StephBee's (sgcardin) Reviews

StephBee

Review Requests: ON

3,978 Public Reviews Given

4,192 Total Reviews Given

276

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4600827

Review of Cupid Plucks

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (2.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2021. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2021! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Cupid's arrow clearly wasn't tipped in St. Valentine's elixir because Beau can't get nowhere with Rose.

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: BAD. Cupid plucks in vain.

I liked the story of Beau and Rose. This just wasn't their Valentine's Day.

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with 8 two line stanzas. The lines in each stanza rhythm.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

While intentionally bad things happen to Beau, Cupid's slam (he plucks in vain) seems to come off a bit easy.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2021 Contest. Line count was not listed in accordance with the contest rules.

277

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14 days may be credited.

#4600825

Review of A letter to Cupid

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (1.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2021. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2021! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Who needs Cupid when you have Tinder?

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: UGLY. I especially liked: "So put on some clothes, don't flash your ass, go on a diet, at least show some class."

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with 2 stanzas and each line in the stanzas rythming.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Well done intentionally ugly Cupid's slam.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2021 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

278

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14 days may be credited.

#4600823

Review of Cupid's Dissatisfied Customer

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 18+

| (1.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2021. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!

Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!

Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.

This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2021! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.

Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

THE POEM

Cupid gets chewed out for his choice in "love interests."

WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: BAD. Cupid missed and gets cussed out but we only hear his side of the conversation.

I liked the line: "The only thing you'll get is brown bows and rose rust."

STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem that has a AABB rythme scheme.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

While intentionally bad, Cupid's slam seems a bit tame to me.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2021 Contest. Line count was not listed in accordance with the contest rules.

279

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14 days may be credited.

#4595986

Review of The Cold Lands of Ifria

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Princess Griselda desires to find her brother despite her world's cold challenges and evil wizards.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the opening. I thought it was very engaging.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited in Griselda's point of view. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good job with dialogue tags.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might tap into the five senses, especially smell and touch to heighten the descriptions of Griselda's world.

SETTING

TIME: unknown
PLACE: cold, rural setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader. Time really isn't essential to the broader context of the story.

CHARACTERS

Griscelda

There's enough here to understand her motivations, she stays true to wanting to find her brother.

I thought the brother changed his motivations too quick at the end and it didn't feel natural to him, so I would on his character being a tad more consistent.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. You use exclaimation points a lot which makes the story feel a little melodramaic.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. Good imagination to create Griselda's fantasy world. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

280

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14 days may be credited.

#4595985

Review of A Place to Hide

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

A child is looking for a kind face after escaping horror.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. It offered hope in the face of a tough situtation.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. I might suggest a line break between the 4th and 5th paragraphs when the character POV shifts.

DIALOGUE

There's one line of dialogue which accents the narration. I might suggest using quotes=" and not ' for the dialogue.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: side of the road

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Josie

There's enough here to understand her motivations; she's looking for a safe haven.

MECHANICS

I might suggest a minor edit for spelling and punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A creative take on the picture prompt. A suspenseful vignette. Good luck in the contest.

281

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14 days may be credited.

#4595973

Review of Beauty in the bleakness...

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

Finding beauty in the life of a snowflake, which is short lived.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the poem inspired hope, especially in the opening stanza. It really drew me in.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There were some stragetic rhymes, but no set patterns.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

I thought they were succient and to the point. I especially liked "weary dream."

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Nice expression. The title fits the poem well. I have no suggestions for improvement. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph

282

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14 days may be credited.

#4595793

Review of Final Thoughts of Human Discontent

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

A thought provoking poem about loss.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the poem grew naturally shorter and shorter until the ending. It added to the meaning to the poem; as life got shorter and shorter.

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There is no rhythming pattern.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

subtle yet effective. Examples:
Green grass is gone to stay
Memories hang in icy air.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I thought the title encouraged the reader to mull on the meaning. Expressive. I have no suggestions for improvement. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph

283

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14 days may be credited.

#4595738

Review of Winter Impact

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE POEM

The poem describes a winter scene in all it's cold beauty.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the words used to describe the outside:
gnarled trunks
willowy branches
pale, dull, lazy, reluctant mid-day sun

STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There is no rhythming pattern.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's a lot of nice, succinct word play. See above for descriptions. I think the poem paints a vibrant, chily, picture that puts reader nose-to-nose with the window.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I thought the title matched the poem. Very expressive. I have no suggestions for improvement. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall

Glowing Steph

284

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4589316

Review of An Unusual Letter

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE LETTER

A poignant look at how COVID has turned the letter writer and a nation around in it's response.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the conversational nature of the letter. It describes life and how one has readjusted to COVID and it's restrictions.

