Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
There were stanza's that had natural flow and the rhyming worked really well. This unfolded like a story.
Emotions/Imagery:
I love merit badges, and as grown-up Girl Scout, it does take me back to those elementary school days. You did a good job describing the badges and taking me on that journey of excitement over merit badges and being a Quill nominee.
Impressions:
Nice touch adding the Scout badge with the poem. Please remember for future entries to include your line count so you are not disqualified. Since you were the only entry for Round 15, please accept these GPs as a thank you for consistently entering my contest!
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Nicely done with Diamante and bringing this flower to life.
Emotions/Imagery:
Great word choices to describe this flower and how it is an indication of Spring. I could picture the leaves opening.
Impressions:
Using the purple font, and the picture really brought this poem altogether. Reaches ~ stretches - these two words were powerful and showed the leaves reaching their full potential to bring the flower to life. Nice job.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
What a powerful Diamonte. Each word was chosen so carefully that really showcased what is happening in the United States.
Emotions/Imagery:
I cannot disagree with, unfortunately. You captured the way a lot of us are feeling now, compared to how we used to feel when we thought about this great nation of ours.
Impressions:
Not only did you write a kick a$$ poem, but the way you showcased America in the top of the poem and then again at the bottom really stood out and complimented all you had to say. I love it!
PLOT -
Helping family in need sometimes comes with its own disasters setbacks
THOUGHTS -
This was hilarious! You do such a great job painting the picture with humor and insights into how you are really feeling about the situation. There was so much going on in my mind as I read this short story, and certain words and phrases just screamed off the page making me smile or laugh. It was so easy to picture your son straddling the washing machine as he came to the rescue to turn off the water. Hell's gate, blue light, braggadocious hotel, etc, all invoked such great images of what was really going on. I loved this story, and it brings to mind how sometimes our good intentions come back to bite us as a gentle reminder and reality check. Thanks for sharing this story.
PLOT -
Some gifts come about in the most unexpected of ways. Not only did Hannah bring Marie into his life, but also, brought their daughter back to him.
THOUGHTS -
This piece gives you a lot to think about, and also touches on the mysteries of the universe. As painful as losing someone you love is, organ donation sometimes makes the situation worse for those left behind. You touched upon all of that, and make the reader ponder this situation, which is always a good thing. I liked that it had a happy ending, and that he discovered that Hannah's parting gift was the gift of life for him and his daughter. Contest entries don't always give you a huge window to get in as much information as we would like, but you managed to get the importance of this short story in there. Nicely done!
I love that you have such vivid memories of your childhood and these gatherings with family and friends. What a Wonderful World is a beautiful song, and I can see the appeal of it for you and your family. You have a loving tribute to your mom here, and the memories that will keep her close to your heart. There is nothing quite like those songs that stop us in our tracks and takes us back to certain events in our lives. Smile through the tears, because the one thing that never ends, is the love that was created. It lives on through you, and so does your mom.
Characters:
Phillipe goes through a lot of emotions believing everyone has forgotten his birthday. You really dug deep into your character and showed him at different levels of emotion.
Setting:
You made it easy to get into Phillipe's head as he went through his day. Loved the kiss that 'should've tasted of rue and bitterness', which really showcased the fury in Phillipe. I felt sorry for him by the end, and excited that there would, in fact, be a party.
Overall Impression:
You did a really good job with this assignment, letting Phillipe get worked up all day, to come home and turn it all to shock and relief. I liked your characters and it was easy to see how much they care for one another.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Good flow with your take on current events.
Emotions/Imagery:
I could easily picture Trump high upon his wall, looking down at a sea of bodies in protest, yet not caring about it at all. Good job putting that imagery in my mind. I laughed out loud at the last two sentences because they were so true!
Impressions:
I enjoyed your entry. With the way things are in the world right now, we could all use a little more laughter. Thank you for incorporating that in your poem.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
This had great rhythm and flow, so much so that I was completely absorbed in it! Good job with the rhymes as well.
Emotions/Imagery:
Here's where the poem shined. You took current events and made it a Q&A. You nailed so many points poetically, and hit upon so many issues a lot of us are feeling.
Impressions:
Nicely done! I loved your take on current events and it really spoke to me. Great, thoughtful writing. I must admit I loved the last stanza the most. Who can disagree with alternative facts?
Contest Page:The page layout worked well, as a picture of Prince was showcased at the top of the page. The contest page gave clear information about how many could participate in the contest [8], and what was expected in regards to the writing challenges. I liked that you left it up to the participants to choose the songs, from Prince's vast song list, and create either a poem, or a short story highlighting lyrics.
