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76
76
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
~~Thank you for entering "Write From the Heart - Story Contest"   by Purple Celebrates . This review is my opinion, take from it what you like, discard what you don't. Good Luck!~~

Plot:
Sam comes home and notices the odd behavior of his wife. It's the little things that she does, and does not do that really pique is curiosity. All he really needs is a kiss from her to make things right.

Characters:
Sam is a truck driver and has just returned. He needs his ritual of kissing his wife like he needs air to breathe. She claims the doctor told her she's contagious and cannot give him what he wants. As they sit down to watch television, he notices a strange creature in the corner of the room. The alien admits that the town Sam lives in is an experiment.

Use of Prompt: *Checkv*
Included Word Count: *Checkg*

Grammar/Spelling/Repeats:
No issues.

Overall Impression:
The story was a little jumpy. In the beginning, Sam is in the truck, the road disappears, desert turns to grass and he's suddenly walking in the door. If you are going to include all of this information, you may want to work on showing how he moves from one place to the other so it's a smooth transition. You describe other moments throughout the story in detail, so your main characters movements should be easy for you. I wasn't expecting this to be a an alien story. Is the alien the reason for Mel's strange behavior? I wasn't quite sure about that. I really wanted to see how Mel's turning away from Sam's kiss made him feel. Was he disappointed? Upset? Angry? Some emotion that showed me exactly what he was thinking and feeling as he tried several times to get that kiss.



This would be my name.
77
77
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose - REOPE...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Thank you for entering "Tales of Seduction - OPEN"   by Purple Celebrates

Plot:
A man searches for love, fears it, sees it as a ghost, taunting him. This was fantastic as you described all three of his relationships, what he found, what he liked most about them, how the loss affected him, and most importantly how much he'd grown in the process.

Sensuality:
Good moments of sensuality scattered throughout. This was mostly an emotional journey and it worked very well.

Impression:
I enjoyed your take on the love, using the song title as your prompt. Each relationship stood out, and by the time Lisa is introduced there is hope for your main character.

Grammar/Spelling/Other issues:
No issues.

Followed Prompt: Yes
Word Count Range: Yes





~~Please remember these are my opinions and are not meant to hurt, only help. Take what you can from my comments that work for you, and discard the rest!! Happy writing!!~~
Daughter of Desire
78
78
Review of Starting Over  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
This was really great. I appreciated your candor as you laid out what your journey has been like trying to get published. It is a tough gig to get, but what a great sense of accomplishment when we write something we are proud of.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
It's clear you followed your passion, and even though you didn't get the results you wanted, you didn't let it stop you from working hard.

PLOT~
The writing takes you from college, writing about your friend's escapades and through graduation as you make the big leap from writing your book to moving to New York. That's a pretty brave move to make. I couldn't imagine what it would be like sitting in that office and watching your writing being slashed from top to bottom.

DESCRIPTION~
You described everything you went through well and how this journey changed you, and your writing. Sometimes we forget that it is not always about having the technical side of writing down. Adding emotions and being descriptive is a huge part of the process. I'm glad that you managed to realize that and didn't give up. That meeting definitely gave you a lot to think about, and I'm sure you are better for the experience. As the saying goes, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and you proved that point!


House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
79
79
Review of Starting Over  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I liked the way that story started out and the dynamic between Kelli and her mother.

PLOT~
Kelli Walker is back home, out of a job and unmarried, which is an embarrassment for her mother. Everyone in her old neighborhood knows everything that's going on with eveybody else. On this day, there is a murder and since Kelli is a reporter, she rushes to get answers so she can blog about it.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Kelli is hot on the story even though she is not happy to be back home. She banters with her mother and then rushes to the crime scene before she starts interviewing the neighbors to get the scoop.

DIALOG~
I loved the interaction between mother and daughter. That really showed both characters well. When Kelli was in Max's apartment the dialog doesn't feel as real, and the story starts to fall apart.

TECHNICAL~
He loved - lived 3 blocks

One minute Kelli is standing there with a gun on her, trying to get the killer to talk. You never show her putting the gun away, or dropping it or something. Suddenly she's in handcuffs and as a reader, I didn't understand how you got from point A to point B so quickly.
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
80
80
Review of Devoured  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
You do dark stories really well, Charlie. This is was a bit much for me I admit, but it was a quick read with lots of details that churns the stomach. Even though the title gave a hint as to what was coming, I still read on.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
Descriptions of what Kate went through, being devoured that. Pretty nasty.

