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Public Reviews
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Review of A Promise Broken  
Review by Vivian
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Flower1* The rough, ragged flow of this poem goes well with the message of the piece. The imagery is very hell-like, too.

*Idea* Quotation marks are not needed around the title of a piece on top of the writing.

*Idea* When using a dash (rather than a hypen), a space should be on each side of the dash.

*Flower2* I enjoyed reading your poetry.

Viv

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Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Reading* The introduction to your folder of free verse is great. You put into words what many people think about free verse. I enjoyed your portrayal.

*Star* Oh, I love those last lines:
Here, only wide margins hint
Words want out of the ink.


Viv

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Review by Vivian
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Flower1* This poem contains some lovely imagery and poetic language. It is a good example of free verse.

*Flower2* I especially like the use of mist coverlet.

*Idea* You might want to revise the first stanza a bit: The use of its is confusing and unclear since you have the same pronoun used for two different things with no distinction.

*Idea* Also a few places the punctuation needs a bit of adjustment, but that is a minor problem.

*Flower3* You use words beautifully.

Viv

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Review of Item Statistics  
Review by Vivian
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Balloon1* When an article can be written about something so technical so that someone like me can understand, it is well written. Thanks for helping me to understand something else about the site and its tools.

*Balloon2* Using the Entended Item Statistics has allowed me to understand who or what group of readers like or dislike my writing, rather which find it tolerable and which like it. At least now I understand what I'm reading.

*Balloon3* Writing so that anyone can understand is a creative talent in and of itself. Good job.

*Idea* You might consider writing cannot as one word, the accepted spelling now.

Thanks for your help.

Viv

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Review of 15 Minutes  
Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon1* I enjoyed reading your work. You manage to have some excellent detail and some believable dialogue.

*Balloon2* The first paragraph needs to grab the reader's attention. Yours starts with "The traffic light turned green," but then digresses into a descrition of a car and of buying it. You might want to find a way to include a "hook" into those first words.

*Balloon3* Using "was" or "has" or "had" often in writing tends to lose the impact of what you're saying. You might want to see how you can revise so that you are using more action verbs and less passive voice sections and fewer perfect tenses.

*Balloon4* If you do revise, please let me know. I'd love to be able to adjust the rating on this story. You show some remarkable talent.

Viv

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Review of The River Of Life  
Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight* Ah, Harry, you do know how to use words and craft them into works of art. The sail down my river of life revealed many of the images you portray.

*Smile* I would like to use this poem as one of the highlighted items in this next Poetry Newsletter. I's an excellent example of free verse.

Viv

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Review of In His Sorrow  
Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile* Welcome to Writing.Com. Please know that I'm here to help if you need me.

*Balloon1* *Balloon2* *Balloon3* *Balloon4*


*Reading* This poem cries with the pain and sorrow felt by someone going through divorce. The understanding given by the author also is expressed well.

*Idea* In many places the subject and verb are separated by a comma which shouldn't be there. For example, you use the same two lines to begin and to end your poem. At the end, the punctuation is correct, but at the beginning, you have a comma after "feel," which is incorrect. You have the same problem in several stanzas.

*Idea* I'm not sure why you capitalize heart in one place, where it isn't needed, or love in another.

*Balloon1* *Balloon2* *Balloon3* *Balloon4*


The emotion, the flow, the meaning of this poem is very good.

Viv

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Review of Hold the Pickle  
Review by Vivian
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Balloon1* *Balloon2* *Balloon3* *Balloon4*


Oh, how funny. I thoroughly enjoyed this story, enough though the part about what the pickle resembeled was not my favorite part by far. You have a good story telling talent. Your dialogue and plot were believable and entertaining.

*Balloon1* *Balloon2* *Balloon3* *Balloon4*


e:idea} The following sentence seems a bit awkward and is a run-on as written. This had been his routine for almost eight months and he had been promoted to "floor manager," a position that seemed to have no solid definition. " A comma after "months" would solve the run-on problem, but I wonder if that's what you mean. This had been his routine and he had been promoted, maybe "since" he had been promoted?

*Idea* Another sentence is a run-on. Kinsworthy usually counted the money again, but Kyle didn't really care; his mom was proud of him and he made enough money to pay for the dent he'd accidentally put in the fender of her car. A comma is needed after "him." You might want to break this into two compound sentences at the semicolon so that it's not so long.

*Idea* A question mark or an exclamation point, but not both, are usuable in *teal*"What?!"


I really did enjoy this story.

Viv

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Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Smile* Ah, SM, you seem to always come up with ideas to benefit the members of Writing.Com. Your newest idea, to reward those who give "quality" reviews, is an idea that should help more writers have better reviews.

*Delight* Thank you for all that you do for us. We are forturnate indeed.

OH! You have even given us a character counter! You are so cleaver.

Viv
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Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Reading* For someone who claims not to know how to write free verse, you write it remarkably well. I really do like this intro to your folder of free verse.

*Idea* Captitalizing at the least the first word of each stentence would help with the reader being able to better understand. A few punctuation problems pop up, too.

*Smile* The rhyme, rhythm, and poetic language in all poetry is just a bit different. Free verse simply doesn't have a set rhyme or meter.

Viv

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Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* What a delightful acrostic. You caught halloween and painted it with words. Very enjoyable.

*Idea* I thought you had a rhyme scheme of each two lines rhyming, but true rhymes are not there for each two lines. Then the last line is a bit longer, with a rhyme between fun and done. Minor distractions, yes, but just enough to keep it from being perfect. I'm sorry.