Overall: The rules were clear and, and the prizes upon completion of the writing were well worth the effort. Not all contests offer an exclusive merit badge. The Prince merit badge is enticing entrants. Congrats on the nomination, and on running a terrific contest that let's writers stretch their creativity while incorporating great music.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Great rhyme and rhythm throughout this sonnet. It flowed so well.
Emotions/Imagery:
Nicely done as this conversation between a mother and soon to be wed son. I could relate to this one well.
Impressions:
You really did capture this event well and made me smile as well. Unfortunately your entry was late by a day. The contest rounds run from the 1st-15th, and the 16th to the last day of the month.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Really good job with the rhyme scheme and it flowed well throughout.
Emotions/Imagery:
Good emotions of how he felt about her. It was sweet and moving. I especially liked the couplet.
Impressions:
I enjoyed this poem you created, unfortunately, it was late for the contest, which runs from the 1st of the month through the 15th, and the 16th, to the last day of the month.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
The rhythm and rhyme worked really well in this poem.
Emotions/Imagery:
It was easy to feel the loneliness of thinking of that special someone is but a memory now. That longing really came through. I could picture her roaming the halls in a daze, her mind caught up in distant memories.
Impressions:
I enjoyed the poem. It didn't really follow the prompt this round.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
You did a great job with rhythm, flow and rhyme. Your poem worked really well.
Emotions/Imagery:
A sweet poem of love. I really liked the first two lines that showed how far one would go for the other. Being someone's heel is serious business. Really solid imagery that invokes emotions of strong love and devotion.
Impressions:
Unfortunately, I was looking for a little more naughty than nice this round.
Summary: A poem about what we as writers do. This was a solid poem, telling the tale of how we go about writing, and how we must get the words written. I could really identify with this.
Critique: I loved this part:
If you cannot get it out
of your soul to paper
or screen you will explode.
It is so true. Just trying to get the words down can drive you crazy as you look for any way to have them in some form of writing. Great job!
Rhythm/Rhyme: Good rhythm and flow in this poem. The rhyme scheme worked as well.
Summary: A bittersweet poem of love and loss, however brief. You did well with adding good images of the rain, dew, leaf and how the two drops became one, only to be sent crashing to the ground.
Critique: I enjoy reading poems of love, and even though this had separation, the sweetness of how the lonely one became two, and then they both separated again worked really well. Write on.
PLOT -
Taygen is busy with writing, a writing group, taking care of her husband and the house and a job. She is not appreciated by Carson and they wind up having the same argument yet again.
SETTING -
I could picture the house with clutter as Taygen described how cleaning was difficult because of all the work tools. Remembher to add reactions during an argument. Have them moving as the conversation/argument progresses. Inner dialogue would work well here too as Taygen doesn't really want her thoughts out there for Carson to hear.
CHARACTERS -
I wondered what Carson looked like. I did get a slight picture in my mind from his facial expression, and the from the way he spoke to his wife.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
rung right out. ~~wrung
She let her mind consider possibilities as Carson continued to barrage her with his complains-complaints
THOUGHTS -
You overused the ellipses'. Most of them aren't necessary and because of the frequency it pulled me out of the story. I was also a bit confused about the beginning just before she came home. Watch repeating words. Energized was used a lot. Look for other words that give the same meaning. Taygen doesn't seem happy with her married life and I wondered why she chose this man in the first place. I wish you lots of luck with Nano. Just keep writing and push through. Don't worry about editing things.
Rhythm/Rhyme/Flow: You had a good rhyme scheme that flowed well from one stanza to the next, telling the tale of the impending hurricane.
Summary: You did a good job showing how prayer really can help in these trying times we live in. It is what we depend on to see us through the good and bad things in our life. Mother Nature can be devastating, and you summed that up well.
Critique: You took a recent event, Hurricane Matthew and turned into a solid poem that had an uplifting ending. If you had to evacuate, I hope that you and your family are all safe and well now.
PLOT -
Janet is sweeping up, hoping to gain Frank's attention.
SETTING -
Nice job showing that she was being neat even in her attempt to get the fire going.
CHARACTERS -
Janet is a neat arsonist. Nice twist there!
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No dialogue. No errors.
THOUGHTS -
I didn't read the intro for the story so I was nice and shocked by the twist at the end. Might want to change that so your reader doesn't get a heads up. You did good with the music prompt and showing a story in less than one hundred words. Good luck in the contest!
Rhythm/Rhyme: Nice rhyme with this poem about love conquering all. Even through loss the message and love remains.
Summary: Isn't love an extraordinary thing? You really captured the message of the power of love, even through loss. The physical loss is felt so deeply, yet love lives on lifting our spirits as reminders are all around us.
