iKïyå§ama's (satet) Reviews

Create New Item

Read & Review

Community

Browse By Type

Browse By Genre

Writing Resources

Tuesday, May. 7, 2024

2:20pm EDT

Members: 946

Guests: 920

Total Online: 1,866

SPONSORED ITEMS

The Writer's Cramp

Write the best story or poem in 24 hours or less and win 10K GPs!

Central International Airport

An airport with destinations and new beginnings. Take a trip.

The Writer's Cramp

Write the best story or poem in 24 hours or less and win 10K GPs!

Example Quiz: Writing.Com History Trivia

An example quiz about Writing.Com that uses Correct Scoring.

READ A NEWBIE

Searing Silence

A poem about hating the feeling of anger & wishing you could rid yourself of it forever

Tingling Thoughts

The words are like a lifetime imagination

The Smallest Things

Great beauty is created from the smallest touch.

Promise and Hope

A poem about how I feel this world has become.

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Minfold's Mechanical Menagerie

Thadeus Grimshaw finds more than was on his shopping list. 1st in StAG Firebox, Jan 2024.

Milly and Jr Burger

An introduction to Milly while babysitting the Jr Burger.

Welcome Home

Welcoming my inner child home

Fife Comes to Life

Would Sheriff Taylor ever trust his deputy with a SINGLE round of ammunition? WAC Mar. '24

Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/satet/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5

iKïyå§ama

Review Requests: ON

2,130 Public Reviews Given

4,295 Total Reviews Given

Public Reviews

Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next

101

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4352103

Review of In Their Names

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hallo Kenzie

I will be reviewing your work "In Their Names"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

An article that encourages us to celebrate the men and women in uniform no matter where they are.

Pluses:

War is a touchy subject for anyone.

There are many who will argue that there's no need for such a thing, hence if there were no wars, there would be no need to send our men and women to these places to fight and lose their lives for nothing. Like you mention at the top of your article, it's what we're force-fed in the media (though I will say that there are efforts to recognize and celebrate them rather the other way around, lately).

This brings me to the article itself and what this small community has decided to do to change the narrative. Instead of focusing on the dangers of war, why not do something positive instead? Why not match up a member of the community to a military service man or woman and do a good deed in his or her honor? Not only is this a great way to celebrate their bravery, but it's a wonderful way to promote community spirit! So kudos to your hometown and their initiative. I hope this does spread nationwide and more people get involved.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

No glaring error noted while reading.

Thanks for sharing such an uplifting article (as well as providing more information on how to get in contact with the newspaper). Keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

102

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4352087

Review of Romantic Rejection

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hallo THANKFUL SONALI Now What?

I will be reviewing your work "Romantic Rejection"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A survey that revolves around romantic rejections and its effects on the person.

Pluses:

Hmmm...well these are some rather interesting questions you've got here for your newsletter, and I'm sure it's bound to have the reader thinking over this carefully before answering them.

The first question deals with the question I'm sure so many people have asked themselves over the years "Why does romantic rejection hurt?" I know this isn't the right place to answer it, but I'm sure many will go 'well..duh...it hurts because you've given a part of yourself to someone else and that - in and of itself - is not an easy thing for some to do. When that trust is trampled upon, you feel as if you've been violated in the most personal way possible. That part of you is shattered and you sometimes never recover."

I could go on with this - and answering your other questions that deal with comparing romantic rejection to professional rejection (are they the same? - short answer...nope!) Some folks get over the professional rejection much quicker than a romantic one I think.

But I'll stop here now

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

Hmmm...nothing stood out to me per se, but then again, these are just questions that one has to answer in the survey. Good thing you made a lot of room for participants to just vent.

Now I'm curious to see the newsletter this was featured in! I wonder what kind of answers you received. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!

103

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4352070

Review of VALENTINES GRAMS!

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hallo ♥Pay It Forward♥

I will be reviewing your work "VALENTINES GRAMS!"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A fun c-note shop that's geared toward the most romantic time of the year!

Pluses:

What an adorable set of images you've got here!

