A peek at the REAL Thumbster

December 9th, 2002.

For the time being...I'm going to keep adding to entry #22...changing the date if there's anything new...WHY?... I'm not sure why...maybe I have a phobia with the number 23...maybe I'll just cram this entry so full with stuff that it comes crashing down on top of all the other entries underneath it...By the way...I'm goin' ta mix up new stuff among the old stuff too......Why?... I'm not sure why...maybe I'm just evil......maybe it's just a lame excuse for me to start creating some new little smiley faces......(thanks Terry )...so if you don't like it...blame Terry ...see what you've started girl :)

I've been having trouble sending emails out the last few days. The cyber gremlins...for whatever reason...have been picking on my emails to one person in particular. It's so %&%*&#*$@#@(&$^ aggravating. I don't plan on writing long epic emails everytime I write to her...but it's happened again...and I tried to save this last one too...just to be sure.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I've never been a big fan of casual love, one night stands or vacation flings. They can be tempting...VERY tempting at times...but they're like cold soup...cold sex...no names...no caring...all groping...no holding...instant pleasure...instant regrets...no memories.

I'm a memories kinda guy.

This entry will be all over the place...like how I've been feeling just lately. There are no hidden messages...just me over here...then over there...then back where ever.

I got to see the double episodes of The Amazing Race the other night...Isn't that AMAZING? :) Just lately I've been missing that show for one reason or another. I actually got to see a few places that last show that I've been to...neat. I was so impressed with one of the couples...John "Vito" and Jill (the couple that just got eliminated) They were so supportive towards each other...especially Jill. They kept calling each other "Sweetie" while other teams were losing it and finding fault with each other. I'd like someone that supportive in my life too. I never get envious about other's possessions...but sometimes towards other guy's mates. Nobody's perfect...Everyone has their faults...but some guys have all the luck...as Rod Stewart would say.

I've decided to let my little inner voice guide me...my guardian angel...my Jiminy Cricket...for awhile at least. I feel that bug should be listened to just lately. I had to look up how to spell "Jiminy"...I don't know anyone or anything else named "Jiminy". I just remembered "Jiminy Gliche"...or "Glich"...I'm not sure how it's spelled...I'm a terrible speller.

I'm not used to words...and all their nuances and innuendos. Most of the folks here are much more articulate than me. They've been writing for years and most dream of making their living as a writer. I'm always having to look up words...either for their spelling or their proper meaning.

Since I've been writing...I now realize that my art...paintings and sculptures...really reflect very little of who I am or my values. They're definiately not spontaneous. Writing is like pure creative freedom to me. Write it...post it...done. It's immediate. That doesn't mean it's good...but it is fun. Fun counts for a lot in my world.

I've always been a dreamer...probably one of my best qualities...also one of my worst. Dreamers don't have to complain or be depressed...they just dream their troubles away...but there's always the danger of spending too much of their lives in dreamland. Dreaming doesn't pay the bills.

I've got very contradictory values. Life is precious...but there are too many of us. Bills are very important...but money isn't. I once turned up for my first day at a new job...tie still in my pocket...I hate ties...I was starting a good paying managment job...listening about profit sharing and company benifits but I had to stop the company president in midsentence because life in a tie just wasn't me. I took another job that very day...working part time in a warehouse...so I would have time for my art...at a fraction of what I would have earned in the tie job. I don't regret it.

I don't regret dropping out of university just days before it was to start. I was just going because some of my friends were. I took an a art course at a community college instead. Those were very happy years for me.

Three years ago I was addicted to working out...I had been for a good 5 years...I had done some exercising since grade ten when I was a skinny 138 lb kid. I kept at it...off and on...but for some reason one day I decided to devote a lot more time and effort to it. I got to the point where I was working out at least 2 hours every day of the year...except Christmas Day. I went from doing 19,481 chin ups alone in a year to 6,576 so far this year. I've toned it down. Guys pumping iron can get quite vain...always checking themselves out in any mirror. The Gary from then would never dream of reading or writing poetry. I haven't done a chin up in the last 2 days...I don't want to quit and get over weight...I must refocus.

I bought a cinnamon coffee cake the other day...I don't think I've ever bought a cinnamon coffee cake before and the thing was hollow in the middle...like a donut...but I couldn't tell in the store because there was a label over the top of the see through packaging. I don't know if ALL cinnamon coffe cakes are donut shaped or if that store was just ripping people off.

I may have lost a good friend at a meeting I attended last night ...I don't have a lot of friends...we had went together. She spoke first...very passionately...then me. I'm not the best public speaker in the world...I used to be very comfortable doing that kinda thing...but not last night.

If I could trade my talents...the couple that I do excell at...to be talented as a musician...I would. Music is the only thing that completely mystifies me. I've tried to learn to play the guitar. Frets and fingers never worked together to get the sounds I was looking for. I envy those folks who can "play by ear". I love music. As a young buck that was number one with me. Music...cars...and girls. In that order too. I tried to go to all my idol's concerts. I dreamt of being onstage too. Instead...the things I'm really good at...are usually done alone...(That makes me sound like some kinda pervert doesn't it? ) I once painted in the center court of the busiest mall in my province. That was quite an experience. People telling me they love this or that piece of art I've created or something I've written will never compete with people dancing to a song you've written and performed. I'd like to try writing songs with somebody...that would be so cool. The music side is beyond me...but the lyrics I might be good at.

My toes are cold...all my toes...not just my favorite ones. If it was just the so-so ones...the ho-hum ones...I probably wouldn't have mentioned it...but seeing as it's one or two of the special ones...I'd thought I'd say something.

I better go.

I've got a lot of shovelling to do...incidentally...I don't mind shovelling...not a big fan of mowing the lawn...but shovelling is relaxing.

Catchya later.

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