My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
James walks a snowy street, reflecting on his life.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the story used the visual prompt for inspiration. It takes an honest look at what goes on with people who might be less fortune than others.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by James. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. Good emotional descriptions place the reader next to James as he walks down the street.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
James
There's enough here to understand his motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening is a little slow and the story centers on James' reflections and where he is in his life. I might suggest incorporating some action into the story, maybe he meets someone or a he does a good deed for someone which spurns on his decision at the end. (The action doesn't necessarily need to be incredible. Sometimes subtle action speaks more to character motivation than a lot of action.) Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
An honest mistake leads to healing in the family.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the heartwarming nature of the story. Good use of the visual prompt to inspire the story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited from Pamela's POV. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. You could expand on them if you wanted using the five scenes. I might tape into painting vivid white visuals for the reader.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Pamela
There's enough here to understand her motivations once she realizes her mistake.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC to make the story easy on the eyes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. The only thing I might suggest clarifying because I was confused by it and I tried to re-read it a couple of times, is how Pamela had Uncle Roger's email. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Cory turns 18 and drives out of his small town looking for adventure.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the story took inspiration from the visual prompt. It was very creative.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Cory. There are shifts to Donna May's point of view without a line breaks. I might suggest line breaks so the shift isn't jarring for readers. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I might suggest offsetting the dialogue with it's own paragraph. I wouldn't include it within the body of the paragraph, that tends to confuse readers.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the five senses. Does the warp have a smell? Has the smell changed? What's the difference that Donna feels might be happening?
SETTING
TIME: modern day or near future
PLACE: rural setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Cory
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's young and he's old enough to do his own thing and that's go and explore the world.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening grabs the reader's attention and keep them reading. The title fits the story. Good, subtle use of the sci-fi elements. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Dan meets with a reporter about recent changes in his life.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the story took inspiration from the visual prompt. The meeting between Dan and Tori take place in a cafe on a busy street covered in snow. I also liked how the first snowflake of the story comes full circle with the ending snowflake. Well done.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Dan. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "Her brown hair danced in the air from the static electricity the action caused." As a reader, you put me right in the diner with Dan and Tori.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Dan
I wasn't clear on Dan's motivations to seek out Tori, a reporter. Certainly, he has experienced dramatic change. Or did Tori seek him out. While I found the exchange of information interesting, I was a bit confused on the characters' motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the story easy to read on the eyes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I would just flesh out the motivations a bit more. The title fits the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
A man wanders the snowy streets searching for answers.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the ending. It gave the wanderings a sense of purpose.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's only one line of dialogue which accents the narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest taping into the five senses. You could really amp up the visual descriptions and I might even touch upon the sense of smell. Technology still functioned, but what did technology smell like? Put me in the room.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Unnamed narrator
There's enough here to understand his wanderings.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest spacing between paragraphs on WDC to make it easier for readers to read.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening is okay. It's very descriptive and I would suggest taping into some action to pull me in. Put me in the scene with the narrator. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Rob returns home only to discover an EMP has stopped the world cold.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the character voice. Rob pulled me into the scenes with him.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Rob. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good job with dialogue tags.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked the heartbreaking description of Rob's parents' house when he walks in.
SETTING
TIME: modern day or near future
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Rob
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He's returning home and his life is turned upside down.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
My only suggestion would be to finesse the ending. Would an EMP take out a car? I wasn't sure what an MGB was. Does it use electricity? I might end the story with Rob and Sam putting together a plan to get to the cabin with a nibble of hope that were confident they could make it. I definitely think you've got the beginning of a good story here. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
An unnamed narrator has to make it down a snowy street.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the story took inspiration from the visual prompt. Very imaginative.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by an unnamed sergeant. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: near future?
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is not defined but could be clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Unnamed narrator
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He has orders to make it to the end of the street, but he keeps dropping that helmet!
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/puncutation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening egages the reader with solid character voice. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Tammy is poor and lives with mom. She's just trying to make it through school - and winter.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the characterization. Tammy was someone I could definitely relate to. Nice character voice.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Tammy. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a seperate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "I guess I'm on my own." Tammy remarked as she grabbed the cell phone off the charger.
MY SUGGESTION: Tammy grabbed her cell phone off the charger. "I guess I'm on my own."
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked how you used smell to identify one of the characters. (The stinky homeless guy). If anything, I might use the visual prompt to expand on the snow and the weather. Also -- there's a sentence dealing with emotion: "Tammy started to feel angry." Show me that anger. I might suggest. "Tammy fisted her hands and pursed her lips, holding back a tart retort."
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Tammy
There's enough here to understand her motivations. Tammy just wants to get through the day.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. Spell out "okay" in creative writing. "OK" is alright for journalistic writing.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and pulls them into Tammy's world. The ending inspires hope. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Katie wants to go to Stephanie's sleepover, but the family has other plans.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the author weaved the visual prompt into the story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Line breaks are used appropriately. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You don't need much. If you wanted to "amp" up the visual, you could, but maybe you could tap into the smell. What does Eric smell like? The bad guy? Molly the cat?
