Complex Numbers

Biggerer

Another Cracked article, once again illustrating the randomness of my random number generator; I have far more links from other sources.

    5 Things Getting Bigger When No One’s Looking  

I am resisting the obvious joke. Resisting with all my might. Resisting hard, you might say. Can this article also resist?

You turn around and see something behind you. Later, you turn around again, and it’s bigger now. This means either it’s following you, or it has physically grown in size.

Or both. Why not both?

5. Spiders

You'll want to click on the link for the illustration of what a spider might look like.

Bigger spiders help cities, since bigger spiders can gobble more bugs. They also serve as more food for birds. Of course, any change in the food web can spark unpredictable consequences, and spiders eating too many bugs or feeding too many birds could be disastrous, but a thorough analysis of the side effects leads the scientists to conclude that, yes, giant spiders are good news, everyone.

Spider-like typing detected.

4. Eyes

Including spider eyes?

One part of your body grows for your entire life. We’re not talking about fat — many parts of your body grow when you eat more, but one part grows regardless.

Almost did the obvious. Almost.

We have one single confirmed example of an organ that grows, forever. It’s the lens of your eye. Each lens grows by 1.38 milligrams a year, and while that sounds like nothing, we have to take into account just how small lenses are to begin with. Between early adulthood and when you die, you can expect each lens to double in size.

Unless, of course, you get off the growth treadmill by having cataract surgery. Which reminds me, it's been two years now.

3. Finland

As sea levels rise, countries all over the world have to reckon with losing some land. This loss will range from an inconvenience to apocalyptic.

Nah, they'll just redefine the border as being 100 yards out from shore.

Finland is an exception. Finland gains 7 square kilometers (3 square miles) a year. No, it’s not because they’re so militant about combatting climate change that they’ve somehow convinced the sea to recede. They’re instead experiencing a phenomenon called post-glacial rebound.

The opposite of shrinkage?

2. Breasts

...

...

...

I'm sorry, did you say something?

1. Zoo Animals

Maybe the animals are under the influence of endocrine-disrupting chemicals, or maybe they’ve been infected with some obesity-causing virus. Maybe that’s also why we’re getting fatter, rather than the traditional explanation of overeating.

But that explanation offends puritans, who are certain that everything from obesity to climate change is our fault because we've sinned.

And there it is... the whole article and my commentary, without the obvious joke. I feel shafted.