Spiral Bound Journal

Everything Is Up to You

Oliver crossed and uncrossed his ankles while waiting in the sliver of a waiting room. He liked the counselor-Gary- but found the inner ring suburban office rather tiny. The government issue white paint on the walls didn't help much, although the colorful prints at least offered some welcome contrast. He stood up to get a drink of water from the cooler toward the end furthest from the main entrance when the counselor's door opened. Gary talked a little bit with the other client, giving Oliver a moment to at least get that cup of water. After a moment, the other client left, prompting Gary to face Oliver.

"Hey, Oliver," he asked, "are you ready?"

"One sec," Oliver mumbled before going back to the chair where he'd been sitting. "Just gotta grab my bag."

Once Oliver had his bag, he followed his counselor into the more spacious office. The dimmed lights highlighted the outline of the leather couch along one wall. Oliver sauntered over, setting his bag on the floor along the way. He nestled himself against the arm of the couch and watched the counselor take his seat. In some ways, it was a bit unsettling for Oliver to see Gary, as the two men shared an almost alarming number of features. If Oliver didn't already have gray hairs setting up shop at his temples despite being in his mid-30s, he'd consider his counselor a look into the future. Now, oddly enough, his counselor's visage appeared to be closer to a look at Oliver's past.

"So how have you been?" Gary asked.

Oliver sighed. "It's been another rough week. Claire caught another cold a daycare, and Kayla's been beside herself with that. If I try to help with Claire in any way, such as helping her with a bath or making sure she eats dinner, Kayla gets upset with me."

"Really," Gary replied with an arched eyebrow.

"Yeah. And this has been a thing for a bit. Kayla gets all weird if I try to help with Claire, so I usually try to do some housework since it needs to be done. And even then, Kayla will scrutinize the dishes or throw a misplaced sock is I don't sort the laundry correctly."

"That seems a bit out of line. How have you addressed these things with her?"

"I..." Oliver started before trailing off.

"Yes?"

"I...haven't."

"Why's that?"

"After how she yelled at me about talking to Felicia in the office a few weeks ago, I have no desire to deal with that again."

"I didn't know you had spoken with Felicia that recently."

"Oh, I've spoken with her since."

Oliver glanced at Gary, noting his counselor's effort at maintaining a blank face (along with an eyebrow tic that keep shattering the illusion).

"This is news to me," Gary said, "and Kayla's actions suggest to me that whatever is going on with Felicia is not good for any of you, including Felicia."

With that, Oliver blinked a couple times then sighed. "I saw an article on the KARE 11 site that mentioned Felicia brokering a talk between Beyond the River Achievement and PhillipsCares. It mentioned not only her mediation but a history teaching program she brainstormed. So, I asked her about it when I saw her. It's pretty complex."

"I can agree with the complex part. What else happened when you spoke to her?"

"Well, Felicia looked stressed, which unfortunately seems to be pretty par for the course anymore, at least as far as I can tell. I told her that she's doing a lot of good and that people are starting to take notice of it."

"How did Felicia take that?"

"She kind of smiled," Oliver replied. "It was tired looking, but any smile from her is a rarity. It's always been that way. I know she was either intentionally closed off or in a world of hurt when we were on the same team."

"Ah."

"Is it wrong to try to encourage Felicia when things are tough?"

Gary sat for a moment before saying anything.

"No," he started, "but it's worth considering where that urge to give encouragement is coming from?"

"What do you mean?"

"You have told me two different stories of trying to help women you are close to, and on the surface the ways you are trying to help are perfectly understandable. However, the approaches you are taking with them could not be more differently. From how you describe things at home, you just try to leap in wherever you can, but there's not a lot of consideration of how Kayla is taking all this. While it's certainly good to do things around the house unprompted, if Kayla is getting upset about it, your not asking her how to help reduce her stress is a huge issue."

Oliver shifted in his seat but said nothing.

"Meanwhile," Gary continued, "with Felicia, it seems you are paying a lot more attention to her cues, thinking about what is stressing her out and trying to better understand it. Even if you don't completely understand what Felicia is up to, you are trying to actively learn, and it seems like you're putting in quite a bit of time to do that, relatively speaking."

"I suppose," Oliver mumbled.

"With those things in mind, I'm going to put this out there. You have the skills to maintain relationships. Why are you using them on someone you're not involved with?"

For a moment, Oliver bowed his head and stared at his knees. He knew he was going to need to talk about making plans to join a learning table Felicia was hosting about her history teaching program. Sure, the topic did interest him, and he figured it was relevant to raising Claire to be a mindful, respectful member of society. All the same, he knew that was not the only reason he was joining.

"Because," Oliver stated, "I still think I have a chance. I feel I have to try one more time."






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