The c-note shop's purpose is simple and straightforward. It's a shop specifically designed to send out c-notes to members during Valentine's day. The welcoming banner of a simple envelope with a card sticking out of it, is a welcoming sight to the visitor/customer.

And if I'm not mistaken, all proceeds from purchases do go for a good cause, so double yay! for doing good for the community and sending smiles to someone!

The images were hand-drawn you say? Whoa. That is really good! I'm envious and wish I had those skills. From the first images of teddy bears pulling a wagon full of hearts, to a bear holding onto a pink heart, a red rose, flowers and chocolate with a candle, two cute birds snuggling together and a vase of roses, these are all colorful and eye-catching. Each image has a simple greeting/text to celebrate the holiday.

The cost is quite affordable as well. Just 750 gps and it appears you can only send it to at least three people at one time. Not a bad deal!

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

No errors of note - though I would recommend providing a link to your 'thank-you' forum in case anyone wants to do that afterwards.

Overall, a lovely shop with the warmest of intentions. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!

104

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4350578

Review of A Gift at the Door

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hallo Winnie Kay

I will be reviewing your work "A Gift at the Door"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

Thanks to a most unlikely daily visitor, a once reclusive woman makes a friendship of a lifetime.

Pluses:

Awww, what a sweet story!

And I'm assuming the photo in your cover is you and Ms. Jean Butts?? How awesome is that???

I love your smooth story-telling style. It's easy to see each scene with your words and you allow the reader to drift into your tale effortlessly. We feel your weariness, we relate to your decision to remain in solitude, and your description of Jean is excellent.

I enjoyed the dialogue as well. It gave us a little more insight into each character's personalities and even the little doggies were represented well! If it doesn't make you want to run out and go adopt some puppies right now, I don't know what does.

It also warms the heart that your friendship has continued until this day! That is wonderful!

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>Nothing really noted while reading, or maybe I was just so engrossed in this I missed a thing or two

Again, a lovely story about the power of friendship! You never know where it's going to come from and it had to take that random stray dog to produce something this lovely. Thanks for sharing your story with us and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

105

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4350562

Review of The WDC Celebrity Authors Autograph

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hallo Samberine Everose

I will be reviewing your work "The WDC Celebrity Authors Autograph"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A page set up to celebrate some of the more active members of Writing.com via short interviews.

Pluses:

This is a branch off your activity where folks have to nominate their 'celebrities' of writing.com. In this case, you've got personal interviews done with each featured writer, which is a great idea!

It not only allows the reader to get to know more about each person behind the stories/poems, but we get to see why they are held in such esteem. You set up examples of their works and why they deserved the recognition.

You have quite a wonderful list of authors featured so far, and I can't disagree with their accolades. I've had the pleasure of visiting their ports as well, and give them two thumbs up as well!

The page layout is very nicely done - colorful and inviting, and you again, state the rules for the criteria of being a part of this list.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>I already mentioned one of my issues with this in my previous emails, so I won't repeat it again.

>>Second thing to keep in mind; you might want to try using the drop down ML tag if this list gets any longer. It will help to keep the forum neat and organized so one isn't feeling too overwhelmed with a really looooooooooooooooong page at first glance. Does that make sense? All they have to do is click on the name and the drop down menu appears, and then they can read the great interviews for each writer. Just something to think about in the future.

Another fun forum and a pleasure to read through! Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

106

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4350400

Review of The Light

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hallo S Ferguson~ Prepping for Prep

I will be reviewing your work "The Light"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

The writer narrates an experience that could possibly mean a brush with death and the afterlife.

Pluses:

I wonder if this story was what sparked your decision to create the Dream group - where folks get to talk about their dreams and what it means (which is a good idea by the way).

Everyone has wondered what life would be like in the after life, and with your experience, it feels as if your dream was an opening into that mystical journey many are yet to take.

I wonder if you believe in the concept of Heaven and Hell? If so, do you think everyone really goes straight to 'the light' and finds peace once they leave this earth? Just curious about your thoughts on that.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>A clarification of sorts needed please. In the beginning of the story, you say it's your great-great grandmother that's lived there for many years, but then it switches to just your grandmother in the latter part of the story. Is that correct or was that just a typo?