TONE

Nervously serious. There's a lot going on, a lot of uncertainity and the tone of the letter does a nice hinting at that.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. If anything I might suggest a bit more paragraph spacing to make it easy on the eyes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The letter touches on good and bad. It rambles a bit, but contains a lot of heartfelt emotion. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

285

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14 days may be credited.

#4589312

Review of A Ghostly Mistake

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

A couple of people who love horror stories get their dolls crossed up in the mail.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the characters. They were interesting and quirky.

DIALOGUE

There's a nice blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the narration.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

286

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4589309

Review of A letter to COVID-19

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE LETTER

A heartbreaking look at watch COVID did to 2020.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the author communicated in a way to really touch people. A lot of people had similiar struggles and can totally identify with the struggles and challenges.

TONE

Poignant. The author tells a personal story how COVID forced changes we all can identify with.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The letter is honest, full of emotion and to the point. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

287

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14 days may be credited.

#4589303

Review of My 2020

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE LETTER

A nice overview of how 2020 started out and how the writer adjusted to the ups and downs of a bumpy year.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the letter chronicled the year and broke down what happened month by month.

TONE

Matter-of-fact. The letter is easy to read and understand.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The letter is conversational and draws the reader in. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

288

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14 days may be credited.

#4589299

Review of 2020: The Good, The Bad, and The Weird

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE LETTER

A heartfelt letter to 2020 including the good, the bad, and ugly, ah, weird.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the conversational nature of the letter. I liked how the letter poked fun, yet made a point. For example: "Chocolate, on he other hand, can be used to bribe the zombies."

TONE

Lighthearted. I liked how the body of the letter touched on all points, the good, the bad, and weird of 2020.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. The letter is succinct and to the point. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

289

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14 days may be credited.

#4585168

Review of I Once Did Enjoy Making Merry

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

THE LIMERICK

A poor turkey doesn't realize he's not a guest at Thanksgiving, he's the meal!

WHAT I LIKED

This poor turkey was clueless! Good job making a poem from limerick stanzas.

STRUCTURE

A limerick is a humorous, frequently bawdy, verse rhyming aabba. There is a 33223 beat pattern. Good job capturing the essence and beat pattern of a limerick.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. Good job with punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. An entertaining turkey trot! Well done!

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph

290

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14 days may be credited.

#4585167

Review of The turkey speaks before dinner [281]

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

THE LIMERICK

A turkey seems oblivious to his plight, which, honestly, is a not a good thing. He has no idea what's going to happen...

WHAT I LIKED

Very creative! You capture the poor bird's lack of knowing well.

STRUCTURE

A limerick is a humorous, frequently bawdy, verse rhyming aabba. There is a 33223 beat pattern. Good job capturing the essence and beat pattern of a limerick.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. Good job with punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. A great way to weave in some Swedish. Well done!

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph

291

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14 days may be credited.

#4585161

Review of Turkey Trifecta

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

THE LIMERICK

3 Limericks, 2 turkeys, and a chef fill the house with the ambience of Thanksgiving.

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the trifecta! Three great stories about Thanksgiving, turkeys, and a chef.

STRUCTURE

A limerick is a humorous, frequently bawdy, verse rhyming aabba. There is a 33223 beat pattern. Good job capturing the essence and beat pattern of a limerick.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. Good job with punctuation. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. Very creative. Well done!

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph

292

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14 days may be credited.

#4585159

Review of In the Barrio

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

THE LIMERICK

A turkey found love...and lost love.

WHAT I LIKED

Never find love in a barrio.

STRUCTURE

A limerick is a humorous, frequently bawdy, verse rhyming aabba. There is a 33223 beat pattern. Good job capturing the essence and beat pattern of a limerick.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. Good job with punctuation. Good use of WDC ML.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. Great storytelling in four lines with an added chuckle. Well done!

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph

293

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14 days may be credited.

#4585158

Review of Turkeys' Revenge

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

THE LIMERICK

A couple of turkeys get their revenge on Thanksgiving.

WHAT I LIKED

I loved the revenge in the form a stink bomb and hard drumsticks. I thought this was a very imaginative limerick that fit the prompt well.

STRUCTURE

A limerick is a humorous, frequently bawdy, verse rhyming aabba. There is a 33223 beat pattern. Good job capturing the essence and beat pattern of a limerick.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. Good job with punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. A sinfully delicious revenge that made me chuckle. Well done!

Reviewed by StephB

Glowing Steph

294

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4581237

Review of NEIGHBORS FEUD: The Bard's Hall Contest

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

The family likes to hunt, but then the invaders come.

