Such a sad story, but extremely well-written. I liked the family home setting you describe so vividly in the beginning - I think that's something everyone recognises, and it helped to settle us for the journey we were about to be taken on.
Thank you for sharing this great piece of writing. It was inspiring in more ways than one.
This was a very descriptive piece of prose, but I didn't feel that its message held a lot of weight.
I'm sure you're not the only one who dislikes city life, but perhaps that's why it's so difficult to find something original or thought-provoking to say about it.
Anywho, I hope you continue to write and hone your talent.
Great idea for a campfire! I don't really have any criticism, except that I'd enjoy seeing more dialogue between the cool characters that you've created and maybe some more action - The premise of kids living on the street makes you think of people who are desperate for security and will do some pretty crazy things for it. Just my thoughts.
I'm not entirely sure what this story is about, but I suspect it's about the mental/physical struggle and exhaustion of a mental patient who's becoming lost in her own troubled mind.
..Am I close?
Either way, I like the element of mystery and the mix of harsh nature and sickly, sterile hospital scenes. Interesting piece.
An extremely colourful piece of work. I've read a lot of fantasy writing before, but authors often neglect to describe the architecture and surroundings in as great a detail as you do. To me, the overall image of an imaginary place such as Austasia is the most enjoyable thing to read about.
Love the chemistry between the chatacters, (especially Twilight!) and the constant conflict. Hope to see more in the future!
Thank you for sharing this sweet and sad poem. I'm sorry to hear that you've been through a tough time, but I'm glad you've used poetry to vent your feelings - I know from my own personal experiences how therepeutic writing can be.
My favourite part is the title - It really conveys a feeling of how long and difficult the mourning of a relationship can be.
When i first saw this item, I thought it was questioning whether or not it was worth it to buy WDC GPs!
But now that I'm here.. I've heard equal arguments for having a GPs and not having a GPs. I don't have one because I rarely travel long distances or get lost, but if I did have to go out of my way now and then, I definitey think a GPs would be a worthy investment.
This is a truly, truly amazing piece of writing. From the first word to the last, I felt like my mind was being unraveled. You're so eloquent yet so blunt. The images of the poem roll by, strange and thought-provoking, but so smooth and seamless.
I have goosebumps. Thank you so much for this poem.
Haha, thanks for a good chuckle. Hope your relief work went well.
I like the way you imbued everything Ted said with its own conversational meaning and built a relationship based on the imaginary rapport between you guys! Guess you have to be a little crazy to keep yourself entertained on a long drive :)
Great point and very true. I really only use 'educated' or 'uneducated' to refer to literacy and book smarts, otherwise I put the word in context by specifying what area of education I'm referring to. It's definitely important to be aware of exactly what you mean when you use the word 'educated'. Being informed, enlightened or knowledgeable are all very different things.
Interesting. I like reading about dreams and musing on the meaning of them. The rhythm was nice, constant and tidy. I have to admit, though, I was kind of left wondering what the children in their prams symbolised.. Have you had any insights since writing this?
Definitely not a poem you can read in a hurry - I like that! The phrases were slightly abstract, but were genuinely meaningful when I stopped to think them over.
I think your writing has real texture, and I always love a solemn serenade.
I believe kindness nourishes the heart of the provider even more than it benefits the reciever - A lot of Buddhist practices which seem pointless to the average observer actually work on this theory and can do wonders for a person's state of mind.
I like the starkness of your writing, it's very hard-hitting and confronting. One thing in the way of constructive criticism: When you write "I don’t know how a seven year old could hate school so much" the narrative stops sounding like that of a child and more like a person viewing the child, if that makes sense, which is a bit dosjointed.
Just wanted to say that the effort being put into this story and the length of chapters in general is fantastic. It's great to read an interactive where the writer isn't eager to raise their chapter count by taking forever to get to the point.
One piece of advice: In my experience people don't really remember things like measurements, and listing them can be a distraction from the story. I would recommend instead mentioning the differences between the girls' body types through-out the chapter, so the reader learns them as they're getting invested in the story.
I definitely believe in the mind's ability to control the physical - I practice overcoming sicknesses by ignoring them completely, and I know peole who do the exact opposite, getting sick constantly due to an obsessive fear of ill health.
But I'd love to know in more detail how you practiced mastering control of your mind on a deepr level.
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