>>I don't remember the year (,) but the Harry Potter books were popular

>>I was asleep in my bed, my room across the hall from my grandmother's.
Change comma to a semi-colon

>>I wasn't worried though, I was at a peace that you can't experience
Change comma to a period

>>It was a just a dream

This was an interesting read, and one that's likely to have the reader pondering about a few things long after the last line has been read. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

107

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4350390

Review of My name is Nate

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hallo S Ferguson~ Prepping for Prep

I will be reviewing your work "My name is Nate"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

Nate - possibly a figment of one's imagination - contemplates the true meaning of his existence and why 'he is' in the grand scheme of things.

Pluses:

I'm assuming - and please correct me if I'm wrong - that this is the POV of a pencil? Or is it just one's Muse?

The interesting thing about this story is the way you're able to present the jumbled (almost chaotic) thoughts one associates with a writer/artist struggling to create something. It corresponds with Nate's confusion and bewilderment (and the section where the creator gets upset and 'erases' things) was very well done. The other little things like 'the rectangle world' representing paper was a nice touch.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>With that said, this was also somewhat difficult to understand. Maybe it's with the chaotic thoughts I was talking about, but I'm still trying to figure out if we're hearing things from the POV of an instrument (a pencil say?) or an actual imaginary Muse stuck in the creator's head. The way I see it, it could go one way or the other.

>>home and play with Fred and some times see my neighbor.
Should be one word 'sometimes'

>>come back so I can live with out fear.
Should be one word 'without'

Overall, this was an interesting little piece, but one that might need some explanation to my fuzzy brain this morning *lol* Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

108

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4349655

Review of When Bobby Met Ken

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hallo Christopher Roy Denton

I will be reviewing your work "When Bobby Met Ken"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

Bobby goes for a night-out on the town, and in his quest to get a date, he manages to snag the most unlikely of prospects.

Pluses:

*shakes fists* Why I oughtta!! Dang those good-looking creatures of the night!

Actually, this was kinda funny!

Especially poor Bobby who now realizes he's been nothing more than a plaything for a really bored date. Oy.

I enjoyed the dialogue (you really write good ones!) that helped to move the plot, and it was easy to distinguish each character's personality. Some lines made me laugh out loud, including Bobby's declaration of surrender. Hah! That was classic!

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>Usually, he'd be a nervous wreck approaching such a stud. But the mischievous
Wouldn't start off that sentence with a 'but'. Change the period to a comma. It helps to improve the flow of the sentence.

>>If Bobby had had to describe the man's expression,
Not that it's incorrect, but only one 'had' works just as well.

>>He'd been in the army (,) but said it was a long time ago and didn't

This was a fun little story to read! Thanks so very much for sharing and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

109

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4349623

Review of Thomas Jefferson's Legacy

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hallo Christopher Roy Denton

I will be reviewing your work "Thomas Jefferson's Legacy"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

Now an older statesman, Thomas Jefferson is confronted with a difficult choice he must make at the urging of the woman he loves.

Pluses:

Well, thanks! You made me go look up the Jefferson-Hemings relationship again (and wasn't there some documentary that took place a while ago about his descendants from this relationship or something of the sort? Fascinating documentary).

Still, I enjoyed this little fiction about Sally urging Jefferson to free his own children. Urgh...sorry, but a part of me has to roll the eyes and swallow back my disgust at the very thought of this. However, one has to remember that this was the way things were back then; though Jefferson ought not to even be of second thoughts about it.

You did a good job with the dialogue between the characters. The dialogue not only helps to move the plot along (exposing the dynamic between the two main characters), but also gives one an idea of their personalities. Sally comes across as intelligent and brave; determined to do what's right by her children from a relationship she didn't even choose. Jefferson, for his part, comes across as slightly indecisive and weak - I must say - with his reluctance to give in to her quest. His excuses sound typical, and only drives home the point of how human life...no, the African-American's life back then was seen as nothing more than property. That was their only value.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

I was going to comment on the single quotation mark, but then I remembered that it's the British way of doing things (or rather non-American way) of writing dialogue. Other than that, there was no other glaring error.