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Katie
There's enough here to understand her motivations. She feels neglected by her parents.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I would spell out "okay" for creative writing. "Ok" is alright for journalistic writing.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and I liked the ending as it gave hope to all the characters. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
The story contains the letters of a soldier who might not make it home to Thanksgiving during World War I.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the letters captured the feel of the time period.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Sid. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's no dialogue as the story is told over a series of letters.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. Maybe touch upon the five senses and the smell.
SETTING
TIME: 1915
PLACE: battlefield
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Sid
There's enough here to understand his motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for spelling.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The bitem does not follow the story prompt of ending with "happy thanksgiving." Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
The turkey is ruined! Can a side dish become the main attraction?
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the premise of the story. I also enjoy all the characters names. They seemed appropriate for a Thanksgiving story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Present tense is used. Most professional editors encourage the use of past tense. For me, as a reader, I find present tense a bit jarring to read.
DIALOGUE
There's a descent blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "What happened to the turkey?" Nama exclaimed as soon as the turkey came out of the oven.
MY SUGGESTION: Name pulled the turkey out of the oven. She wrinkled her nose, pursed her lips and felt her heart skip a beat. "What happened to the turkey!"
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You could really touch on the sense of smell to heightened the fact the turkey did not cook well.
SETTING
TIME: Thanksgiving
PLACE: the kitchen
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Nama
There's enough here to understand her motivations. The turkey is a wreck. Now what?
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Good use of the prompt in the story. I liked how Nama and the family solved the Turkey dilemma. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
The turkey was soooo big, it barely fit in the oven! Can Thanksgiving dinner be saved?
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how "Birdzilla" took on a life of it's own and drove the story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Jeanie. Good job with narration. Good use of line breaks to separate the narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You could really touch on the sense of smell to heighten the suspense regarding the big, bad Birdzilla.
SETTING
TIME: 1985
PLACE: a house
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Jeanie
There's enough here to understand her motivations. Who doesn't worry about cooking the Thanksgiving bird?
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The story is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening is a bit passive. I might start out with framing the period.
My suggestion: "It was 1985. Ronald Reagan was immensely popular, Calvin and his stuffed tiger, Hobbes, were out to conquer the world, Bruce Springsteen sung about things I cared about."
Coming of age in 1985, I don't remember too many people worrying about "corn fed" turkey, as I think that's more of a modern 2010's concern, and I probably wouldn't mention it in the story.
Good use of the prompt in the story. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Mom is hoping the boys will bring home a gator for Thanksgiving because that's what you eat when you live in a swamp.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the character voice. It really helped to draw me into the story.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Mom. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags are used appropriately.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. You could expand on the descriptions a bit by touching on the five senses. I'd love to know Swamp Thanksgiving smells like.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural/swamp setting?
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Mom
There's enough here to understand her motivations. It's time to prepare Thanksgiving dinner.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The story followed the prompt. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Mrs. Stone is kidnapped and the Bardstown's police department must solve the crime before the Founder's Day activities start, with a little help from the tech team.
WHAT I LIKED
The opening sentence captured the imagination and had me hooked.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
The dialogue accents the narration and does a great job capturing the individual character voice.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: Bardstown, USA
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Captain O'Leary
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to solve the crime.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
The opening engages the reader. Nice twist at the end! Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Mr. Jones takes his Boy Scout troop an an adventure to cave as part of his "Bucket List."
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the ending. It was very heartwarming.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Mr Jones. Good job with narration. I might suggest an edit for tense. It switches between past and present and can be a tad confusing for readers.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the story.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You could tap into the five senses and heighten the suspense in the cave using smell and touch.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: cave setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Mr. Jones
There's enough here to understand his motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. The font and spacing make the story easy to read.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Joey and Danny go camping and get spooked by a furry guest.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the boys react to their furry visitor. It was very cute.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person omniscient. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. The dialogue accents the story.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes. If anything, I might touch on the sense of smell. How does the forest smell? The furry visitor?
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Joey and Danny
There's enough here to understand their motivations. I'd freak out too if I discovered a visitor in my tent.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. I might also suggest spacing between paragraphs. It's easier to read on WDC.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Jake encounters a snake while camping in the woods.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the suspense grew more tense with every word.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited from Jake's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's not much dialogue. The dialogue accents the narration. My suggestion would be not to put action in the dialogue tag.
FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "To hell with you," Jake said, his heart trying to pound its way through his chest. He turned and ran.
MY SUGGESTION: "To hell with you!" Jake turned and ran, his heart pounding its way through his chest.
