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151
151
Review of Summer Kiss  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
PLOT -
A couple move from friends to dating and share their first kiss.

SETTING -
I could picture the firefly well, and it was a cute scene as it landed on her nose.

CHARACTERS -
Your male character was nervous, that came off well. Your female lead had a playful side to her.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No errors. Dialogue flowed nicely between your couple.

THOUGHTS -
You did a good job with your male character, showing all that he felt about the girl, being with her, and the sweat he couldn't seem to control. When the kiss happened, I wanted more. You describe the kiss well enough, but just hint at the emotions behind it. What did the kiss feel like? Were her lips soft and warm? Inviting? Was he disappointed when she pulled away? Adding sensations and emotions together really make these important moments stand out. Write on!

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone
152
152
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
PLOT -
A high school crush that leaves both of them looking for a way to talk to one another.

SETTING -
Good job with the circling of his name and playing with her hair. This had good build up and anticipation as she resolved herself to say hello.

CHARACTERS -
Jeremy likes a redhead, but thinks he's blown his chance with her. She drums up the courage to say hello, has it all planned and when her big moment comes she's let down, wondering if she misunderstood the rumor.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No errors. The dialogue was strong and moved the story forward.

THOUGHTS -
I felt so bad for her. She was so sure of herself as she marched up to them and said her big 'hello'. Crushes can be so sweet and so terrifying at the same time. You played that well from both angles. Lots of detail for the Daily Flash. You had a full story and used every word to its fullest potential. Nicely done. Write on! Good luck in the contest.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone
153
153
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
PLOT -
Chris and Ida hit the fair, talking about the beginnings of their relationship, and still very much in love.

SETTING -
Really good job setting up the scene, the kids laughing at them for kissing, and the couple racing out of the stables. Their scene together in the loft was hot.

CHARACTERS -
I really liked the playfulness of your couple. They were sweet, and the way they interacted was nice to see in a couple married as long as they were.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
"Hoowhee! I never thought we were never going to get out of there."

And, with that, he grabber~grabbed her into another embrace

Every thrust made the temperature in the cool lost~loft rise
higher

They laid there on the now wed~wet hay waiting

THOUGHTS -
I enjoyed your story for Tales of Seduction. It had great flow and excitement, lots of heat. You pulled me into their love story with great descriptions and good dialogue. Good luck in the contest

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone
154
154
Review of Confessional Lies  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
PLOT -
Entry for Blink- prompt Lies. That is quite a whopper of a lie in the confessional no less!

CHARACTERS -
A girl goes to confession, and then must admit that she just lied to the priest about how many lies she's told.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No errors. The inner dialogue was a great shock and twist to the story.

THOUGHTS -
You managed to put a lot into your sixty-one words that left my mouth hanging open. I can't fault her for not wanting to admit what she'd held back. If only the priest had a clue about what she managed to keep to herself about his cousin. Good Blink entry. You used the prompt to the fullest potential. Good luck in the contest.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone
155
155
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
PLOT -
Zarth is trying to escape the onslaught of arrows and hides in the woods.

SETTING -
Good job showing a lot more than your original draft. Most of the things I wanted to point out in the old version you improved upon in the new opening paragraph. You took out all the telling words and showed the reader what was happening. I do think you could go deeper with how the pain felt to him from that arrow in his shoulder.

CHARACTERS -
Zarth is a thief on the run. Good hook that grabs the readers interest.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
Stumbling to a halt behind a moss covered tree, he heavily fell heavily against the bark.

THOUGHTS -
Your new opening paragraph has great flow and good description. There is a much clearer picture of Zarth, and the scene that is unfolding around him. If you keep up on the new path you should have a really good opening to your story.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone
156
156
Review of GoT Writings  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
PLOT -
A bittersweet story about a child learning through others that her father is truly a hero and it has nothing to do with any great feat, but for standing by his wife and family.

SETTING -
Nice description of the people who came to say goodbye to the mother and pay their respects.