An enjoyable read all around. Thanks so very much for sharing and keep on writing!
Happy Writing.com Anniversary!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

110

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4347273

Review of Osteoporosis

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hallo Analapine

I will be reviewing your work "Osteoporosis"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A woman describes her life with osteoporosis.

Pluses:

This was quite informative, and I'm sure for those who only have a passing understanding of the disease, this brief introduction might give them a good idea of what it's all about. You are clearly in control of your diagnosis, and it seems like even though you're in the early stages, you're still doing your best to continue your daily activities and things you enjoy!

You describe the causes of the disease as well as how it can be treated including the specific kind of medications available. And I'll bet they are expensive too! You also discuss the side effects of the medications; though you mention an injection (but do not mention the name of it) that is much better than the pills.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>One of my greatest fears is falling, and breaking a hip.
delete the comma

>>cure for osteoporosis; however, it can be stopped or slowed.
I would change the semi-colon to a period and start off 'however' in a new sentence.

>>Did you make use of existing articles/websites/books to write essay? You might want to consider adding reference links at the end of this.

Thanks again for sharing this informative essay! Keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

111

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4347254

Review of Befriended by Angels

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hallo Dawsongirl

I will be reviewing your work "Befriended by Angels"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A young mother is suddenly diagnosed with an illness that could keep her from raising her kids.

Pluses:

I like the quote at the top of the story. Such a good one by Twain!

Short and straight to the heart of the matter, this story tells of how you were suddenly faced with such a terrible condition and the worrisome thoughts that go through your mind as you try to come to terms with it.

One of my favorite lines in this was:

The next day at lunchtime three beautiful, raven-haired young women breezed into my room like a flock of exotic birds.

Such imagery there! And I do have to wonder who the women were. Just volunteers? And why is that place filled with Greeks? I actually had to go back to make sure you weren't actually in Greece

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>I guess it's just me being curious, but why were you miles from home in the first place? Or were you just taken to that hospital because it was the only place that could deal with your ailment?

>>Also the ending was a bit abrupt, and from your title/summary it does appear this is only meant to showcase the kindness of those who took care of you, but there's still some sort of closure needed. I guess one would like to know what happened to you afterwards.

Overall, this was an enjoyable piece; too short though! So we're going to need an expansion of sorts.

Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

112

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4347219

Review of I'm so tired of blood

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hallo Rhyssa

I will be reviewing your work "I'm so tired of blood"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A poem that deals with the pitfalls of living with diabetes.

Pluses:

Honestly, Diabetes really is a terrible disease; and your poem makes that so very clear with what you have to go through each and every day.

I can't imagine how tiring it must be to have to keep monitoring your glucose levels; having to make sure you eat at certain times and certain meals and wondering when it's likely to drop and if you have enough insulin or some sugary snack waiting in the wings in case of a crash or a peak. It's exhausting, and that emotion is transmitted well with your words and powerful imagery.

Your descriptions of how much pain you experience, of how even doing the littlest of things can cause you to bleed out or how you have to rely on an insulin pump in the most public of places or giving yourself insulin shots with syringes constantly (and how that wrecks havoc on your skin) is something I hope every reader understands. Diabetes is not just an abstract. It's something so many people have to live with daily, which is why it's so difficult to control considering what kind of a sugar-loaded society we find ourselves in.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

None noted at this time

Thanks for sharing your personal journey with us, and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

113

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4347166

Review of The Reluctant Patient

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hallo Winnie Kay

I will be reviewing your work "The Reluctant Patient"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A woman tries, her hardest, to get her reluctant husband some much needed medical attention.

Pluses:

Excuse me while I

myself to near death at this story!

Here I thought he was going in for smoking cessation, buuuuuuuuut it's for something else entirely. Genius!
(guess the whole 'smell' thing should have given it away, but then again...)

