Happy Valentine's Day from a fellow Dream Team group member.
Very beautiful and nicely writing. I love these dreams, they are so sensual (appealing to the senses). The title is good. I didn't see anything that needed to be changed. I really can't say I much I really love this story, and how it is writing. I can imagine myself being there. I reminds me of the sixth meditation, Shiva-Shakti. Keep Writing, you are very good.
You did a nice job of writing this. I was a good story well told. Good title. It's a story everyone can relate to, another bad Monday. At least yours ended on a positive note. A lot of us aren't that lucky, a bad day is a bad day. Keep up the writing. this was enjoyable.
Dallas, nice writing of this poem. I like your analogy of words being the seeds to your brain growth. How the tiniest of things, words bring thoughts can expand. Thus, a few good planted words could become a novel someday. Very good writing, good style, and although a short poem, it tells a very big story. Congratulations, and welcome to the team.
Very well written poem, excellent flow, and wording. I like the descriptions, they are well worded. You are very talented, and I expect we with see more of your writing in the future. I am looking forward to that. Glad you are on our team, best of luck, although I don't think you need it, your skills are enough to get you by. Keep on writing!
Very nice emotional testimony of a fallen one. You show what it is to love a soul you never knew. This is just as much a tribute to you. A person who cares. Great writing, and peace be to your soul.
Very good writing! I liked this story a lot, it has a good title that sticks with you. It is a well written story, and funny. Thanks for the laugh. Keep up the good writing.
Very nicely written story. Good descriptive wording for the wind, and making more personal (giving it human traits) I could feel Bre's torment. Kind of like tempting fate, or ending a pain. The wind in her head was almost a damaging as the psychical wind of the tornado. It was tearing her up inside, just as it did when I struck, and took everything. Good job of writing. Only one small thing I see anything that needed improvement was this line. But today, today she knew Wind was coming for her. I would try not to start a sentence with but, or, etc. It could be something like, Today was going to be different, because today she knew the Wind was coming for her. This is only a suggestion. Keep up the good writing.
Good story. Good plot and writing. There is a couple of small things I would change. Like where you wrote " I went down this trail hundreds of times. I have nothing to worry about " I said to myself. How foolish! This don't need to be in parenthesizes, because it was a thought. It could be written like I went down this trail hundreds of times. I have nothing to worry about , I thought to myself, how foolish! Sam thing with "I forgot to put my glove back on!" I reminded myself. The last but smallest thing is i instead of a capital I. Very small things tike I said. Keep up the good writing.
I really like this story (dream), I like dreams anyway. This was well written, very well told for being a dream. It can be viewed on a few levels. This dream reveals the beginning of time though a dream. A story of first love. No wonder why some who fall in love say they see fireworks. You never know what can be born out of pure love. Great job in writing this, congratulations.
Very powerful story that is well written. This whole story a far as the medications are concerned, are all warnings on the labels of these items. This story made that labeling come alive, like a monster. Tylenol is an acetaminophen, and codeine a form or morphine. Sometime mixed together as cotylenol. I can see why you felt like you were married to the monster. The monster being Drug dependency. When he gave you the codeine, it acted as energy to you. It has that same effect one my. Yes stomach cramps are a side effect, but I don;t have to tell you that. Warnings on labels say not to mix with alcohol, may cause liver damage. That is your story as far as medications go. The psychological damage was worst, especially for you. He was a control freak, with a problem, of all which you know much about. He didn't trust you to be away from him, because if you talked to others, they would have told you you where crazy to stay with him. It was such a hard time for you, being naive, and full of love. Remember you did nothing wrong, and none of this was your fault. He being the domineering, abusive personality, that the abuse of these drugs would have caused. I am sure you tried to do something about this, however I think it would have caused beatings, or a least mental abuse. All making you feel worthless, and undeserving. Remember you son was also abused, just by being witness to it. I am sure you protected him as best as you could though. You didn't seem to know when you husband started these drugs, probably on small scale before you met. Thank you for writing a very hard story, I'm sure others will recognize themselves in this story. Marriage to the monster (until death do we part), remember It could have been yours instead of his.
Hi Kake, I like this poem. It has good rhyme through most of it . I feel it is a little clumsy at the end. It is a very nice nostalgic idea, and expressed well. I can't come up with a way, to may the clumsiness go away. So I guess it will have to stay, I'm sure you were happy with it anyway. Keep up the writing, your doing great. Always remember it was only one opinion of of many.
A imaginative story, reads well. The edge of the world sounds like it could be metaphorically speaking, Like thinking a suicide. Some don't listen, and fall. However, there is some one there who will listen, and talk to you as much as needed. There just to keep you from going over the edge.
Okay, so what's your point. A short lesson in physics, always welcome. It could be better if you used (drives the ). Good job making it short to the point. Haiku is alive.
Yes you will be a star one day. You have come to the right place. There will be many people here to help you, yes even though writers block. Welcome! You sound like a very interesting person, and reality may give you something to write about. Looking forward to your new writings.
Very good writing, with good rhythm. The words of someone who has been shown love again. I think you did a wonderful job writing your feelings. I appreciate that you wrote this, and I'm glad I read it. Keep up the great writing. I can see nothing that needs to be changed.
Excellent story. Very well written, with thoughts that were amazing. You put together such a great piece here. It showed how beautiful like is, and what a horror abortion can be for the child coming into the world. I never thought about it in this prospective, and thank you for writing and showing it to all of us.
Great Story, I like the symbolism of it. How dreams can empower some one to seek help. Others are just seeking the dream. When the two meet , who knows what can happen. Destiny, fate, or just a bad dream.
What a great story, I just love it. I can relate to this story. I find comfort with the trees of life. The forests are a magical place, and will listen to your deepest thoughts. Very good writing, awesome job.
Good story, very scary, with a little bit of creepiness. That's what you who expect from a good ghost story. I guess you shouldn't play with the spirit world, most that are here are trapped here. Great writing, keep on writing!
Imaginative. Well written story. I like the fact that the character in the story, came to the rescue of others. Even more so because of being tormented spirits. Which scare even a priest ( a holy man?). The character is a strong person who got through her own problems, and had a heart , and belief big enough to still help others.
Wow! Great writing! The story is excellent. It's so full of insight, and is the truth. You are a very enlightened individual. Thank you for writing this! :)
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/rickyj/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.27 seconds at 6:19am on May 01, 2024 via server web2.
| (4.5)
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
