Complex Numbers

Bad Influence

I've been banned as a bad influence, so I can identify with this Cracked article.

    5 Innocent Things Banned as Bad Influences  

I, too, was innocent.

What do you do when your citizens come upon something new? You must ban it, obviously. New things lead to new thoughts, which lead to new actions, which lead to your downfall.

Probably why it took fire so long to really catch on.

5. Syria Banned Yo-Yos, Thinking They Caused Drought

Every once in a while you hear about some country getting all panicked over a superstitious belief. Then you remember that, here, people still think floods are caused by God being angry that we let gays exist.

Looking for something to blame, the country’s holy men turned to a new toy people were playing with: yo-yos. Everyone was praying to the heavens above for rain, they reasoned, and meanwhile here were yo-yos springing to the ground below, and that surely disturbed everything.

Ha ha those idiots. Don't they know yo-yos could have been used to dowse for water?

At the time of this ban, international reports had to explain to people just what the toy was. It was an invention commonly known as the bandalore, according to dictionaries at the time, and had been called a “quiz” in England.

Which would make yo-yo tricksters bandalorians.

You may be tempted to laugh at the confused holy men. But shortly after the ban went into effect, the rains returned, so the holy men got the last laugh.

And this, folks, is exactly why we need to avoid confusing correlation with causation, or to think that because you took skunk oil and your cold symptoms lessened, it was the skunk oil that lessened your cold symptoms.

4. Germany Banned the Game ‘Risk,’ Saying It Would Induce Feelings of Militarism

That would be like the US banning Monopoly because it would induce feelings of capitalism.

3. The BBC Banned Desk Lamps

Writers with lamps would pen “smut” and “innuendo,” warned the book, inspired by the light into producing “furtive” and “degenerative” programs.

Hm... *searches Amazon for desk lamps*

2. China Banned Videos of Eating Bananas

Speaking of smut and innuendo.

In time, we came upon further banana videos that — while not porn, by any conventional definition — were so erotic that we refuse to embed them here.

I'm sure we can find them ourselves.

1. A Town Banned All Concerts When a Neighboring Lot ‘Accidentally’ Booked Rage Against the Machine

If the band performed as planned, people might be able to hear the lyrics all the way in town, residents complained, which would inspire in them all kinds of corrupt thoughts. Or maybe the thousands of concertgoers would descend upon the town and riot.

Worse, someone might... dance. Quelle horreur! After all, you know why Baptist teens aren't allowed to have sex? Because it might lead to dancing.

(Yes, I know the incident in question took place in Utah, better known for LDS than Baptists, but it's a joke.)