The great thing about the story is the use of dialogue. It helps drive each sequence; by not only showing us what takes place, but the characters and their distinct personalities. From the way they speak, we can already picture what kind of a man Jim is (the man's man and all that - he who doesn't need no stinkin' advice from anyone) and the exasperated but loving wife, Marie. God bless her and how she puts up with him and his issues (aaaall the issues!)

The reaction of the woman in the elevator was also priceless, and even Marie's reaction is almost comical. She's probably so used to the stench, she can't understand why the lady is overreacting. Either way, this visit is going to prove to be quite interesting.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

Nothing of note at this time.

Great job with this short piece Winnie! Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

114

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4347082

Review of A DIET OF NEGLECT

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hallo Dr M C Gupta

I will be reviewing your work "A DIET OF NEGLECT"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A poem that deals with the effects of diet on our health; its importance and why it must have more focus in our lives.

Pluses:

I'm sure you're aware of this, but the word 'diet' seems to trigger a sense of discomfort, constriction, restraint, and overall sense of doom-and-gloom. It's why folks tend to go with the easier sounding 'lifestyle change' these days. It's palatable and doesn't really make one seem like they have to do anything really drastic (even if it's needed for health reasons).

Your poem seems to drum that notion into the reader from the very first stanza. Pretty much, unless proven otherwise, the main reason you (and so many others get sick) is based purely on what you shove into your mouth. I can attest to that.

The second stanza showcases the kind of ailments poor eating habits cause, while the third focuses on statistics to back up the claims. I thought the fourth stanza was actually interesting. Yes, we tend to focus on trying to feed the poor, but there's no 'public awareness' on trying to reduce the eating epidemic for countries were obesity runs rampant (I'm looking at you United States!). The last stanza rounds it all up with a need for us to be more aware of what we eat and to take better care of ourselves.

It really does make a difference!

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>As also diabetes,
>>Overweight, blood pressure.
I was going to suggest using the word 'obesity' here, but then I noticed it was used in a latter stanza and it might sound redundant. Still the use of 'overweight' doesn't quite flow as easily when reading it aloud. Perhaps 'weight gain' might work better?

An interesting poem all around, and thanks for sharing it! Keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

115

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4347061

Review of QUEST FOR IMMORTALITY: award winner

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hallo Dr M C Gupta

I will be reviewing your work "QUEST FOR IMMORTALITY: award winner"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

What will the future become when Man goes beyond wanting to live forever? How can that be achieved? This poem attempts to address that.

Pluses:

I have to say, this piece gave me chills - and not the good kind.

It was written to make you think, and I like that.

Today we find ourselves struggling to find ways to cure all diseases or extend the lifespan of the human body, but according to your poem, it's likely that in the future; there will come a time when even bodies will not be needed.

With technological advances, the poet wonders just how far IT specialists will go to achieve that ultimate level of immortality.

The stanza:

What is man, but his conscience,
Along with the conscious,
Plus the subconscious matter
That makes up human mind?

- seems to give scientists the excuse to create these 'chips' that will eventually replace man. A chilling thought indeed. Who needs the physical hindrance, when we can rely on just the mind...and then rely on robotic vessels?? Something to consider.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>Within (the) next hundred years that
second stanza

>>Implanted in such (a) way
fourth stanza

>>Invalid link still showing up at the end of the poem (and all the others I've reviewed actually)

Thanks again for sharing your work with us, and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

116

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4347050

Review of A MEDICAL DATE: award winner

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hallo Dr M C Gupta

I will be reviewing your work "A MEDICAL DATE: award winner"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A first date is anything but romantic for a young man and his date, who's got a troubling ailment that just might require medical attention!

Pluses:

Well, this was hilarious!

Though one has to feel for the date. I mean, all she wants to have is a good time with no sugar involved, and then that darn hypoglycemia decides to show up. *shakes fists*

The poem kicks off with the narrator recalling how 'bizarre' of an experience it all was, especially when he realizes that the appearance of his date is actually not what he expected at all! That aside, when it came to ordering the meal, he soon realizes quickly, that all is not as it appears to be. Looks like his companion's been hiding something from him, until she begins revealing what it is with the basic symptoms of having low blood sugar. Yikes!

