TRUTH Vigilante: Ew, Icky. How Gross?

In The Past 15 Seconds

Another poem not fully realized…lifecabd stuff, you know?

In the past 15 seconds
my brain has deceived me,
it leads me, denies me
full access to its process that I
can’t fully retrace footprints of a stained brain
where I store thoughts, like memories
in a short frame,
few store in that microprocessor,
the visual instability, continuously bombarded
in a stable realm, home,
but to the excruciating excitement of the long ride,
to park, walk from lots to airport, tickets, luggage, scan and scan and scan and wand —
jog terminals, scan, plane, cram, overhead and cram,
and squirm and cram and plop.
smells and cries and starvation before the steel cart cuts a swath,
crush hard biscuits’ flavor crammed in the jutted crevices,
suck and suck, sip and savor a soda nursed,
juggle waste and waste time, finally collected

from ascent, distorted mechanical dialogue,
to descent, clutch, hold, hang on, then
wiggle and wobble, tow and toddle and
un-tuna-can, pained legs abide, to the spun luggage,
head spins the spun carousel, until identified,
snatch and grab and haul a lot in a human jam,
to rental lot, vehicle, choose, but route map
to destined vacay rental, turn key, blow hair back,

where brain and me truly get lost,

navigate highway, dull scenery, 15 times infinity in a spin,
when red rock towers, cactus flowers, cicadas hum,
windows down in small town and stop
at a dry river bed, lug and roll behind the cottage.
Luggage contents in strategic locations
and place my lot by the sink, night stand.
we eat, drink wine, I feign relax and to bed strange,
mattress a strange world in stranger fabric not cotton.

How many divisions of 15 endured,
15 more, 15 more, 15 more. Count goes night long.
I hold on. String it together, retrace steps.
But, will I remember where I am, who I am,
the warm woman lying next to me by morn.

15 seconds is a lot from here to there. Despair.
I set a foot forward, toward a nook, turn back.
Look at her form, wonder if I can ask. What got me here?
My motivation? How divest an anxious soul
on sweet vacation. And not spoil this for her,
mated travel companion, so near a hopeful canyon.
The chasm inside a space just like synapses in a slow brain,
breaking speed records without trace. Snapshots.
Pose and point and look back on it. 15 seconds,
one year later, I frown at the sight of it. Every moment
dust brain speed to that red vortex and never reappeared.


4.30.23

https://www.sciencealert.com/to-help-us-see-a-stable-world-our-brains-keep-us-15...

A book is coming…I keep telling myself…as all kinds of arbitrary deadlines near & pass…like blaring traffic. So, there’s that.