PLOT~
Alex is driving Kate and she freaks out, swearing that a man was hurt on the side of the road. She swears she's taking her medications, is not hallucinating and jumps out of the car. Alex follows and they argue. He cannot convince her to get back in the car and agrees to look around. When they find nothing, he is ready to leave. Kate instead takes off toward the guard rail and that's when she sees the distorted face of an armless man who begins to eat her.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Poor Kate. I honestly felt bad for her. To see the things she does, which no one believes. Alex has a lot of patience because he does care for his sister, though he seems annoyed by her illness.

When the man started eating Kate, I was grossed out, making faces, and my kid came in and asked me what was wrong, lol. How's that for having an effect on your readers?

DIALOG~
I could see the argument on the side of the road playing out. Kate was so sure, determined to get Alex to see what she did and even though he didn't believe her, he still tried to help. Only it was all in her mind. How very sad.


House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
81
81
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I like fantasy stories with Princess' and dragons, too bad the Prince turned out to be anything but Princely.

PLOT~
Kara screams from the tower, watching as Prince Holland and his caravan takes off, leaving her behind. She's a prisoner in the castle and wants to escape. She receives a scroll with a medallion telling her that the medallion will protect her from the Lord of the Castle. She takes the medallion with her and heads out of her chamber into the castle, in search of a way out. In the process, she encounters a dragon in one of the chambers.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Kara who is hearing her mother's words about never trusting a Prince ringing in her ears and coming true. The Dragon who is happy to meet Kara, as the Prince has left here there as a gift. And the bad Prince who has no trouble leaving Kara behind.

Good descriptions as Kara left the room with only a torch and slowly made her way down the stairs. I did wonder who her loyal servant was that sent the scroll to her.

DIALOG~
Mostly Kara talking to herself, and then the conversation at the end with the Dragon. That last paragraph was a bit confusing for me and I wasn't sure exactly what the medallion had to do with him leaving the castle.

TECHNICAL~
beware of his anger.

Your loyal servant

stopping every few minutes
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
82
82
Review of Dear Jane Austen  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

IMPRESSION -
An open letter to Jane Austin from one of her many fans, a Janeite. Love the term to describe yourself. I admit I had never heard it before. There is a lot of passion in your letter to Jane and you point out which stories of hers that you like best, and which characters are your favorites. I liked the way you approached this subject and how you explained things to her as if she were alive today and wondering what was going on.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
You made the letter current and went into details describing movies and comparing them to plays, which she would understand. There is a nice easy flow with your writing as your emotions play out in this letter, which also gives good insight to you as well. You help make her characters come alive too, as you list the ones you believe you would be good friends with in real life. I don't think she ever knew what her stories would mean to so many, and how she would empower women with the written word. We could all use a Mr. Darcy in our lives. He really is an extraordinary character. They don't make them like they used to.


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83
83
Review of GRIN & BEAR IT  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
This is a great story. I wondered what happened to the Rabbi, and you didn't disappoint in delivering his story.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
That is story was like an expansion of a joke that begins a Rabbi, a Priest, and a Minister.

PLOT~
At a symposium, a priest, rabbi and minister chat during a meal about how to convert people to their flock. It isn't long before an interesting proposal comes about and all three set out to find a bear to convert. The minister is quick to tell his tale of how he wrestled with the bear and baptized him right on the spot. The priest one upped him with his account of using his silver cross and how it mesmerized the bear enough to throw holy water on him and then read the rosary. As the rabbi is missing, they soon learn he is in the hospital and they rush to check on him.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
It was so easy to picture this happening. You did a really good job pulling this story altogether and showing the different techniques each used for the purpose of their little bet.

The Rabbi was hilarious in how he decided to go about his task, which turned out to be an epic fail.

DIALOG~
Perfect here as well, giving the rabbi an accent that totally set him apart from the priest and minister. Great job!

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84
84
Review of First Memory  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I know the television show you reference but I've never watched it. Mostly it was a solid story, but a few hiccups that stopped the flow. See technical below.