The final act is the last straw, and it's one that requires our brave poet to dive into action despite him hoping he would have tossed that particular hat to the side on this night.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>Teenager in (a) love maze.
second stanza

Thanks for sharing this fun piece with us, and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

117

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4347037

Review of DOCTORS, PATIENTS AND LAWYERS

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hallo Dr M C Gupta

I will be reviewing your work "DOCTORS, PATIENTS AND LAWYERS"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A poem that talks about the perils of being in the medical field - especially for doctors who seem to be the target of those willing to put all blame for anything that goes wrong.

Pluses:

Speaking on behalf of nurses, we get the same 'heat' on us too! So trust me, I feel your pain with this poem (and it's interesting you say you're now a lawyer? Representing doctors? What made you decide to switch??)

That aside, this is a poem that begins with the basic principle of Life being fickle. You can be here today and gone tomorrow; sometimes for no reason (medically at least) whatsoever! However, with the way society's been wired, when folks get sick and are sent to the doctor for a cure, many expect them to perform miracles even if it's beyond their capabilities. The poet emphasizes that these men and women are not angels from Heaven, and should not always be expected to find the answers to all the problems out there. They simply do the best they can based on the knowledge they have. If all they've tried has failed, then who are we to cast the blame, or worse, try to make money off a most difficult situation?

There is a lot of burden placed on the shoulders of healthcare professionals; and there have been many nights (or days in my case) I get home and wonder if I did this one thing right or missed that one thing that could possibly cost me a patient's life. Worse when you think of all the legal repercussions just waiting for you from families who might not be as understanding. It's a tricky, slippery slope we find ourselves in, and one wonders why the entire medical system is as messed up as it is.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

Nothing really of note, except for the last stanza which had me a little confused:

They are aided in this task
By the greedy lawyers.
Into defendants are turned
The patients’ defenders!

Maybe you can explain that to me; the last two lines at least. I get the part about greedy lawyers that's for sure!

Overall, a very thoughtful and interesting poem. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

118

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4347028

Review of Resignation Letter from ACS

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hallo catwoman

I will be reviewing your work "Resignation Letter from ACS"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A disgruntled member of the American Cancer Society voices her displeasure over the antics of the organization.

Pluses:

Wow. Now this makes me want to know exactly what Issac's crime was to warrant such action from an organization that's supposedly seen in such high regard.

This was written in 2002; so I wonder if your opinion of them have changed by now. Have they made up for their blunder? (if you can call it a blunder) Either way, this letter cuts straight to the point; leaving the reader no doubt as to your feelings on the matter.

Issac was clearly a well-loved and important member of his community especially when it came to activities involving the ACS. He helped spread the organization's good deeds, helped raise funds, and did all he could to be a part of such a group. However, it appears he did something - considered trivial to many - that caused him to be removed with no real explanation. That, in any situation, is not a good feeling.

And if I were in your position, I'd feel just as upset.

My hope is that, by this time, all the issues have been resolved. ACS still means a lot to so many people, and it's a shame that such a thing would cause many to consider their goals and accomplishments tarnished.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

Nothing of note at this time.

Thanks for sharing your opinion with this poignant letter, and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

119

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4346960

Review of HEALTHY DIET: a sonnet--Award Winner

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hallo Dr M C Gupta

I will be reviewing your work "HEALTHY DIET: a sonnet--Award Winner"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A poem that deals with the need for a healthy diet and especially why it's necessary

Pluses:

Aaaah, sugar! Gotta love it.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where sugar (the refined kind) is prevalent in just about everything you eat. Unless you completely go the route of fresh foods daily, you might find yourself starving if you choose to go on a sugar-free diet! I've had to learn that the hard way. Trust me.

Your poem - in almost lighthearted fashion, points out the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle without drumming it into the reader's skull like a nagging housewife. You manage to point out the cons of not losing weight, while reminding us the real reason for why eating healthy is most important. Re: the last stanza of your poem.

