. Am I right?
I loved the opening stanza, it was so direct, so powerful and emotional.
And the repeated line "My days and nights.. ..your loving touch." was the definition of perfect. I know that crushing feeling of injustice, knowing some-one else is getting the best of the one you love, like the back of my hand.
Thank you for sharing this. It made me feel something profound. I hope you keep writing.
Damn, I've felt these feelings so many times it's like reading something I wrote!
I liked the way the first half of the poem kind of lets you wonder what it's about, then explains more towards the end. I can't wait to read more of your stuff now.
The contrast between the terms 'mistake' and 'meant to be' creates an interesting image, but if I were you I'd study poetry a little and practice using 'correlative images' when writing - Before I learned about this technique, my poems didn't have much direction either.
I'll rate with 5 stars anyway because I think you made a good effort.
I'm not sure what the purpose of reviewing this piece is, but I'm going to take it that you're looking for suggestions on filmable short stories..
I've always felt that Matgaret Atwood's short fiction would make for great films. Her novels have been adapted to film but I think her shorts - particularly the stories in 'Bluebeard's Egg' could be made into fantastic short or fulllength arthouse films. They all feature strong characters, intriguing if not mysterious storylines and question humanity in one way or another.
Hey, kudos on starting this story, I think it'll be really greta if more people add.
In the way of advice, maybe if you were less restrictive in the rules more people would contribute. A lot of people into weight gain like the slob aspect the most. Just some thoughts.
Peace :)
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