Personal Journal

Not Writing

I’m not really enthused about beginning a journal entry today.
I’m disappointed in myself because I haven’t made it a requirement to write. I haven’t written anything except bad journal entries and bad opinions in the last week to 10 days. That piece about Cathy really could be good, but it would be hard, and I’m afraid to tackle it, so I just table it in my mind and think to myself “when the spirit moves me.” And there are things I could do to make the spirit move me, but I haven’t done them. And I’m mad at myself, that fluttering feeling that my goals aren’t dreams, they’re fantasies.
<sigh>
Alright, so what am I going to do about it? I don’t know right now. I want to write that piece, but I need a bit of secure space to do that, and secure space doesn’t exist at work for that kind of writing (it’s NC-17). Secure space at home is difficult to come by right now because Jean’s mom is visiting, and so I’m more or less on an itenerary. I must be the host. Man, I hate having company. I realize how straining it is for me, just Jean’s mom. I don’t like having others in my house, bring me back to that whole notion of internal compromise, being myself, whatnot. But no point thinking about that too much; I’m not segregated, life’s not that difficult. I’m just “on duty” while she’s here.
So that campfire piece is stretching on, a couple more bad pieces. Some humorous typos, though, Hunter turned rouge, that was funny. Poor bastards, can’t they edit their damn work? Sloppy. Sloppy writing is bad writing, no question about it. I understand that stuff has to be written sometimes, very quickly. But you set it down and look over it a day after your writing spasm is complete. Put some distance between you and the piece and be as objective as you can, at least that way you can take out the bullshit like rogue/rouge misspellings.

So yeah, maybe I should spend a little time this morning writing for the new campfire I wish to join. Well, make. I’m not doing anything else, and frankly, I really don’t want to think about reality right now.


It is never too late to be what you might have been. -- George Eliot
Courage to start and willingness to keep everlasting at it are the requisites for success. -- Alonzo Newton Benn