Like I mentioned earlier, this stanza really screamed out to me:

Cut down all food that is but intruder
In nature’s scheme, tasty superlatives.
In one fell sweep this will cut all sugar
And fat and all synthetic additives.

Because thanks to a wonderful fellow Writing.com member here, I was forced to come to terms with my addiction to sugar and all those other synthetic additives. Since I stopped taking them two + months ago, my life has changed drastically and everyone has noticed! I feel TEN times better than I used to and, of course, the weight is dropping! Amazing how just taking away sugar does that to the body.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>Nothing of note; except for the link to the contest you participated in is now invalid.

Thanks for sharing this informative and fun poem with us. Keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

120

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4346927

Review of Medical Treatment Is A Pain In The...

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hallo SandraLynn Team Florent!

I will be reviewing your work "Medical Treatment Is A Pain In The..."

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A woman goes to the hospital for - what appears to be an easy enough problem to diagnose - but has to put up with all the shenanigans that take place in there.

Pluses:

Sorry, I had to

after reading this because sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many of us can relate to Dorothy (see? I almost typed in 'Dolores'!

) and considering I work in the field, I've seen more than my share of patients who look at us like we've lost our minds.

It's not easy to inject humor into a situation that could be seen as painful/torturous - at least for poor Dorothy - but you did a great job capturing that feeling with your choice of dialogue and language throughout the piece. You are able to get a feel of each character's personality.

The last few paragraphs were the best, especially with the doctor's final 'patronizing' diagnosis. I can literally hear every reader going 'WELL DUH!' That was obvious from the moment she walked into the room, and you made her do all that work for nothing! Oy!

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>The format/layout of the story could use a little work. Try putting in a single space between paragraphs so it's not all bunched up as it is.

>>she noted the garment's shabbiness, and generous size.
>>She pointed to her injured ankle, and grimaced.
>>he nurse helped Dorothy to her feet, and pointed her in the direction
>>Each movement stabbed, and stung.
Delete comma in those sentences.

>>"Dorothy? Hi, I'm Dr. Myles.(") He studied a clipboard

Overall, this was a great read! Thanks for putting a smile on my face this morning. Keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

121

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4346909

Review of The Effects of Hypothyroidism:

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hallo pixybrat

I will be reviewing your work "The Effects of Hypothyroidism:"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

This is an article that deals with the disease - Hypothyroidism - and its effects on the human body.

Pluses:

This was very informative and eye-opening; especially for those who might not be aware of what the disease is all about. You do a good job explaining what causes it, who is more likely to experience it (women in this case), symptoms, the adverse effects it causes to the individual and ways it can be treated.

I thought it was interesting that you mentioned Napoleon Bonaparte having the same issue. Who knew?! The added touch of a historical figure was a good way to keep the reader's attention as articles like these can tend to get boring pretty fast if you simply stick with statistics.

Speaking of which, I'm glad there wasn't too much of medical mumbo-jumbo (and by that I mean very long and complicated technical terms). Those will definitely turn the reader off and leave them wanting to move on to the next thing. You used language that can attract the layman and leave them wanting to know more about the disease.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>Hypothyroidism not only effects’(affects) a person physically,
'Effects' vs. 'Affects' seems to be a common error. However, both have different meanings in context to the way it's used in the article.
See Affect-vs-Effect

>>...have the disease, because they get it during their pregnancy, because of the imbalance of hormones...
Repitition. It makes for a cumbersome read. Try using another phrase there.

Thanks for sharing this information with us! It's most useful especially to us females. Keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

122

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4346068

Review of Writing For G.O.T

for entry "Redemption"

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

Hallo Joy

I will be reviewing your work "Writing For G.O.T"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A mother and daughter - once at odds with each other - come to realize how much they mean to each other when they find themselves stranded on an island.

Pluses:

I'll actually be reviewing your story "Redemption" which is a part of this wonderful folder of excellent reads!

This is a story driven mostly by dialogue; not just between the characters, but an internal dialogue between the narrator's old self and the new person she's hoping to become. The reader is able to discern her conflict and the plot expounds on the once complicated relationship she had with her daughter.

