Grey Mess

The View Must Change

I'm standing on the top of a mountain. The climb was difficult, but I'm here. The view is spectacular.

To my left, fuzzy blue-green trees shelter the forest floor from my view; I cannot see what's there, but I can see how lush and wondrous it is. The path leading to the forest is daunting and overgrown, but not impossible to traverse. It will take all of my energy to make it through, and that gives me pause; do I have enough energy to walk such a complicated path?

To my right, the landscape is quite different. There are fewer trees and the terrain is decidedly less intimidating. There are buildings scattered throughout, promising comfort and a modicum of stability.

Stability. That word once meant a full-time job to me, where someone signed my paychecks. As I've gotten older, I realize that while a constant paycheck is a type of stability, there is another stability I'm lacking...emotional stability.

I'm not promised emotional gratification and peace if I enter the forest, but it makes me decidedly less anxious than taking the path to civilization. However, the unknown of the forest gives me pause...what if I don't make it through? What if I don't have the energy to traverse the obstacles, and I have to backtrack and find the path to comfort again? How will that affect my family?

So, I sit on the mountain. I feel no contentment...no tranquility. I know that inaction will not guarantee safety for me. But what path to take?