Hi Sandy !
Thanks for your entry in my contest, "Spidey's Weekly Poetry Contest" [ASR]
This is my review for your entry, "Angel With Broken Wings" [E]
Strengths
A beautiful, inspirational poem. I love what you're saying here. I think many can relate to this, and perhaps they can find comfort in it, too.
This has such a gentle feel to it, but one that is very strong, as well. The Angel's voice is so confident & friendly that it conveys this strong, gentle tone. Nicely done!
Interesting form. I did enjoy the rhymes (though I found the rhyme scheme to be a little inconsistent). For me, they added to the strength of the poem.
Grammar/Spelling
(These are suggestions with regard to my understanding of grammar/spelling rules. If I'm mistaken or missing a regional difference in usage, I apologize in advance.)
No where to turn, only to go back where I been
To me, it would sound more grammatically correct to insert the word "have" between "I" and "been."
Also, "No where" should be one word Nowhere
Title/Rating/Genres
Good title & intro! They let me know what the poem was going to be about.
Your ratings & genres are also appropriate.
Suggestions
These are just the suggestions of one reader. Feel free to use them or not.
First, the form seemed inconsistent to me. Unless I'm missing something, like a particular form that you're following, the rhyme scheme shifted around quite a bit. I spent too much time trying to find the rhyme scheme that it shifted my attention from the subject of the poem. For me, I prefer a consistent rhyme scheme.
You have a number of "characters" in this poem - You have the speaker, the angel, and God. Yet you use "I" for all of them, in my understanding of the poem. This got a tad confusing to me. I'd suggest editing to clarify each. For instance, with these lines:
Where do I begin? For I want to be spared
Believe, Believe, A voice echoes
For I will lift the burden you bear
You have two "I" speakers here that are different characters. To clarify, you may want to use italics or even quotation marks to mark the dialogue spoken by the "voice." Like this:
Where do I begin? For I want to be spared
Believe, Believe, a voice echoes
For I will lift the burden you bear
See how that can make it clearer to the reader? Just my thoughts, of course.
One last suggestion - You may want to give a thought to punctuation in this poem. For me, punctuation can really affect the flow of a poem, as well as signalling to the reader where you intended thoughts to end and begin. Try experimenting with punctuation to see how it can affect your own reading of your work.
My Rating
3.5 - A solid poem. For me, the strength here is what you're saying. You do well to convey a great theme in a strong, yet gentle way (something that's not easy to do!), though I think a little work could be done to how you're presenting this. For me, the format could be strengthened just a little. I did enjoy reading this, and I thank you for sharing your work!
Winners will be announced soon. Best of luck, and thank you for your entry!
Sincerely,
spidey
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