The Whatever Files

Dragon Hoards

When I was small, not much older than a hatchling, my mother told me that every self respecting dragon needs a hoard.

Male dragons need a hoard to attract female dragons. Female dragons need a hoard, and by-the-by a male dragon, in order to use it as a nest. People talk about the birds and the bees, but never mention, 'and the dragons.' I cannot think why not.

As I grew older, I dutifully set about amassing a hoard. First I spent a few years studying diligently at the London School of Economics. From there I moved to an internship at a major bank, before getting in a brief period on the floor of the Stock Exchange. Then I swooped down on a minor Duchy, flame grilled the guards, gulped down the Prince, and took over.

It was then that I learned the arcane secrets of 'The Tax Haven'. Quite by chance I was in possession of the largest hoard in the world.

Naturally I was soon entertaining not a few lady friends, and not all of them dragons. I can tell you that you should never underestimate the appeal of large amounts of cash to impoverished former child stars, all grown up now, and having gone through the obligatory 'wild child' patch, are now morphing into trophy wives. Actually, they leave a nasty taste in my mouth.

But, I digress. Despite all the money, the fine cuisine, and dragonesses, I still felt that life was lacking something. I longed to express myself. Then one day I came across a web site, devoted to writing. I signed up immediately, and took the pen name 'Liechtenstein', but hey, you can call me Lichy.

I've gotten pretty involved with the site, made a few good friends, written some appalling fan-fiction, (My LIttle Pony if you must know). I even got myself one of those Mail Order Muses. Marvellous she is.

Anyway, the other day I came across The Whatever Contest. Side note - Guys and Gals, you need to PROMOTE these things or else how is anyone to know they're on, I nearly missed it. I've sent six merit badges, with a heartfelt message, (something my muse had to come up with for me!) These cost me 60K Gift Points, but Schnujo is Late to Lannister sent me 90K gift points for entering. My hoard's getting bigger! Not only that but some guy with a weird-ass name I can't pronounce is giving me two merit badges for entering. Amazing. Oh - here's the link in case you're interested:



Note to self; Add large mouthwash to shopping list.