Murder Scenes that make you laugh

Genitals in a Cheese Fondue

so lets talk about the weekend. Friday and Saturday were complete wastes. Becky is a crackhead, Jessica is a flake, and Justin is easily lost and very susceptible to sex (but who isnt, he's really a pro, but im going to pretend for a moment that he did something wrong) *NAIL HER TO THE WALL MAN!* jk. well, not really. Anywho...

Yesterday was a complete Triumph for Austin and I. As i stated in last week's ending journal entry, we were going to go to Poison the Well. And we did. It was beautiful.

Let me give you a run down of the day. I wake up, and im sleeping next to my girlfriend. She just dyed her hair, and i must say, she is completely gorgeous laying next to me half naked. So i admired her for a while (info on gf can be found in "Drowning in a Breath of a Moment", so any of you bastards that read it and wondered about the pickles, yeah, its a true story). We eventually got up after several hours of staying in bed, rolling around, making out, some tickling and too much flirting that even her dog had to leave. Eventually, i had to go cause i was getting Jessica at one and i had gotten up at 8 in the morning...heh.

I get home, call up Austin, then i receive a note from my grandma saying that jessi isnt going to poison the well. Call up jessi she says, "Im going to TOOL next week, and Im signing up for college tomorrow." my exact thoughts, "what does that have to do with today?" So i let it slide by. I call up Becky the Crackhead, (whom im i love more than life cause she is like my female best friend, a bit too adventurous at times but, shes great yeah) and she decided to hang out with me and Austin, cause she had just woken up. We chilled, went to Savers (think shittier TJ Max), a crappy clothing store, and Austin bought himself a red and black plaid sleeveless vest. He's such a lumberjack now, especially with the aviation goggles on. We drop by Jessica's house to make sure she doesnt want to go, she went over to tony's (the most incoherant, drugged out person i know who couldnt function in any social gathering let alone one on one, cause he has done so much shit in his life. We asked him if he did crack, and he didnt deny it, and of all people, Jessica, the straightedger, i swear to god, she has the hots for him. Robin Williams would let Tony borrow a personality and it would wither and die in his hands. I guess Jessi isnt as straightedge as we thought). The thing that bugs me, is that she lied to me, instead of saying she was going to hang out with Tony. Cause, i had been planning this for a few days, told her i was taking her, just basically ready and she gives me this bullshit on the phone and then goes over to Tony's for some hot sex. Aren't you betraying the contract between you and Austin, Jessi? Wasn't there some underlying chemistry of sexual primal urge that we missed out on, that only Austin could provide? No no, i was mistaken, a crackhead has so much more to offer.

We get to my house, and i decide to change for the concert, i put on a pair of blue jean overalls, and a white shirt. I tuck the leggings of the pant, inside my artillary boots (zipper on the inside, 4 buckles on the outside, leather, black, evil) and i look like a neo nazi. Good, cause im going to a hardcore show. We beg becky to go, but she denys, we eat over at her house (the veggie burger has given me stomach cramps today) and i play some solitare and get kicked out of her house. Me and Austin then leave for Poison the Well. We arrive at Fitzgeralds, go up stairs and hear the first band from Ontario Canada. Obviously they suck, they're from Canada. Then out comes Shadow's Fall. A mix of Testament, Iced Earth with Hatebreed. I was amazed. The mosh pit was kinda evil. The lead singer had DREDS, down to his knees. He was swinging them around, i was like "HOLY SHIT!" and they were a great band. Then poison the well came out, and someone starting smoking pot somewhere near me (there's irony in that cause Poison the Well is straightedge). They played a few, amazing fucking songs, and they sound better live, then Austin went into the pit with Miguel (my old lead singer for like 2 days, i love the guy still). I saw Austin get in on the edge, get pushed once, right after he entered the pit, and land completely on the other side of the room. Think like 30 feet or so. Then he went under....literally. Miguel, cause dood is like 5'2". He just went under. I prayed for them, but i know god hated me so i didnt want to instigate any trouble that might cause my friend serious injury, or me for that matter. Austin came back hurting of course, *shakes a fist at the sky*, but thats a given. We left, went to the loft.

I wrote a new song, Justin was supposed to show up, but flaked out like Jessica. He said he got lost, i think he got lost in a bush. Props. Then me and Austin brought the toilet up that we yoinked from Becky's front yard previously. We decorated it some, and left it for the band to enjoy the next time they go up there. We went to cabana and ate like kings, went home and slept. And I am now, in pain, writing this. I am a GOD. Jessica, Becky, Gerardo, and Justin can all go fuck themselves, cause last night was the greatest night ive had in a while.

moving onto another quick subject. the lady who doesnt believe in stairs. She's huge, as in fat. Like she could be beached anywhere she sits. Youd have to lift her chins to make the whale calls into actually audible human sounds of language. She told me, she doesnt believe in stairs. Lady, you're handicapped cause you're so fucking fat. I would believe in stairs like christians believe in Jesus. It's your savior!

Dead Dog Lying in a Ditch, Cigarette Smoker's Got An Itch.