trapped in a soap opera

catchin up, and i dont know what to do

Ok background of whats been happening--Joe and i had sex the next week after brett picked me up and took me over to the house. kinda regretted it cause i felt bad for brett, and because i dont like having meaningless sex with guys i actually like. that having been said--brett and i kinda hooked up the next night (just kissed and stuff) and have been talking ever since. Hes cute, and nice and i do like him--but if youve read any of this freakin journal you know that i am not really ready to get into another relationship. he really likes me so i dont know what to do. on a second note hes barely 19 so itll be 2 yrs before i can take him anywhere--that doesnt matter so much though. I just dont know how to handle this--i could play along but i dont think it would be fair to go out with him, knowing that im not going to put much into it. that, and he knows i slept with one of his friends (he teases me about it) so its kinda weird anyway. had a webcam the other night while i was on spring break and was kinda gettin wild for him on the phone and on the cam. yes i was drunk but i wasnt blacked out--its just so much easier for the exhibitionist in me to come out when the person is miles away. i told him that i was upset that he wasnt there with me because i was horny and wanted to fuck him. Ok we all know that i dont have much of a sex drive but at the time i did dammit--and now i dont knwo what to do with that either cause now he thinks im dying to have sex with him. why can i never have anything normal LOL--well its cause i do stupid things but oh well.

much more to tell about spring break but im about to head out (i think waiting on a call from alicia)
later