what matters and why

you

Too many drinks tonight, four cape cods and a glass of wine. His family came over and we celebrated mother's day, which I do realize was 2 wks ago, but what does that matter, it's the thought that counts and he did all the cooking. He's drunk also and passed out on the bed. We had such a great time, we have such a great life, why do I let little things bother me so much. I look back and wonder why I complain about stupid s*** that doesn't matter. He's been everything for so long, I don't want anything else. What could a mother want more than a perfect father to their children. And he is all that and more. Someone who is supportive of me in every way, who loves me unconditionally, who has not fallen out of step once through all that we've gone thru together. Someone who accepts all my weaknesses as they are, no questions asked, someone who needs me as much as I need him, and I don't know why, because there are times when I am impossible. Considering our circumstances, the chances of us making it, it looks bleak, and most would have given up long ago, yet we've made, through the worst and not only have we made it, but we laugh together, we're happy together, I keep expecting my perfect world to come crashing down in front of me and it's still going strong. But it's not me who's keeping it together, it's him, I don't contribute enough, I'm not enough, I think he's doing all the work, and I'm only along for the ride, and the day that he realizes he'll be gone, and then what.
Maybe there is such a thing as too good to be true. He is that person.
If so, why isn't it as I'd imagined? Why are there issues unresolved, things that I haven't dealt with? Why is something else still on my mind and why can't I stop wondering what might have been? It was so long ago, at a different time when I was a different person, I just wonder if it's the same. If I'm not forgotten.