Life as we know it sucks

I'm not easy

current mood: hmm, not sure...

current song: Should I stay or Should I Go - The Clash

Have you ever been so happy with one person, but pissed off at the same time? I was on the internet talking to Ben yesterday. He wants me to fuck him so badly. Actually, he probably wants to fuck anything that moves. Sorry, Ben, but you don't know how angry I've been and hurt over your sorry ass. If you'd paid any attention to the fact that I liked you so much before, then maybe there would be a chance in hell for sex with you. But, you didn't. And, really, you lost your chance basically. But you have no idea what you meant to me. What you still mean to me. You're one of a kind, buddy. But you will never recognize my feelings for what they are. You've got a lot to learn about the female sex.

Enough about him.

Jacob is my life and I shouldn't make him to be that because once he is gone, there is no life for me. Hence, once he is gone, I will die. The life, my soul, will be killed. My entire will for living will be over. I dunno if I could handle heartbreak from him. So, hopefully I'll never have to. I would basically do anything for him.

...I have only felt this way one other time in my life. Yea, you guessed it...With Matt. Yes, I would have done anything for him. I would have had sex with him at one point if thta would get him back. Anything. Anything that would have given me the only thing I cared about. But, now, my love for him is dwindling away. I'm not the least bit remorseful. I've been waiting and waiting for this day for 7 months. Alas, it is come. He is draining out of my life.