PLOT~
A woman wakes in New York and cannot remember who she is. She finds a driver's license in her pocket but doesn't recognize the name. She has a vague recollection of where she's from and heads there. When she gets to the house, the man that answers the door is stunned that she's back because he thought she was dead and had her buried. Explosions start happening, and as they try to escape, Matt is killed before he can give her the information she needs to regain help jolt her memory. Veronica is then stabbed with a needle and falls unconscious. When she wakes hours later, she overhears a conversation between two CIA operatives who discuss who she is, why they are holding her, jolting her memory. The men leave her in Central Park.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Veronica is a reporter working on a story and has her memory wiped. She is on a mission to find her true identity. Her husband Matt is killed in the process of her learning about her identity. Two CIA men give discuss the situation and give her more than enough to go on.

It felt like you were in a rush to get all of the information out and that left a few mishaps in your story.

TECHNICAL~
If she wakes up alone in New York where did the money come from to make it back to Philidelphia? That stood out for me. Also, when she's talking to Matt and the explosions start happening, you say the house blows up, but yet they get into the house and make it out the side door.

I think you could slow things down a little and add more detail to everything that is happening which would add to the suspense and paint a clear picture of everything that is going. I wondered how she felt when she woke, what she saw, smelled. Was she physically hurting or struggling with her restraints? Just a little more added detail would really pull this story altogether and make it absorbing.

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85
85
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
What a cute story about a mother, her prankster son and a spider. All parents have been there a time or two when they are just too tired to care about creepy crawly bugs on them.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
I love that she bailed on him in the end and rushed off to shower away any possible trace of the spider. That made me laugh!

PLOT~
A mom and her son are cleaning out the garage when he tells her there's a spider crawling on her. Knowing how her son likes to tease her about one on her phobias she doesn't fall for it and keeps working on getting the task accomplished until she feels something crawling on her neck.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
The mom who doesn't want to fall for the trick and then realizes her son may not be joking after all. The son who is adamant that he's not messing around with her this time and tries to plead his case.

I could picture this scene playing out as they cleaned, stopping to discuss the situation and her being too tired to care if he were telling the truth. I could feel the son's frustration when he realized, either way, he was going to lose.

DIALOG~
The dialog was real and believable between these two. You made it easy to see everything that was happening, and at the end, brought humor to the story as well.



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86
86
Review of Roadkill  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
A story that starts out fun with music playing, but soon turns creepy as a chain of events happen.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
The big change in tone from the beginning of the story to the end. I hadn't realize that's where it was going.

PLOT~
David and Emily are driving down the road, music playing, each taking turns to dose off for a few. Emily falls asleep as David is getting into his Euro music and then hits something in the road. He pulls the car over to investigate and sees a lot of blood, too much for the one animal lying dead on the road. When he realizes that something else is out there, he and Emily rush back to the car to make their escape.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Emily appears to have a kind heart, wanting to bury the dead animal. David is a fan of good music and likes it playing on road trips. When he gets out of the car to see what he's hit, he is shocked by all of the blood and knows something is amiss. He went from shock to fear in an instant upon realizing something else is out there. His fear showed well as he grabbed for Emily and rushed back to the car.

DIALOG~
Dialog worked to push the story forward and show what both of your main characters were doing and their reactions. Nice job with your prompt.

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87
87
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Purpose and Audience
For any musical lover, dreamer, or just someone looking for something new. This was a great article about how music helps to shape our lives, whether we see it or not.

Structure
I really enjoyed how Hey Jude transported you back to a specific place and time and how it felt as if it could've happened just yesterday. You went from mentioning the song, to letting your reader catch a glimpse of your past. That was vivid for me.

Style
I am an avid music lover as well. I think a lot of people forget just how powerful music can be, how some songs remain with us decades later and can still cause a reaction when you haven't heard it in a long time. You touched upon all of that and really made this piece a good read.

Personal Response
I admit I didn't know the James song, but that didn't matter. You managed to remind me of many songs shaped my life so far, and I'm positive plenty more will come around that will leave their mark as well. I'm glad you have such great memories to hang onto. And I agree with you, these are the moments we should hang onto and look back upon. I cannot remember the last time I felt carefree, but I imagine as you pointed out, one song could propel me back to another place and time and remind me of what that feels like all over again. Nice job!
88
88
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
Very sad story of a father and daughter who have both suffered great losses at the hands of others and try to learn how to move forward in life, yet their demons still haunt them.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
That her father finally gave in and decided to help his daughter do something that wasn't common, but knew that she was right.

