This poem contains some lovely imagery and poetic language. It is a good example of free verse.
I especially like the use of mist coverlet.
You might want to revise the first stanza a bit: The use of its is confusing and unclear since you have the same pronoun used for two different things with no distinction.
Also a few places the punctuation needs a bit of adjustment, but that is a minor problem.
When an article can be written about something so technical so that someone like me can understand, it is well written. Thanks for helping me to understand something else about the site and its tools.
Using the Entended Item Statistics has allowed me to understand who or what group of readers like or dislike my writing, rather which find it tolerable and which like it. At least now I understand what I'm reading.
Writing so that anyone can understand is a creative talent in and of itself. Good job.
You might consider writing cannot as one word, the accepted spelling now.
I enjoyed reading your work. You manage to have some excellent detail and some believable dialogue.
The first paragraph needs to grab the reader's attention. Yours starts with "The traffic light turned green," but then digresses into a descrition of a car and of buying it. You might want to find a way to include a "hook" into those first words.
Using "was" or "has" or "had" often in writing tends to lose the impact of what you're saying. You might want to see how you can revise so that you are using more action verbs and less passive voice sections and fewer perfect tenses.
If you do revise, please let me know. I'd love to be able to adjust the rating on this story. You show some remarkable talent.
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This poem cries with the pain and sorrow felt by someone going through divorce. The understanding given by the author also is expressed well.
In many places the subject and verb are separated by a comma which shouldn't be there. For example, you use the same two lines to begin and to end your poem. At the end, the punctuation is correct, but at the beginning, you have a comma after "feel," which is incorrect. You have the same problem in several stanzas.
I'm not sure why you capitalize heart in one place, where it isn't needed, or love in another.
The emotion, the flow, the meaning of this poem is very good.
Oh, how funny. I thoroughly enjoyed this story, enough though the part about what the pickle resembeled was not my favorite part by far. You have a good story telling talent. Your dialogue and plot were believable and entertaining.
e:idea} The following sentence seems a bit awkward and is a run-on as written. This had been his routine for almost eight months and he had been promoted to "floor manager," a position that seemed to have no solid definition. " A comma after "months" would solve the run-on problem, but I wonder if that's what you mean. This had been his routine and he had been promoted, maybe "since" he had been promoted?
Another sentence is a run-on. Kinsworthy usually counted the money again, but Kyle didn't really care; his mom was proud of him and he made enough money to pay for the dent he'd accidentally put in the fender of her car. A comma is needed after "him." You might want to break this into two compound sentences at the semicolon so that it's not so long.
A question mark or an exclamation point, but not both, are usuable in *teal*"What?!"
Ah, SM, you seem to always come up with ideas to benefit the members of Writing.Com. Your newest idea, to reward those who give "quality" reviews, is an idea that should help more writers have better reviews.
Thank you for all that you do for us. We are forturnate indeed.
OH! You have even given us a character counter! You are so cleaver.
For someone who claims not to know how to write free verse, you write it remarkably well. I really do like this intro to your folder of free verse.
Captitalizing at the least the first word of each stentence would help with the reader being able to better understand. A few punctuation problems pop up, too.
The rhyme, rhythm, and poetic language in all poetry is just a bit different. Free verse simply doesn't have a set rhyme or meter.
What a delightful acrostic. You caught halloween and painted it with words. Very enjoyable.
I thought you had a rhyme scheme of each two lines rhyming, but true rhymes are not there for each two lines. Then the last line is a bit longer, with a rhyme between fun and done. Minor distractions, yes, but just enough to keep it from being perfect. I'm sorry.
First of all, welcome back, Jacque. We've missed you.
I really like this poem. The free verse format works beautifully for its flow and imagery. The question, "What now?" could definitely lead to an answering poem.
I had no idea that this was hidden in the forum for TWAU submissions. I had no idea that a forum had been made for me. I was rather low tonight, and this touched me so much.
What a wonderful surprise, and of course I give it a five.
What a wonderful group of people wrote messages. I have lots to read.
Oh, how funny. Sometimes the most mundane things can take on a life of their own. You have allowed us to see a rather everyday, uh, everynight occurance in a new "light."
*light* The only reason I didn't give this a five is because of some run-on sentences and a couple of rough places. One section that could be smoothed out is I came across the door. Maybe "I found the door"?
Ah, the wonderful, masterful poetry and imagery of Harry G. is presented in something other than a storeom. This is a very realistic portrayal of a June storm, painted with the broad stokes of your word craft.
Thank you for sharing your marvelous talent. I will highlight this in the next poetry newsletter.
Oh, my, I really, really like this story. Yes, there are some technical problems with a few sentences and punctuation, whatever, but, oh, the story. . . I love the story.
Your characters are good. The plot contains a lesson that isn't cramped down the reader's throat.
TWAU definitely wants this story, if you are willing to revise as our editors suggest.
The explanation before the story takes away much of the power of the story.
Hello. I hope you are finding your way around Writing.Com and feel welcomed.
Ah, you so well put fibro effects into words. I live with this every day, too. The fibro fog, the pain, the sleeplessness bring no rest for the one who suffers.
You might consider expanding this by lenghtening each line. For eample, frustration might become frustation with a brain no longer sharp. That's just an idea.
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Oh, the story took me along the lovely romantic, happy-ever-after story, then the ending took my breath away, and caused my heart to ache. Whew! Wonderful story.
The only problem I found was some mistakes in punctuation. There were places where periods were needed and places where commas were misused.
For example: “I understand, honey,” she’d say, “We have the kids to think about. A period is needed after "say."
Oh, I enjoyed this poem so very much. I can just see my grandsons chuckling over it. Would you be interested in allowing The World Around Us{/}, an ezine for children, to consider it for publication? If so, please let me know so I can do the first complete edit.
I just love your imagery:
A world of wonder
Where lintpickers play
And crumb crunchers crouch
and grumble all day
This would be much easier to understand, especially for children, if needed punctuation were used.
It's means it is while its means belonging to it.
Please let me know as soon as possible about us considering this for TWAU, which by the way isn't a part of W.Com, although we work through a group here.
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