trapped in a soap opera

so complicated

dammit, will anything in my life ever make sense????? I guess i just need to resign myself to the fact that it won't.

SHorter things first--i guess ill find out tonight or tomorrow whether or not shannon is goin to call

I got an e-mail from Jeremy yesterday--that was really weird--he'll go forever without talkin to me then just call or e-mail out of the blue--not really sayin anything though-=-just like Jeremy (guy i dated in sept in OK--REALLY HOT).

Ok, now---on to Perk. This is goin to take a while cause everything is so crazy with him and im so confused. we had agreed after the other night that we would just get to know each other as friends, and maybe have sex every once in a while. well we shot that all to hell last night. (Gonna have trouble gettin Greg to believe this) We spend till 6 this morn, talking and kissing and touching--shit like that--no sex--it became emotional. We have connected unbelievably--but i dont want the relationship thing right now. I would cheat on him. besides most of my other relationships started out kinda like this--then changed into SHIT. So im kinda cynical when it comes to love and relationships and all that jazz right now. I dont think im capable of giving myself like that again right now--just too scarred--got to heal a little. Its just that so far he has been as close to what i want in a guy (except for the looks--hes kinda plain) as ive ever met. We talked a lot though--acknowledged that it want turning otu to be what we were tryin to categorize it--but that neither of us really is in a position right now to be in a relationship. We just decided to see how it goes try to be friends until we both decide we are ready for something else--until then we're not together, maybe to some degree in private--but we're allowed to date other people and shit. We also agreed to be honest with each other whatever is going on. I think this is going to fall into the fucked up complicated relationship category HA HA. Anyway--who ever accused me of having a boring life--thats what its called "trapped in a soap opera". well im hungry and tired so thats all for now folks