DESCRIPTIONS
Fantastic descriptions. I loved: "It felt as hot as fresh brewed coffee." And: "greasy nausea." The story utilizes a good economy of words to communicate suspense and fear.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Jake
There's enough here to understand his motivations. He wants to get away from the snake.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and keeps them reading. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE BLOG
I Blog Poetry and Prose engages the reader using poetry, and short, interesting spiritual posts.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked how the posts were short and engaging. I especially liked the entry for 14 JUN. I did not know much about Baha’u’llah, but what was nice, was that on the face of the entries, I didn't need to know about Bah'u'llah, I just went with it. The posts intrigue the reader to wanting to find out more.
ENGAGING
The blog invites the reader to engage. I posted several times on topics.
VARIETY
There was a nice variety of posts. Some were poetry, some discussed were interesting (like the pennies) and reflective.
EXPRESSIVE
The blog was easy to read. I enjoyed the the reflective/spiritual aspects of the posts.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes, but then when it comes to reviewing blogs, I'm a bit more liberal.
PARTING THOUGHTS
Good use of graphics and WDC ML in the introduction to attract readers. I enjoyed visiting your blog.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE PHOTOGRAPH
Palm tree branches meet in the middle with the planet Venus hovering over them.
THE POEM
This is a haiku which captures the essence of the photo, which, to me, was calm and inviting.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the color scheme of the photo. The words tease the calming effect of Venus. I could almost feel, the warm, but not too warm, air surrounding me as I kicked back with a drink to relax.
STRUCTURE
This is a haiku that follows a 5-7-5 syllable scheme. Well done.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
No suggestions for improvement. Well done! The prompt followed the Bard's Hall Contest rules.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THIS IS FOR THE ENTRY: THE BROKEN UMBRELLA
An unnamed female narrator tries to determine if her grandson has autism.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the warm beats of the story. It was very heartfelt.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Unnamed Female Narrator
There's enough here to understand his motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good use of incorporating the visual prompt into the story. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Norman is trying to change the past with his friend, Del.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the story line. The opening proves very intriguing and hooks the reader quickly.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited from Norman's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used. I might suggest using past tense, as most professional editors suggest it. Present tense can be confusing to read at times.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the five senses to include smell and touch. That might help to build suspense.
SETTING
TIME: in the future
PLACE: rural setting?
This is something that could be clarified a tad more for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Norman
There's enough here to understand his motivations.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening hooks the reader and does a good job incorporating the visual prompt. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
"Night" is a hired enforcer who is compelled to listen to what his boss says, but sometimes his boss isn't right.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the characterization. I thought Night was a very original character, and story was very creative with the visual prompt.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the first person by Night. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. You could tap into the five senses or perhaps, stress the lack of them considering the story.
SETTING
TIME: the future
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Night
There's enough here to understand his motivations.
MECHANICS
I might suggest a minor edit for spelling and punctuation.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. I didn't see the word count listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Amber is a lawyer who gets in some trouble while trying to solve a case.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the story. Very inspirational.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Amber. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. My only suggestion here would be to be mindful of the character voice. Amber is a lawyer, so I, as a reader, expect her to sound more sophisticated then how she is currently written.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest tapping into the five senses. You can really heighten the suspense, especially using smell and touch.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Lisa
There's enough here to understand her motivations.
MECHANICS
I might suggest a minor edit for spelling, grammar, and punctuation. I would capitalize "God" when you write "thank god."
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
On the planet "Aridus," Lisa must try to find a way to communicate with the natives of the planet.
WHAT I LIKED
I liked the imagination behind the story. A creative take on the visual prompt.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the third person limited by Lisa. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's a good blend of dialogue and narration.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I suggest tapping into the five senses, especially touch and smell.
SETTING
TIME: in the future
PLACE: the planet Aridus
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Lisa
There's enough here to understand his motivations. She's working hard to establish a common language between her and the native people to the planet.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. The ending touches on the visual prompt with the word "rain," but I would have loved to have seen you tackle the umbrella aspect of the prompt. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
Jeremy Strauss has a date with an umbrella and destiny. WHAT I LIKED
I liked the idea of the loop and how the story came full circle.
POV NARRATION/TENSE
This is told in the mainly in the third person limited from Jeremy's perspective, however there are some POV shifts without a line break that kinda confused me as a reader. I would suggest a minor edit for these shifts. Past tense is used appropriately.
DIALOGUE
There's minimal dialogue.
DESCRIPTIONS
There's enough to set the scenes.
SETTING
TIME: modern day
PLACE: urban setting in the rain.
This is something that is clarified for the reader.
CHARACTERS
Jeremy
I was a bit confused on his motivation. He was looking for a man, found him and gave him his umbrella, but I felt like the gesture lacked something.
MECHANICS
I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.
PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS
Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader, but, and I'll best honest, I missed the "umph" of the ending and was a tad confused with it. Maybe if think "Twilight Zone?" where the umbrella propels the owner to hand it off? Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.
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My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.
THE STORY
WHAT I LIKED
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WHAT I LIKED