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 |    Not for the faint of art. |
| In these days of plague, economic disaster, and impending environmental collapse, it's important to remember to maintain a negative attitude. No, really. https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160809-why-it-pays-to-be-grumpy-and-bad-tem... Why it pays to be grumpy and bad-tempered Being bad-tempered and pessimistic helps you to earn more, live longer and enjoy a healthier marriage. It’s almost enough to put a smile on the dourest of faces. Oh, believe me, this makes me happy. See? This. This is my happy face. (By way of illustration, I look something like this  right now.)The pressure to be positive has never been greater. Cultural forces have whipped up a frenzied pursuit of happiness, spawning billion-dollar book sales, a cottage industry in self-help and plastering inspirational quotes all over the internet. All of which have the opposite effect than intended on me. Now you can hire a happiness expert, undertake training in ‘mindfulness’, or seek inner satisfaction via an app. The US army currently trains its soldiers – over a million people – in positive psychology and optimism is taught in UK schools. Meanwhile the ‘happiness index’ has become an indicator of national wellbeing to rival GDP. Hire... a happiness expert? No wonder society needed a reset. The truth is, pondering the worst has some clear advantages. Cranks may be superior negotiators, more discerning decision-makers and cut their risk of having a heart attack. Cynics can expect more stable marriages, higher earnings and longer lives – though, of course, they’ll anticipate the opposite. As I've always been saying: Expect the worst, and then you can only be pleasantly surprised. Either you're right, which makes you feel good; or you're wrong, which also makes you feel good because the worst didn't happen after all. Good moods on the other hand come with substantial risks – sapping your drive, dimming attention to detail and making you simultaneously gullible and selfish. Positivity is also known to encourage binge drinking, overeating and unsafe sex. Now, see? If I were a jovial, positive, upbeat person, I'd binge drink and overeat even more than I do now! On the other hand, maybe I'd have sex. The article goes on to describe the actual science behind this, which I'm going to choose not to be skeptical about (even though it takes a detour into evolutionary psychology speculation) because dammit, I want affirmation every once in a while. But, you know, feel free to grump about it yourselves. All these physiological changes are extremely helpful – as long as you get a chance to vent your anger by wrestling a lion or screaming at co-workers. Sure, you might alienate a few people, but afterwards your blood pressure should go back to normal. Avoiding grumpiness has more serious consequences. Alienating a few people? Sounds like heaven. In fact, scientists are increasingly recognising that grumpiness may be beneficial to the full range of social skills – improving language skills, memory and making us more persuasive. See? If I weren't grumpy, I'd have no social skills at all. Then there's more science describing some more studies to explain just how happiness is a Bad Thing. So the next time someone tells you to “cheer up” – why not tell them how you’re improving your sense of fairness, reducing unemployment and saving the world economy? You’ll be having the last laugh – even if it is a world-weary, cynical snort. Now sod off. I'm social-distancing. |
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