PLOT~
Derrick Andrieus wants to see his daughter married again, having children, taking care of a home, not bothering with swordplay. Felicity calls her father out on the choices he's been making since her mother's death, reminding him that all of his whores won't take away the pain and torture they went through when they were attacked.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
The horrors of war can be truly evil and leave you without hope once you've suffered so greatly.
Felicity is quick to point out all of the reasons why this is the best course of action for her now. She's suffered physically and mentally, and could never let a man touch her again. She vows to fight and is ready to learn all that she needs to in order to defend herself. Derrick doesn't want his daughter to do this, but when she threatens to find someone else to help her in her quest, he has a change of heart. Felicity was definitely hard on her father, reminding him of what happened to all of them on that horrible day.

DIALOG~
Gripping conversation between father and daughter. I loved how Felicity fought to get her point across, even at her father's expense.



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89
89
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
It's so sad that these things need to be said, but I totally agree with every point you've made. I know life tends to get in the way at times, which makes it difficult to fulfill your obligations, but sometimes I believe people just don't really care, and that is a hard pill to swallow. One of the best things about writing.com is the community atmosphere. It can be such a fun place, almost like a second home when put yourself out there and join in the fun and excitement.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
All of your thoughts were clear and concise on the matter or giving in our little community. Auctions can be so much fun, but when you've paid for your package and it never gets delivered, it takes over a month for the giver to actually remember they donated a package, it takes the fun out of the event. Sometimes when you are let down during these activities, it makes you less likely to participate in the future, and that only hinders other auctions. At the very least, a thank you is in order for the simple tasks, like a when you receive a review. Getting a review shows that someone took the time to read your work, whatever the rating was. I'm sorry to hear about the post left in a forum. Bullying seems to be the way these days as we all flock to the internet and somehow know we are so hidden behind the screen we can do whatever we want and not have to face the consequences because we think we are anonymous. How very sad. Great article. All we can do in the end is put our best efforts forward, and hope those without the common sense or decency to do so will figure it out eventually.



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90
90
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
Hey, Jeff. Nice job with this prompt. Being stranded with an ex-wife would certainly not be fun, but this worked well.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
You always use good details in your writing that really draws the reader in, and your main character's thoughts enhance it all.

PLOT~
Two exes are stranded on an island after his plane goes down. He is helping his ex-move to Jakarta to start a new life with a new guy. There is some bitterness about that, but they do what they can to survive. They make some headway getting ready to spend the night as nightfall approaches.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Good job giving me a glimpse of the small island in the middle of the ocean. It was easy to see him working on building the pyre and her out in the water trying to spear a fish for dinner. I wondered if the knife wasn't such a bad thing to her now that it was coming in handy.

DIALOG~
True to the bickering that exes go through, these two really kept it going with little barbs at one another. I felt so bad for him at the end as he thought about what a romantic setting they were in.

TECHNICAL~
After we dragged ourselves
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91
91
Review of No Brownies  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I was wondering where this conversation was going and you didn't disappoint.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
The conversation played out well as one person relayed the day's events to another and the added humor at the end was great.

PLOT~
One sibling can't wait to tell the other what happened when their mother went to the grocery store. The one listening to it all has questions galore and their sibling is only too happy to keep explaining it all.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Hearing about their mother's heroics leads to an interesting conversation between two siblings. It was like being a fly on the wall.

DIALOG~
You managed to create a gripping dialog only entry for the Daily Flash. I kept wondering what the brownies had to do with anything, but as the story unfolded it seems the brownies had everything to do with it. The dialog worked really well for this purpose of telling this story of their mother and what happened to her that day. I could picture that scene of the siblings, one being in the know, the other trying to understand what had happened. I loved that after the mom saves the day, she still forgot the cocoa for the brownies, which she went to the store in the first place to get.

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92
92
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
This story moved fast as Alan stood to wait for Sandra to show. I like that about these Daily Flash challenges. You worked in all of the prompt words well and managed to create a sad, but a creepy story.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
The descriptions of the lake and use of the prompt word mirror when you described the birds and clouds going by overhead.