CHARACTERS -
The child who didn't understand why doing what you were supposed to do doesn't make someone a hero, only to realize that all of the actions of the father indeed make him heroic.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No issues - no dialogue

THOUGHTS -
I loved this last part of your story: For you see, truly the best honor or eulogy I could give my mom was to recognize that my dad was the best part of her, and vice versa. Through their eyes and example, I saw that my dad was and always had been mom’s hero.

Couldn't have said it any better. Nicely done! And don't feel bad about not placing in the writing challenges. I finally got one placement in the last week. I know it's a bummer. Write On!

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone
157
157
Review of Writing For G.O.T  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
PLOT -
Harriet and her sister Myranda are not happy that people have shown up at their home to try and get their father to run for mayor.

SETTING -
Really great moments described by Harriet as she looked upon the room. I loved her descriptions of her father, how she saw him and her mother.

CHARACTERS -
Good family dynamic. Harriet may not realize it, but her dad's a good guy and did put his family first. Even knowing the girls did things they shouldn't have when guests were over, he didn't scold her. He understand why she did the things she did and got her to promise to come to him next time instead of lashing out.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No errors. The dialogue flowed really well.

THOUGHTS-
Solid piece of writing for the GoT prompt. I really liked the characters and storytelling. Everything was vivid and I could picture the scene well. I loved Harriet. She really cares for her family and it shows.

Lost in a haze of purple she stands alone
158
158
Review of THE TEEN BRAIN  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Purpose and Audience
Your target audience could be teens as well as adults since you talk about both teenage behavior, and how what they do can affect those around them. It gives adults a better understand of what they are dealing with when it comes to teenagers.

Structure
Good flow in your article from one paragraph to the next. The transitions were done well.

Style
You were very direct in your approach, giving examples of things that you have seen that corroborate the information that you spoke about.

Mechanics
Sufficive to say, teenagers are very suggestible.--I believe the correct term is - suffice it

Personal Response
I found the article interesting, and your experiences to back up the facts seemed to really drive that point home. Unfortunately drugs abuse can really affect a person in ways they don't even realize. For some it takes years. Destructive behavior can go hand in hand with the added use of drugs. You had a lot of good information in this piece. And I agree that music is able to cross boundaries that most wouldn't bother to cross, but I also think it can do good as well. Good article
159
159
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
PLOT -
Scott and Joe are fracking and getting antsy about hitting something. Scott is growing impatient, and Joe reminds him how long it took for his wife to become pregnant.

CHARACTERS -
Joe is wise, pulling upon life to get him through and keep his mind on the real prize. Scott listens, but hasn't grasped the concept of what is true wealth yet.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
"I know, but you remember, when my wife thought she was pregnant after seventeen years without a child!" --the second comma slows it down, think you can omit it.

IMPRESSION -
Dialogue 500 isn't an easy one to write for. I followed along with their conversation well. I liked that Joe had more life experiences, and saw past money, and monetary things, focusing on what having a family brings to the equation. It has a good message that resonates well, something so many take for granted. Good job looking at the big picture. Good luck in the contest!
160
160
Review of More Sue  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
A story of relationships between men and women. A family who names their girls derivatives of Susannah, passes on valuable insights into men and women. Susan relays a story about her and her finance and how things are supposed to go in the future.

SETTING -
Susan telling the story of switching pants was easy to picture as she shared the details of it to her sister, Susie.

CHARACTERS -
Susan, engaged, getting ready to start her new life with her intended, and still having to work a few things out.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No errors. Good dialog between the two girls as they had a conversation about the new loft.

THOUGHTS -
I liked the explanation of what men need at the beginning of the story. That really set the tone for this short story. I thought all of the women being names a form of "Sue" would be an issued, but you explained that as well. Nothing like making a parents job easier to get things done, than by using one name as an umbrella to get everyone's attention. I liked the two girls talking, and Susan sharing this with her sister. It was funny to see Susan turn the tables on her intended so cleverly. He totally thought he had her when he told her to wear his pants, stating it would be the only time she ever did so. Nicely done. Write on!
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
161
161
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
Father and son off on another adventure, to tear away life in the form of trees and other shrubbery. This adventure has you crawling around a massive rosebush, trying to get a chain around it's base so it can be removed from the ground by your father and his Bedford.

