Complex Numbers

Blender

Entry #2 for "Journalistic Intentions"  [18+] today.

Justin Sutherland  

Having never heard of Justin Sutherland, I was relieved to discover he's not the illegitimate love child of Justin Bieber and Kiefer Sutherland. My relief was short-lived, however, as it became clear that the above linked "article" is a barely-disguised ad. Fortunately, it's mostly an ad for a book, which I've repeatedly stated isn't going to stop me from linking it on a writing site.

Anyway, it turns out that Sutherland is a chef, though someone I'd never heard of. Not that surprising, as I don't follow celebrity chefs and I don't live in Minnesota.

Sutherland was boating with friends on the St. Croix River on July 3 when his hat blew off, causing him to reach for it. At the same moment, the boat hit a wave, sending him into the water near the propeller, which "did a number on his head and left arm,"

Sounds like he was more than "near" the propeller. I guess you could say he got screwed.

Look, I'll never pass up an opportunity for a pun, no matter how tragic the incident that prompts one. I'm not making fun of the accident; it sounds like no fun at all, one of those shitty things that occasionally happens to people.

Here's a snippet of Sutherland's interview. You can watch his full appearance on The Jason Show in the player above.

No.

Jason: What do you remember about that day?

Sutherland: I mean, honestly, I remember everything. It was a beautiful, perfect, you know, day. I remember everything from hitting the water, to getting slammed back to the boat, and to getting to the ambulance.

The key word being "was." One wonders how much booze was involved, though a large amount wouldn't work with remembering "everything."

Jason: I know this seems very simple, but you don't remember any of the pain?

Sutherland: No. Not a single piece.

I ain't no doctor, but that sounds like shock to me.

Jason: You look fantastic!

Sutherland: Regions

Apparently this is a hospital in St. Paul

was amazing … I still haven't eaten solid food in nine weeks now. I have five metal plates in my face. And this is all brand new (pointing to his face), I can't put any pressure on my teeth. I've lost about 14 pounds, trying to drink protein shakes.

That sucks and all, but at least he's a chef: those protein shakes were probably amazing. For protein shakes.

Jason: Let's talk about the positive … the positive is the support. Wow. … What did that feel like?

Sutherland: Incredible. … Nothing but just gratitude. We touch a lot of people in our lives … but sometimes you don't realize the people you cross paths with and the lives that you impacted. The people that came together – still, eternally grateful.

You know, this is kind of refreshing. So much so that I'm willing to overlook the whole "positivity" thing. Why? Because he wasn't all "God healed me." No, he acknowledges the very human, very skilled people involved in his recovery. I don't see a lot of that in the news. I see a lot of "That tornado ripped through and slammed me against a trailer and I couldn't walk for a week, but God healed me," ignoring the neurosurgeon that fixed the walking thing. Or, "I was driving drunk and slammed into a tree, but after a month I could see again, thanks to God," without mentioning the doctors who fixed your unworthy drunk-driving-ass face.

Never mind that God did those things to you in the first place. I mean, if he's in control, then didn't he both send the tornado *and* heal you afterward? If not, then he's not all-powerful, is he? And if he does, why only praise him? It's like, occasionally you'll get a firefighter who lights shit on fire and then swoops in to play the hero. We call them "arsonists" and they generally get arrested for it.

Or maybe the initial incident was some combination of your fault and the random workings of the universe; the medical attention you get afterward, though, that's deliberate. No need to resort to supernatural causes.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not condemning people who have faith that they think helps them get through a tough situation. Whatever brings you comfort. But all the work done to fix your broken ass? That was people. Humans. Sure, some of us suck, but we can also be quite clever, competent, and helpful. Well, not me. But doctors and EMTs and such. Not to mention any of your friends and family who help you through it all.

Point being, it sounds like this guy acknowledges that.

Well, the rest of the article is the ad for his book and his restaurants, and you can look at that part if you want. As for me, next time I'm in the area, maybe I'll remember this and check out one of those restaurants. After all, that's one of the reasons I travel in the first place.

I just hope they're serving solid food.