Isn't it amazing how people tend to come together when they are stripped away of all the 'conveniences' of modern society? When there's no 'outside noise' to distract them, they come to realize just how much they really needed each other in their lives, and your narrator's story paints that need quite well.

You put a lot of emotion into the story, and the last few lines almost makes me wish they remain on the island for a while longer. The mother's fears that things might return to the way they used to be might come to fruition. Either way, one hopes that the choices she's made will continue even after rescue.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

Just a couple of punctuation errors; nothing too glaring at this time.

This was a wonderful read and I thank you for sharing! Keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

123

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4346054

Review of Game of Thrones Workbook

for entry "Writing Challenge #1: A deserted island"

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hallo Jeff

I will be reviewing your work "Game of Thrones Workbook"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A couple (or not) find themselves stranded on a deserted island. Both realize that despite their differences, they'll have to make the best of the situation.

Pluses:

This is actually a review for your Writing Challenge #1 and not the entire folder, but here's to many more fantastic writings to fill this soon.

Hah! Not exactly the way you'd want to be stuck on an island with anyone, let alone someone you don't really like. Brr!

Still it's a miracle those two managed to work things out - for survival - instead of spending the time arguing over the most mundane of things.

Short stories like these work best with excellent dialogue and you achieved that well. We get a feeling of both character's personalities especially with the female's first uttered words. The reader already gets an idea of just what kind of a relationship they must have had. Also the dialogue helped to move the plot along at a steady pace without feeling too rushed or cumbersome.

However, must say the ending gave me a sense of foreboding...not sure why. I mean I want to keep all hopes up, but hey! maybe I'm just a doom-and-gloom kinda gal.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>After (we) dragged ourselves through the surf,
OR After dragging ourselves through the surf...

>>that we’d crashed landed somewhere in the span
It is 'crash-landed' isn't it? I had to run that over and over in my head for a bit.

Overall, this was a fun read! Thanks so very much for sharing and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

124

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4345998

Review of In the Wind

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hallo StephBee - GOT Survivor

I will be reviewing your work "In the Wind"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

A couple says their farewells where an uncertain future lays ahead.

Pluses:

It's almost always difficult to review poetry for me, but when I come across something poignant, it makes things a little easier.

With the prompt given for the contest, I do believe you've been able to capture those feelings of sadness quite well. The stanzas have a sing-song vibe to them; a melancholy captured with your choice of words. The juxtaposition of softness (the fluttering of the scarf) in relation to the hardness (the steel beast - nice description of a train by the way) paints a scene that is vivid in the reader's mind.

The last stanza wraps it up nicely; where we get to see that this is a farewell between lovers in a most difficult time. As he gets on the train, there's no guarantee they will ever see each other again; and that theme is driven home with the last line of "Her scarf flies away in the wind".

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

Nothing of note stood out to me; but then again, I'm not an expert in the genre, so forgive me if I don't go all iambic pentameter crazy on you!

Thanks so very much for sharing this lovely piece with us, and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

125

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4345302

Review of Winged friends

Review by iKïyå§ama

In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hallo Mina~

I will be reviewing your work "Winged friends"

on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"

Content:

Watching the antics of two caged birds teaches the narrator a new lesson about life in a most unexpected way.

Pluses:

What a fascinating and, somewhat, sad story. The quote at the end of it is also something that's prone to have the reader thinking. One is always encouraged to spread their wings and fly - to push themselves beyond their limits - to achieve their dreams. However, this story seems to paint the opposite picture. One can come away assuming that, sometimes, it's not always a good idea to go flying off into the unknown. Happiness can be found even in the most familiar of places.

It was a touching story, where the reader gets to fall in love with this creatures and feel for the one who survived. We almost feel like cheering and rooting for her to take flight despite her sadness, but when we learn of the real reason for her decision not to take the bait, it leaves one with feelings of empathy.

Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best.

>>trying to open the cage and manage(d) to break free.

>>Despite peep(ing) her head out, the bird remained

Overall, this was a delightful read! Thanks so very much for sharing and keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/satet/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5