SETTING -
I loved all of the internal dialog when it came to describing your father as a man of many words, or, not so many words. You trying to talk him out of making you wrap the chain around the rosebush was good, I had a really clear picture of that. But you and and that snake! Oh my that was hilarious, and scary at the same time. I cannot imagine how terrified you must have been then.

CHARACTERS -
The snake who is just as terrified as you were. You father, who gave you such a good glimpse of his affections for you, only to turn it around into something else. And you, unable to say no to your father, hating every second of the tasks he puts for you carry out, and of course these wonderful stories each one leads to. You have a great pace that really lets the reader get a clear picture as things progress.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No spelling errors! Yea! Go you!! Again, great dialog. It's so easy to get into the story and the dialog always has me laughing at the way you and your dad talk to one another.

THOUGHTS -
Another great story. I loved this one. When you and the snake came face to face, which sent you off out of the rosebush like a shot of lightning, only falling onto your behind as you skidded away had me rolling. You always manage to paint a really vivid scene with your word choices. Love the humor of these tales. Thanks for sharing. Write on!
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

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162
162
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
Doc and Dad again, off to rescue the truck this time. As father and son try to get the old Bedford up and running, they run into a few snags along the way. Son, of course sees things father does not, and as accidents happen along the way, it leads to humor and a lot of swearing.

SETTING -
I love the images of the two of you attempting to work together, as everything seems to go wrong. Your father reminds me of my grandfather, who also had some mad word skills, inventing his own colorful jargon. When you both were under the truck, your dad with the chainsaw, I was waiting for you to get nicked by it, but alas, only the oil filter suffered that fate.

CHARACTERS -
You and your father, on another memorable adventure.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
His glare suggested strongly that finishing was a bad idea.

“I wanted you to point the direction I should drive in, to avoid stumps.”

I was about to crawl under there with him when

Dad pulled the starter and revved the saw a couple of times while giving me the familiar

Filled with dread at my approaching gory death, I went to side of the

soft drink crate he sued/used??? to store bottles of chainsaw fuel.

Mum arrived about half an hour later, and somehow this how/whole?? affair became

By the time he had called his favourite mechanic

The dialog is filled with humor, and that's what makes these stories so fresh and exciting.

THOUGHTS -
Hey, Doc. told you I'd be back to read some more of these. And this one didn't disappoint. You have some great storytelling going when it comes to the adventures of you and your father. They are so down to earth and hilarious as to how you two manage to work together. Great descriptions and banter. You have your father's looks down to a science, really showing his range of emotions in his eyes as he looks at you, or glares. Write on!
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

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163
163
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -Micah buys a long since forgotten mansion to fix it up and then flip it. The history of the house has kept most away. Camellia committed suicide over a century ago and her spirit still resides there.


SETTING - Really easy to see Camellia and the changes to the mansion. Best scene was brushing her hair with the old hairbrush.


CHARACTERS -Micah is enraptured by Camellia and falls in love with her. Camellia has always loved that house. Will always love the house most.


GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -I found no errors. Dialog was done well, easy to get into.


THOUGHTS -Nice job using the photo Prompt for Tales of Seduction. You described the details of the picture that pulled me in and had me excited to see where you would take your characters. I should have expected the ending, knowing how she felt about leaving that house so long ago. I did feel bad for Micah, believing he could take her with him and they could have a happy life. How many times will she throw herself out the window? Very sad to be so tied down to a house. Nice job for the contest. Write on!

House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

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164
164
Review of The Lab  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
Marie and a Lieutenant are inside a cave in Peru where they are monitoring Alien technology. The Lieutenant thinks she's touched something that made the electronics inside the cave come to life, but in actuality it was automatic. Together they try to figure out just what the place represented, and once Marie realizes it what it is, it comes as a shock.