Viv

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Review of The Bear  
Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Reading* What a neat limerick. I enjoyed it very much. I like the idea of a pain in the plain, I mean on the plain.

*Idea* The one suggestion I have is to avoid underlining your own title above the poem. A title with its item doesn't need to be underlined or be in quotes.

*Smile* Watch for this in the highlighted items in next week's Poetry Newsletter.

Viv

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Review of What Now?  
Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Smile* First of all, welcome back, Jacque. We've missed you.

*Reading* I really like this poem. The free verse format works beautifully for its flow and imagery. The question, "What now?" could definitely lead to an answering poem.

*Smile* Please continue sharing your work with us.

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Review by Vivian
Rated: E | N/A (Unratable.)
*Cry* I had no idea that this was hidden in the forum for TWAU submissions. I had no idea that a forum had been made for me. I was rather low tonight, and this touched me so much.

*Smile* What a wonderful surprise, and of course I give it a five.

*Delight* What a wonderful group of people wrote messages. I have lots to read.

Viv

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Review of The Journey  
Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* Oh, how funny. Sometimes the most mundane things can take on a life of their own. You have allowed us to see a rather everyday, uh, everynight occurance in a new "light."

*light* The only reason I didn't give this a five is because of some run-on sentences and a couple of rough places. One section that could be smoothed out is I came across the door. Maybe "I found the door"?

Viv

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Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Reading* I like the message in your poem, and it contains some interesting imagery.

*Idea* Perhaps if you wrote this in first person (I, me, my) rather than second person (you, your), the writing would be stronger.

*Idea* Goodbye is spelled good bye one place and correctly another.

Please let me know if you revise so that I can take another look.

Viv

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Review of The Phone Call  
Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Reading* You use words to create a vivid scene. It unfolded before my eyes. I don't know what happened or why, but I "saw" it happen as your words showed me.

*Idea* Some of the sentence structures were off.

*Idea* Maybe you don't want to tell the read what happened or why, but I feel so lost and confused.

Viv

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Review of Innocence  
Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh, the message of this poem is beautiful.

Innocence so sweet,
In a world
With no peace.


My only suggestion is some punctuation repair.

Watch for this poem being highlighted in the next poetry newsletter.

Viv

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Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ah, the wonderful, masterful poetry and imagery of Harry G. is presented in something other than a storeom. This is a very realistic portrayal of a June storm, painted with the broad stokes of your word craft.

*Delight* Thank you for sharing your marvelous talent. I will highlight this in the next poetry newsletter.

Viv
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Review of Ah, progress  
Review by Vivian
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I hope you're finding a second home here on W.Com.

~~~~~ *Reading* ~~~~~


          Your poem hold much love of home and the need to return. Most of us have that need, but some no longer have a home except where they now live.

          I think with some revisions and polishing this can be an excellent piece.

~~~~~ *Idea* ~~~~~


          The lack of needed capitalization and punctuation makes this difficult to read and understand. Ideas and thoughts all run together.

          The course language actually weakens this poem, and isn't necessary except for shock value.

          I found some contridictions. For example you say you won't give the name of the town, but then you do.

Please keep working. I see glimpses of talent that can be developed.

Viv

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Review of In the Park  
Review by Vivian
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Oh, my, I really, really like this story. Yes, there are some technical problems with a few sentences and punctuation, whatever, but, oh, the story. . . I love the story.

*Star* Your characters are good. The plot contains a lesson that isn't cramped down the reader's throat.

*Star* TWAU definitely wants this story, if you are willing to revise as our editors suggest.

*Idea* The explanation before the story takes away much of the power of the story.

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Review of Fibro Feelings  
Review by Vivian
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello. I hope you are finding your way around Writing.Com and feel welcomed.

*Star* Ah, you so well put fibro effects into words. I live with this every day, too. The fibro fog, the pain, the sleeplessness bring no rest for the one who suffers.

*Idea* You might consider expanding this by lenghtening each line. For eample, frustration might become frustation with a brain no longer sharp. That's just an idea.

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Review of Fifteen Years  
Review by Vivian
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Shock* Oh, the story took me along the lovely romantic, happy-ever-after story, then the ending took my breath away, and caused my heart to ache. Whew! Wonderful story.

*Idea* The only problem I found was some mistakes in punctuation. There were places where periods were needed and places where commas were misused.

For example: “I understand, honey,” she’d say, “We have the kids to think about. A period is needed after "say."

Wonderful story.

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2nd review for contest.
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Review of Couch Critters  
Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading* Oh, I enjoyed this poem so very much. I can just see my grandsons chuckling over it. Would you be interested in allowing The World Around Us{/}, an ezine for children, to consider it for publication? If so, please let me know so I can do the first complete edit.

I just love your imagery:
A world of wonder
Where lintpickers play
And crumb crunchers crouch
and grumble all day



*Idea* This would be much easier to understand, especially for children, if needed punctuation were used.

*Idea* It's means it is while its means belonging to it.

*Smile* Please let me know as soon as possible about us considering this for TWAU, which by the way isn't a part of W.Com, although we work through a group here.

Viv

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Review by Vivian
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Kimberley, hope you have been made welcome on Writing.Com.

*Reading* You have written a meaningful poem with some lovely imagery.

Who writes our tales on golden pages

*Idea* The one distraction I found was the way thoughts and ideas run together because no needed punctuation was used.

Viv

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