WHAT I LIKED

The story is short, concise and straight to the point.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the five senses. Pull the reader into the scene by engaging the senses.

SETTING

TIME: modern day?
PLACE: urban setting?

This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Unnamed narrator

There's enough here to understand their motivations. They need to hunt.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I might try fleshing this vingette out a little more. I got a werewolf/vampire vibe. The opening needs to be reworked to define the family better. Are they wolves? People? Vampires? Witches? Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

295

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14 days may be credited.

#4581234

Review of Halloween Battle in Shibuya

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

An amnitronic and his friends are sent to battle an alien demon on Halloween.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the madness! The chaos! The Halloween costumes of the good guys! This was a fun, entertaining read, though it was a bit out there.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by "Ty Cobb." Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: I barked, "Direct your attack on the witch."

MY SUGGESTION: I pointed toward the sky. "Direct your attack on the witch!"

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. What does the battle zone smell like?

SETTING

TIME: near future
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

"Ty Cobb"

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's there to fight the alien demon.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I loved the creativity and imagination behind the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

296

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14 days may be credited.

#4581232

Review of Inheritance

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Dougie's gret-great-whatever was at the Salem Witch Trials. Seems he kept a diary too that Dougie found. Dougie's in for it now.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the story built on itself to the ending.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the through Dougie and Rina's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. I might a line break after "Great! CU in 20" as there is a POV shift.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might touch on the five senses including touch and smell. What does the diary feel like?

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Dougie

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's fascinated by the old diary.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

297

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14 days may be credited.

#4581228

Review of The Old Banyan Tree

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

During the day, the Old Banyan Tree is good, but during the night, the Old Banyon Tree is kinda evil. In a good way.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked how the tree became it's own character.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "I am missing the kind of fun we are used to," said Nagaraju, with a lecherous smile.

MY SUGGESTION: Nagaraju flashed his gang a lecherous smile. "I am missing the kind of fun we are used to."

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but you could expand on this. There's a good visual description of the tree, but what does it feel like? What does it smell like?

SETTING

TIME: unknown
PLACE: Two villaes, Kottur and Puttur near the river Nagavali.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Nagaraju

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's just not a nice guy.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. A very interesting story. Glad to see the Banyan tree was looking out for the villages. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

298

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14 days may be credited.

#4581226

Review of Crossing Over

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Famous flutist, Katherine Stratford, is killed, but gets to visit Earth once a year.

WHAT I LIKED

I thought the ending was solid horror. Well done.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person omniscent. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. In the middle, there's a POV shift to Peter's perspective. I might suggest a line break so the shift isn't so jaring.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "Peter started to turn his head as he asked, "What the hell are you talking about?"

MY SUGGESTION: Peter started to turn his head. "What the hell are you talking about?"

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. To heighten the suspense I might suggest drawing on the 5 senses, especially smell. When Katherine comes to Peter, is there a smell?

SETTING

TIME: modern day.
PLACE: urban setting.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Katherine and Peter

There's enough here to understand their motivations. Peter's moved on, but Katherine hasn't.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

299

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4581223

Review of Snokum Joe

Review by StephBee

In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

One Eyed Billy sneaks into a graveyard to hide his loot, but things aren't what they seem.

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the ending. Dumb Billy never learns.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by One Eyed Billy. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's no dialogue. The story is told through narration.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "a small lantern cast a buttery light upon the rows of white tombstone sticking out like teeth and bones from the carcass of the earth." Well done! Good, solid descriptions throughout.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: graveyard

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

One Eyed Billy

There's enough here to understand his motivations. If I just stole a bunch of money, I'd want to hide it too.

MECHANICS

I spotted one spelling error: "hen" for then. I did not spot any puncutation errors. Good use of WDC ML in the story.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.

300

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4580390

Review of Digestion Digest: Cooks Who Coax.

Review by StephBee

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, I'm StephBee

and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest

(ASR)
Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes!
#1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Lenny travel to India for work and everyone wants to feed him.

WHAT I LIKED

Great character voice! Lenny had a nice conversational style way of telling a story that connected with me as a reader.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by Lenny. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I might suggest a minor edit to tighten up the dialogue tags.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. Good descriptions involving food and smell: "Never have toast and omelet looked so beautiful. Or tasty so spicy. Surely those little green things couldn't be so lethal..."

I found glossary of words at the beginning of the story very useful when reading.

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: India, urban setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Lenny

There's enough here to understand his motivations. He needs to try and avoid all the food they are feeding him.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good job with WDC ML to make the story easy on the eyes for the reader.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening engages the reader. A creative spin on a challenging quotation prompt. Well done. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.