SETTING -
Good job setting the scene inside the cave with all of the electronics as Marie plugged away on her computer trying to make sense of the transmissions. What was missing is elaborating on the sounds inside the cave. You bring up the alarm going off. What did is sound like? Adding more of the senses into this would really draw the reader in further.

CHARACTERS -
Marie caught up in all the data. The Lieutenant who is curious, asking questions.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No errors. The Lieutenant seemed more laid back that I imagined an officer to be.

THOUGHTS -
You had a lot going on in this piece. When the discovery was made of just what they were standing inside it gave me a chill. Bravo for bringing that into the story. Think about adding more descriptive elements to really pull the reader into the story. Show their visible emotions to make your audience identify with your characters. Write on!
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

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165
165
Review of Promises  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
Shawn and Katie find each other in college and are inseparable. Shawn knows right away that Katie is his perfect match, but doesn't crowd or rush her. They marry, have children, grandchild and then the love of her life is taken from her.

SETTING -
You set a perfect picture of Shawn proposing after their dinner, during a walk under the stars. It was easy to see all of this as it played out from her memories.

CHARACTERS -
Shawn, the now departed husband who was Katie's everything for forty-five years. Katie who is still here, remembering their history with fondness, waiting for her time to be with him again in the hereafter.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No errors. The brief dialog of Shawn's proposal was sweet.

THOUGHTS -
What a touching story of a wonderful love between this couple. It's never easy when your life partner passes away, but all of the memories of this pair were beautiful. His recent loss lingers for her, and she cannot bring herself to put his things away. They shared life, and love, children and grandchildren. I loved that Katie realized they were never poor because having that kind of love/relationship is priceless. Nicely done. Write on!
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

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166
166
Review of Brokenhearted  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
Shayna is learning how to manage being a single mother after the loss of her husband, Ben. Instead of losing herself in the grief and letting it take over, she finds the bright spot to life and enjoys every moment she can with their son.

SETTING -
Good descriptions as she thinks about her husband, and watches their little boy.

CHARACTERS -
Shayna who struggles, yet finds the positives in life and learns to go on living, keeping her husband's memory close to her heart.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
Shayna’s mommy eyes shone upon the greatest treasure she had ever known.--In this first line I read it as if you were taking about the little boy's grandmother. But you were talking about Shayna so that would mean 'mommy' needs to be edited out.

THOUGHTS -
This was a very moving and emotional piece. It is never easy to lose someone you love, especially someone so young. It was nice to see how someone copes with it all, and focuses on the gifts life still has to offer. The reference to their son being the mini replica of his father, and Shayna getting to enjoy watching him grow up to be a wonderful man like Ben, was bittersweet. Great job hitting the emotional aspects of a tremendous loss, but not letting define who she was. I hope the people you wrote about are doing well, as they deserve to be happy. Happy Account Anniversary. Write On!
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

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167
167
Review of Sanctuary  
for entry "Prologue" 
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
Interesting prologue about high school, and how the cliques divide and conquer, being a cruel as possible, not even showing their teachers respect. Your main character tells the story of the popular crowd and how she doesn't fit in, observing all of the nasty behavior of her peers.

SETTING -
Good descriptions of the gym as they do yoga and Jade and Sienna bash other students, even the gym teacher before Sienna gets yanked out by her ear. The last few paragraphs as well added a lot of visual elements as your main character is down on the ground, yet out of her body looking on. The sexual imagery worked well to show how girls were being perceived.

CHARACTERS -
Your main character is an outsider, made fun for how she dresses.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No errors. The dialog is really telling of the way teens speak to one another now. It's like there is no filter whatsoever.

THOUGHTS -
I wish your main character had a name. That is the only thing that bothered be about this prologue. A lot went on for your character, and the ending was a surprise, which is a great hook to get your reader into the first chapter. Solid beginning for a novel. Think about adding her main characters name so the reader can connect to it and know who they are identifying with. Write on!
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

Image #1539895 over display limit. -?-
168
168
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
A father and son work to get an old saw up and running.