PLOT~
Alan and Sandra are lovers who meet in a hidden cove on the lake. Sandra is married to Frank, a horrible man who keeps his wife on a short leash. Today is the day they will make their escape, and leave a trail that would lead the police and Frank to think that Sandra had simply drowned in the lake and died. Alan waits, but Sandra never shows. When he hears sirens he soon realizes why she's late, and looking down into the lake again, he sees her lifeless eyes staring up at him.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Sandra in a bad marriage, ready to take a chance with Alan and run away. Alan who waits for the woman he's fallen in love with, and as time ticks by begins to worry. Frank who found out about their affair and takes matters into his own hands.

You did a really good job showing what the lake looked like and how hidden their private cove was.

TECHNICAL~
startled by a siren abruptly sounded- perhaps sounding instead
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93
93
Review of Ricky  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
Solid story about this bird saving her life.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
Smart and observant bird. I was surprised she brushed off the warning and drank the entire pot, and even more shocked at the outcome of realizing what Dave tried to do to her.

PLOT~
Laura is mostly a loner aside from her husband Dave. One day a bird in a cage appears on their doorstep. The parakeet begins talking and lets them know his name is Ricky. After a moment of shock, Laura begins to engage the bird telling Ricky all of her problems. Suspecting Dave is cheating, she unloads this to Ricky. One day Dave gives her a drink that makes her feel funny, and she goes to bed to sleep it off. The next morning, Ricky warns her not to drink the pot of coffee Dave has left for her, but she does so anyway.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Laura is lonely and welcomes Ricky giving her someone to confide in. She couldn't fathom that her husband would try to kill her until the drugged coffee makes her sleep again and a vivid premonition in dream form shows her whats to come. Laura's reactions were described well, and so was that dream she had with the tarot cards.

DIALOG~
The dialog was just enough to give Laura a heads up before Dave could follow through with his plan. The scene with the lawyer at the end was funny.


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94
94
Review of Unexpected Hunger  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
So many relationships start out this way. Even when Katherine's friend suggests the possibilities of her brother's friends, Katherine cannot go there, though she wants. This showed well.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
The conversation between Anabelle and Katherine on the phone as they discussed the status of her recent relationship. This set up the rest of the story and helped Katherine pursue something she wasn't sure she could.

PLOT~
Katherine is crushing on her brother Simon's friend Erik. Simon notices the way Erik is checking out his sister and calls him out on it. Katherine is lost in thought as Erik comes up from the basement to get the snacks she was supposed to be preparing for the guys and things heat up in the kitchen.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Katherine who shows interest in Erik but doesn't think she can go there until Erik closes the distance between them. Erik, despite Simon telling him no, takes a chance and goes after something he wants.

It was easy to picture Katerine's date with Mr. BMW and how that all played out. A sizzling scene in the kitchen between Katherine and Erik. I like that he stumbled on asking her out.

DIALOG~
All of the dialog between the friends worked well and showed how solid those relationships are. Katherine and Anabelle's conversation was funny, while Simon and Erik were realistic as well. Erik and Katherine had a few awkward moments before things took a big change for both of them.


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95
95
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I'm a big fan of supernatural stories and loved this one. You showed Jace perfectly as he tried to make sense of what was happening and figure out who the girl was that showed an interest in him.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
Jace's willingness to believe that the things that were happening were real. It's so easy to dismiss these things, but he sought them out, even venturing into unknown territory.

PLOT~
Jace senses a presence near, one that touches him, teases him and he cannot seem to get enough of her. His mother is almost desperate to fix him up, even throwing a party to get single women there hoping he will take an interest in one of them. Jace can hear the woman, and they soon begin a dialog. He wants to know everything about her, what he sees, who she is. He goes up to his bedroom and drowns out the party, ready to get some answers to all of the questions in his mind.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
Jace's impressions of her and his emotions were great. I could feel this excitement when she was near, and the disappointment when he couldn't sense her. I liked the scene of him trying to write it down and only getting one word before their conversation started, only to be interrupted. Is there more of this story? I'd love to keep reading and see where you take Jace. Though I did like the ending because it leaves your reader wondering and coming up with their own ideas as where Jace wound up once the story stopped.

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Review of Just a Dream  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
I don't even know what to say about this piece. It's gripping, sad, filled with emotion, depressing, heartache.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
That it was brutally honest about someone struggling through life and giving up on everything.

PLOT~
Life isn't what it was supposed to be. Each choice made leads you down a path and never knowing which one is the right one, sometimes leads to horrible outcomes. That is what happens here. One wrong choice after another that leads one to believe they have no heart or soul, that their angel has abandoned them and there is no coming back from all of the bad things they've done in life. Hope no longer exists. Even death seems like a waste of time.

CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~
You were able to reach into the darkest parts of oneself and really show how horribly difficult life and truly be. Not every gets the good breaks, and those that get one bad one after another lose all hope and once hope is gone, it is a complete downward spiral that feels like there is no coming back from it. This was the most heart-wrenching story I've ever read.

TECHNICAL~
all of your i'm need a capital I in them.
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Review of Turn Around  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

Rhythm/Rhyme
This was mostly a smooth read until the second to the last line. Not sure what threw off the flow for me. The rest of the rhyme scheme worked really well as the tale of these lovers takes a big turn after they've been together for years.

Imagery
You do really well with putting images into your reader's mind. I loved the line: young loves trace, reminding the reader of what relationships are like in the very beginning when you start to fall in love.

Impressions
Thing get really bad when you have to question if your partner is wearing a disguise. It is a bittersweet poem, filled with the highs and lows of this failing relationship. One is desperate to hang on, to show their love all that they have been and what they still could be. This leaves that question, how well do you really know someone? Not an easy question to answer for sure. Couples do drift apart and when they do it's a very sad thing to witness. You really hit upon that with good a pull of emotions the reader can identify with. Even as they question, terms of endearment still remain, which makes this heartbreaking.



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Review of Stay  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

Rhythm/Rhyme
This had great flow and the rhyme scheme really worked well to detail the hunger in wanting her to stay. Each stanza added to the intensity, the longing.

Imagery
I could picture them spending time together, each moment etched out in his mind as he realizes the depths of his feelings for her, and how he never wants her to leave. It is almost like these feelings have taken him by surprise as he questions how love can make him feel lovesick. You described her smile, her eyes, and how time was not a friend, stealing moments away from the couple.

Impressions
Loved this. I could feel the longing, the craving, the pleading to get her to stay. Just the thought of having to wait until tomorrow to see her again is anguish for him. It's amazing how love can take over a person world and turn everything upside down. You portrayed that so well in this poem. I liked the repeating line at the end of each stanza that helped to showcase how much he wanted her to stay. The title said it all, and let the reader know where this was going. Fantastic read.



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Review of Stars  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
You did a good job showing the dynamics between the cynic and the dreamer.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
I loved how perplexing he found her, especially when it pertained to the stars. It was almost like they spoke two different languages, yet understood one another so well. He sees things in black and white and she lives in the gray areas.

PLOT~
A cynic falls in love with a dreamer who causes him to see things from her perspective, all the while he still finds it hard to believe she still likes him. He thinks of her beyond the outside of the box when it comes to her way of thinking.

CHARACTER~DESCRIPTION~
Solid descriptions that showcased your two main characters and how different they are. He points out all of the things that mean more to him than her shortcomings. That, in a nutshell, is what love is all about. Finding the wonderment in the things that make you individuals and relishing them. It's a rare gift to have that kind of insight.

DIALOG~
Their conversation about the stars was cute, funny and makes a person think. Having that kind of insight into the world, seeing beyond what is right in front of you and still finding that kind of beauty is a gift to be sure.

If this is based on fact, I wish you the best. Hold onto her.

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In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"   by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
Loved this! Great ending that had me laughing so hard. You did really well with your three hundred word count, and the added humor was perfect! I admit at first between the title of your story and the use of DD, I read it as designated driver. Nice twist to the DD.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
Everything. You did great describing the sheriff and his new deputy sitting in wait for the drunks to file out of the bar.

PLOT~
A sheriff and his deputy discuss entrapment as they wait outside a bar for the drunks to leave so they can nab them and get them off the roads. They watch as one man stumbles out, drops his keys, hits his head before getting behind the wheel and pulling out of the parking lot onto the highway. The sheriff is puzzled when he passes all of the DWI tests that he should have failed.

CHARACTERS~
The sheriff who believes he's doing his job is thrown for a loop and outsmarted by the DD. The deputy who thinks they shouldn't be lying in wait outside the bar. The DD who outsmarts them and gives everyone else a good head start.

DIALOG~
The dialog was great. I liked that the deputy questioned the sheriff about this stake out, and how confident the sheriff was with his job. I could completely picture the Sheriff's confusion as the DD explained what those two little stood for. Great job!



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