trapped in a soap opera

some interesting new developments

as always--where to begin...well gary and i finally hooked up. we went to see X2 last night. it was a pretty good movie. hes a comic buff just like John was, but that doesnt bother me. its actually kinda cool cause he was able to explain parts of the movie to me, that i wouldnt have otherwise understood. anyway, so we went to see the movie, then decided to head out to the moose and have a few beers. well that ended up turning into almost closing it down (at 3:30), then he brought me back to my house. we sat out in the truck and talked and made out until 5. I had a lot of fun--i felt like i was in high school again LOL. anyway i had to be at work at 7 today and work a 10 hr shift so im payin for it now. trying to decide if it was worth it. ya'll got to hear all about it cause the only other person i talk to is perk and i cant tell him the whole "dont ask dont tell" policy we have about dating other ppl. gary had to march in a parade, then do some PR recruiting shit for the national guard yesterday, and had his beret on all day so his face is beet red up until just above his eyes then its white. its hilarious. i had to pick on him about it all night.

anyway not sure what to think of all this. of course we all know how jaded i am, how i dont want to be in a relationship and how i really dont believe a word ppl say. so...we seem to get along really well (he does some things that annoy the shit out of me but overall seems really cool), we talked on the phone for a hour tonight. he called cause it was storming like hell and he loves storms. course i was taking a nap after last night's events but it was ok, we had fun talking. i really like him, not sure where this is going, or where i want it to go or anything. its driving me nuts. i know that we are really comfortable around each other, even as little time as weve spent together (oh yeah we met fri night at the moose too, but i managed to leave at 2 that night could be cause both of us had to work at 7--i did kiss him that night though--well we kissed each other anyway). i give him shit he gives it back, even talking and kissing and shit last night was fun--he didnt get upset when wed be kissing and id have some silly thing to say wed both just laugh and start over again. yeah, comfortable is the word. hes a really good kisser too ;) it seems like hes bein straight with me, but i am never 100% sure. damit i just dont know what to think. maybe this is one of those things that i just need to wait and see how it goes. not too good at that though, when i do it that way, my natural tendencies tend to predominate. its hard being like i am. im naturally very loving and trusting, but im so fuckin jaded that those two parts of me are always at war. maybe thats why i can never make up my mind and keep bouncing back and forth. who knows? anyway im not online right now mom had to use the phone so i need to make a copy of this in word or somethin just in case when i log back on it doesnt work.

on another note--the evanescence concert was really good. the first two bands sucked but the rest was cool. they didnt sing my favorite but i didnt figure they would. perk graduated yesterday but i didnt get to go because i had to work and those dorks made the ceremony at 930am. i really havent talked or hung out with perk much lately--hes just been so busy with shit. hes moving out of his house tongiht--he called and wants me to stay with him, obviously not to have sex (since my cycle is all fucked up right now--why couldnt that damn shot have dont what it did a few years ago when i took it and eliminated that whole period thing--oh well), but he wants to "catch up" im wondering what im going to catch him up on since all of the shit ive been doing had to do with work or guys. well see how this goes. im ready to go to bed right now, and he hasnt called yet--if its goin to be 12 i dont know that i can stay up that long.
anyway i guess i need to enter this and call him to find out.
later