SETTING -
Ahhh, Doc, you had me laughing at the scene you painted of you and your father. I loved the visuals of the looks you give one another that have such meaning behind them. I felt so bad for your dad as he got knocked on his butt a few times trying to get that motor started.

CHARACTERS -
You and your father have a wonderful relationship from what I've read here. Your dad has that uncanny ability to never give up when he wants something done. You try your best to help, even knowing that it's going to turn out bad.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
I said, Llooking at dad’s old saw bench in the behind the house.---missing something here

It hasn’t run in months,”--missing front quote, change comma to period

He followed us as far as the saw bench before abandoning us for the shade of theback fence.

He finished unwrapping the vicious machine like a six year old at Christmas, finally exposing exposing the vivid blue Briggs and Stratton engine.

Dialog was great! Very comical.

THOUGHTS -
Loved this piece. I see there are more stories like it and I can't wait to read a few more. Wonderful job retelling this tale, and how it all played out. Write on!
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

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169
169
Review of Dinosaur Lust  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
A refreshing take on menopause, and not your ordinary look into it. This goes much further than the common symptoms and complaints we usually read about. This takes it a bit further, moving past hot flashes, emotional outbursts, etc, and in such an honest and awesome way.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No errors to point out. It was a quick read with a lot of truth dashed in.

THOUGHTS -
Finally! Someone tackles the one thing most don't talk about when it comes to menopause. I'm in surgical menopause now, having had a hysterectomy in January. All I've heard about are the negatives, and the only thing mentioned when it comes to our sexual appetite is that it's nonexistent. I often wondered if it were true or if it were just me that didn't lose this. So glad I came into your portfolio today and discovered that being full of lust and horny is a common thing. So many changes take place when our bodies go through this process it's easy to focus on the negatives of it, instead of really looking at the most amazing changes that are happening, changes that we have no control over really, and lust is at the top of the list. Thanks for sharing this honest feedback, and giving insight into a scary process. More people need to be honest about this gift, and yes I say gift because this aspect of the change is really something unique and incredible! Write on!
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170
170
Review of Second Chances  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
Darren likes Melanie, but follows peer pressure and winds up hurting her just as the others are doing. He feels terrible about it and looks for a way to tell her how he feels, apologize and make it up to her.

SETTING -
Nice setting at the end when he sings to her and the crowd gathers around, including his ex-girlfriend.

CHARACTERS -
The story revolves around Darren as he makes a bad choice and does something big to regain the attentions of Melanie. He is desperate to apologize and make things right between them. Nice added element of humor between the pair.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
Dialog flowed well and was natural.

THOUGHTS -
I liked that Darren had watched how his father made amends to his mother, and took that a step further. Writing a song filled with emotions to tell the girl he likes how he feels is a big deal. Doing it in public is a big deal as well. It worked for, and he got his happy ending. Nice job adding the ex in there for added effect. It's a typical scenario as ex's go, seeing something they missed the first time around that rekindles buried feelings. Melanie has a sense of humor and good heart as she gives Darren his second chance. Write on!
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171
171
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
Richter is good with his hands, and lovingly makes something for his young son. He is happy and content with his life, especially his beautiful wife. Until the war came. With it brought something else entirely. His family gone, him walking around with a new friend, Ulfric, and learning the truth of his new existence.

SETTING -
Nice job setting the scene of the love he had for his family, and the devastation of war that ravaged the land. I felt so bad for him, and wondered why he was spared as well.

CHARACTERS -
Richter is devastated over the loss of his family, and tries to come to terms with their violent death. Ulfric is there to try and help him long, having saved him. It is a journey of discovery for both.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
Dialog was good, the conversations had good flow and intensity.

THOUGHTS -
A sad tale of the ravages of war, and what becomes of those left behind, with a twist of course. It was easy to identify with Richter as he struggled with the heartbreaking loss of his wife and son, and anger set in. Then the knowledge of learning he's now a vampire. Ulfric tries to tell him his own story, of the things he's learned, but revenge is all Richter can see. Nice read. Interesting story with a lot to take in, and can be turned into a novel. Write on!
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172
172
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
I loved this story and the significance of your fathers hard work throughout his life that shows his love for you. What a wonderful thing to realize and be able to share with generations to come.