Critique: Good imagery in this poem, showing the darkness that tries to invade, yet the bright light of love pierces through it. This is a very heartfelt piece that leaves the reader with hope. Nice job conveying that.
Rhyme/Rhythm/Flow:
Good rhythm throughout. There were a couple places where the flow was interrupted because of a word that I think is misspelled and two words that needed a space.
on not seeing youagain
is too much to bare.~~I think you mean bear, as in too much to take/endure?
Emotions/Imagery:
Really good emotions of loss. You were able to capture the pain and bring that to the forefront.
Impressions:
Writing about pain and loss isn't an easy task, but you did it well with your poem about losing a family member. It tugged at my heart and I could feel the sadness and emotional turmoil. Nice job!
PLOT -
Jenna is bound and enjoying every second of her anniversary gift.
SETTING -
You pulled me right into the scene between these two characters. It was very hot, and ended way too soon. The scene was described well from beginning to end. Sultry and sexy.
CHARACTERS -
Jenna was a perfect character, completely consumed with what he did to her, craving more, needing her lover.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No issues. Dialogue worked really well, both internal and external.
THOUGHTS -
What a great ride this was. Great descriptions that painted the scene, lots of heat. Great job with using the prompt for this round. Good luck in the contest.
Plot:
Jason and Amanda are about to go away for their 16th anniversary. Both make plans that showcase the banner year as they prepare for their long awaited honeymoon. Romance/Sensuality:
There was a sweetness about this piece as they separately prepared to go away on this trip, their past 15 years on their minds. Impression:
It was a sweet story that ended too soon. I really wanted to see them together on finally having a honeymoon! However, you gave me insight into both of your characters, how they thought, what they felt and wanted and they were both memorable. Grammar/Spelling/Other issues:
No issues it. It was a clear read.
Followed Prompt: Word Count Range:no word count liste
~~Please remember these are my opinions and are not meant to hurt, only help. Take what you can from my comments that work for you, and discard the rest!! Happy writing!!~~
~~Image ID# 1591557's Content Rating Exceeds Item Content Rating~~
A CHAPTER ONE REVIEW
Sponsored by the NEW Novel Workshop The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer.
In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
Your Words: Bold Black{}
My Impressions as I read: Bold Green
Editing Suggestions:Bold Red
OVERALL IMPRESSION Very cute story of Sam the bunny who is sheriff of the forest. He tries to help the other animals in the forest and things don't go his quite the way he plans. It's a very endearing story.
What I Liked Best: Sam was funny as he thought things through. He was eager to help everyone, even though some things puzzled him. Good descriptions at the ravine really set the scene.
WRITING SKILLS AND CRAFT
Opening Sentence: Good visual of Sam pinning the star to his vest.
Opening Paragraph: Straight to the point. We know who Sam is and what he's doing and why.
Plot: Sam is a bunny standing in as sheriff of the forest until an election can be held to appoint someone permanently. He is off to help poor Kat find her rhymes, but gets distracted by an emergency.
Character Development: Cute characters. Same doesn't care how he got his position and really wants a hat to complete his look. His outlook is refreshing and has a good sense of humor. He is happy to help anyone, no matter what situation that may thrust him into.
Dialog: Flowed really well between characters. Inner dialogue of Sam was great and really showcases who he is.
Spelling & Punctuation: No errors
Grammar: No errors
Continuity: Smooth chapter that moved at a strong pace as Sam was called into action.
Form: No issues
Clarity: I know what the plot is and where its going.
Hook: Sam helping Kat find her rhymes, but not knowing how to go about that.
CREATIVITY and PRESENTATION
Structure: Solid first chapter and i want to read on and follow Sam on his adventures. The only thing missing for me was that I wondered what the weather was like and if that effected anything happening around them.
Figurative Language & Vocabulary:
Rhythm & Meter: Good rhythm to the story
CLOSING STATEMENT Very enjoyable. Strong characters. Good setting and description.
A CHAPTER ONE REVIEW
Sponsored by the NEW Novel Workshop
The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer.
PLOT -
A family moves to safety. First to the attic, and then out onto the roof as the raging waters of Hurricane Katrina takes over their home.
SETTING -
I could picture them moving up the ladder, and Howard cutting the hole in the roof for them to escape.
CHARACTERS -
Howard and Rita take action when the house begins to flood, moving their family to safety on the roof. Rita busies herself looking for rope to stop her thoughts from wandering on their plight and concentrates on their children. Howard was good at keeping things moving as the situation grew worse for them.
GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No errors. Good internal dialogue for both main characters.
THOUGHTS -
I remember being glued to the television when this was happening. I hope this isn't a true story for you, but if it is, I'm glad you made it through that ordeal.
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