Life as we know it sucks

Do not question whopops

WHOPOPS!




Current mood: content

Current music: Come original - 311

The inevitable urge to meet Jacob is driving me insane. I want to see him in the flesh, where I can reach out and touch him. Where he can reach out to caress me. To hold me. To kiss me. He wants to see me too. Just as badly as I do even.

Why did I question my love? I love him. I wouldn't be able to tell him otherwise. I wouldn't be smiling all the time. I wouldn't trust him. I'm so stupid sometimes.

I had this sort of dream where he picked Kelly over me. He forced me to tell him about my dream, so I did. And later on, I asked him if he would ever reject me. And he said no. I found it so sweet.

And then, out of no where he was like, "I wuv my Hiwawy." His Hilary, huh? I want a guy like him. I don't have him. I may never "get" him, per say. He could always be just out of reach. And it would kill me. But, what would kill me is if he really did reject me. How incredibly painful. Can you imagine? I mean, gees, that's gotta scar you. It practically scars me just thinking about it.

"I love the way you love me, but I hate the way I'm suppose to love you back"

That's silverchair. They rock hard! I'm in love with Jacob and I hate that I questioned it. And let my friends take part in my feelings. It should be between no one but he and I. I just want to tell the whole world, but the world doesnt care. Like I said, his appearance and distance aren't barriers to my love for him. The only way there can be barriers is if I make them. I can make his appearance a barrier if my superficiality kicks in. But I won't let it. I refuse. I want to love him. And I want him to love me back. And I shouldn't question that either...