SETTING -
Great descriptions of how he worked, the smells that comfort you and yet can be offensive to others. Very vivid details of the woodwork, where they are now, what they've been through and how they take up from one child to the next, all hand made by your father.

CHARACTERS -
I am assuming you are writing about yourself and your dad. It's a great little piece that packs so much love and passion. He was passionate about his work and expressed that in everything he created.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
Though it is pungent and unpleasant to some, it makes me feel warm and content<--missing period


THOUGHTS -
So many times the labor of love is missed, only to be realized when it's too late. I didn't find that here. You captured glimpses of your father's love well, and appreciated the things he did through his creativity, and then through yours in this short story. Very heartwarming. Fantastic job. Write on!
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173
Review of Curt Butt  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
Curt does not like gays and sets out to ruin a childhood acquaintance's life who he feels doesn't deserve his wealthy upbringing either. He sets out on a course of destruction, excited as his plan is put into motion, just waiting to watch the fallout and gain some satisfaction.

SETTING -


CHARACTERS -
Really good insight into your characters evil mind as he steps up his plan and puts it into motion. He always has that weird quirk of losing his hair.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
besides working as a computer-controlled tool operator, that it/is?

Instead [comma] he turned his hatred into snide comments and working behind the scenes.

Leave him down and dirty, crawling in the dirt. Poor as a third world country.--these two should be combined into one sentence.

You have a lot of repeating words in the same paragraph that really stand out and take away from the intensity of the story--Decides/decided/deciding.

THOUGHTS -
Nice twist at the end when Curt's meddling backfires and helps Harvey instead. Good use of karma in this aspect. You painted a clear picture of the kind of person Curt is, and how he carried out his plan, even using children to deliver the letters.
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Review of 10 Days of Spring  
for entry "Spirits" 
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
A young priestess sits alone, waiting, watching as the magic of the crystals begins to move in streams that radiate light throughout the temple courtyard.

SETTING -
Really great vivid imagery in this from the beginning to the end. I could easily picture the rays of light beaming in different colors and playing off one another, off the walls.

CHARACTERS -
Your young priestess, the anticipation of seeing the magic of the crystals keeps her still in the back while she watches with wonder.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
I found no errors. However, you used the word 'within' three times in the first paragraph alone which really stood out. Think about changing at least one of them to break it up so it isn't so noticeable.

THOUGHTS -
I liked the backstory about the Immortal Anastri. It filled in questions as to why the young priestess sat so still waiting for the crystals to reflect their perfect light in the temple. They say moonlight has a cleansing effect, as it played off the crystals that is what I felt you were going for. Good visuals of the light and the priestess. I wish there was more to this scene because you painted the picture so well. Good job capturing the scene and making it really stand out. Write on!
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Review of Mexican Standoff  
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

PLOT -
Paca and Alejandro are chained across from one another, their plight still unknown. Each has feelings for the other and now here they are, bound.

SETTING -
You did great painting the scene of them both bound and separate, not being able to reach one another. The outside crowd made so much noise it was impossible for Alejandro to talk to her, calm her, make things better for the woman he loves.

CHARACTERS -
Paca, a strong willed woman has set her sights on Alejandro from the moment she saw him. Alejandro fights to win Paca's heart, and now here they are bound, crowds gathering, farming tools strewn about.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE -
No errors. Good inner dialog as they both thought about their past and what was going on around them in this moment.

THOUGHTS -
What a twist. I mean I knew there would be one, but it never occurred to me that it would turn out to be what it was. Great job with this short story, setting the scene, glimpses of your main characters, things happening around them and then BAM! I was laughing so hard, thinking about marriage and all that it entails and I'd have to say, that yes it can be like this taking that enormous step. Great job. Write on!
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