trapped in a soap opera

wahoo

sorry for the title my brain still hasnt kicked in. perk just left, we had sex for the first time in a few weeks. i guess theres a lot i need to say just dont know if i will.

guess first off i should mention that im over the whole perk thing, i thought about it a lot and pretty much just talked myself out of it. we have a good thing, and to try to change it i think would fuck things up. both of us would probably fuck it up if we actually called it a relationship--it sounds weird but ya know what? its what works for us so no one else has to understand it. he admitted to going back and forth like i have, but he came to the same conclustions i did. it also helped that ive barely seen him for a few weeks, so ive had a lil time to unattach a lil bit. i dont think things will really go back to the way they were. hes about to be done with school, and is going to be staying with gregs mom this summer, so the amount of time ill get to spend with him--sleeping over and shit is pretty much going to end. oh well i guess i need to get used to it since were going our separate ways.

ummm went out to the moose fri night, finally got my freakin tax check in--kept seeing this really cute guy, and he looked vaguely familiar, but i couldnt figure out how the hell i knew him. well James and his bunch were there--including a guy named montana that was kinda cute, but we just didnt really hit it off that much. anyway, so the story is apparently james knew the guy (they drill together in the national guard) but he was kinda by our table. i finaly went up to him and asked his name, he told me, but i still didnt knwo who the fuck he was. well this other guy that i used to party with when arthur and i were getting together was there and talking to him. i asked the second guy his name cause i coudnt remember--blaine. well we started talkin about those parties and shit and finally gary (the cute guy) was like "do you know victor?" oh shit.....one of my one night things a while back....anyway hes like didnt rocky and i take you to victors one night. i was like oh my god youre THAT gary. he had changed so much. when i knew him before he was about 40 lbs lighter (could be the whole crank problem he had at the time), kinda nasty, and annoying as hell (that night he annoyed the shit out of me hitting on me and trying to take me home). i could not believe the changes. he has apparently joined the national guard, gained some weight (in a good way) and just overall cleaned up. even his personality has changed, the first night like i said he annoyed the shit out of me, fri night he didnt even attempt to take me home and only barely tried to kiss me (kinda played a joke on me to do it LOL) i mean like a 1 sec kiss. anyway, i gave him my number, but he hasnt called, he came by the store today though. he looked like had just gotten up, a lil more like the guy i used to know ha ha. i could see the connection today, but all fri night i could not even believe thats who he was. i could dance with him too--that means so far him and my friend shawn are the only ones--ive never been able to dance with anyone else very well. perk says he can be a jerk but on well perk is biased, besides so am i. and its not like im gonna marry him. hell, he has to call first LOL. hes moving back to batesville in about 2 wks hes living in jonesboro right now. anyway enough about that till i actually have something to say about it. who knows if ill even ever see him again (though i probably will even if its just at the store or the moose) anyway got to head to bed.