My True Soul

Apathy perhaps?

It's so weird to me right now, I don't really feel bad or good. I just feel like I'm here. I should be reading History. I always should be doing more. I wonder where all my energy went, I wonder where all my determination went. Maybe I do still have it, or else, I woulda just given up totally, right?

I told my mom about making an A on my history exam...she said she was proud of me, why? Because she said if it had of been her she wouldn't have tried after the first exam and due to his attitude. She would have tried enough to get a passing grade in his class and that would have been it...not tried to get a better grade. All my grades, thus far, have been much better since my 1st exam. My mom always tells me I have much more patience than she does...perhaps...and more tolerance. Whenever someone challenges me, I seem to do better. Although, with him, I hate how he challenges me.

I could have went to a party on Saturday, I didn't. I could go to a meeting on Tuesday, but it's the last one and I have a psychology test to study for. I feel kinda weird going to only one meeting and it being the last one.

And now, as I sit here, I feel totally zoned out...and I wonder if things are real... heh. Perhaps it was reading all the personality disorders? Yeah. It reminded me of the fact I've cut myself twice in... I don't even know the time period...2 weeks? I don't normally do that. Lately? Punish myself for doing stupid stuff. Yeah, one of those was from Tuesday of last week. Meh, it's almost gone now. *shakes head* Kinda funny, I read the pysch stuff, I sit in class, hear all these things about what it means, how one shouldn't, yet... I basically deny that I do it - to myself. Yeah. Great strategy. I figure eventually, things will work out for the better.

Joby told me he'd had an emotional breakdown. Shorty's stressed out. Eric's stressed out. I'm sure Kat's at least somewhat stressed out. Seems like everyone is stressed out or not feeling good lately. Except for Critter. Maybe it's something in the air?

That was all yesterday. ^^^^^ all that.

Today, I feel better, but alas, I have to go study for like.. the next 6 hours. I'm gonna go to the gas station and pick up some... drinks and some junk food. The library is gonna be crammed... hrm, I don't know where else to go tho...oh well. If it's too bad, I'll come back here and just lock myself in a room for a couple of hours at a time.

I keep thinking that Schizophrenia is really something I'm interested in... it captivates me, makes me curious, keeps me interested. I think I should find out more about it and what's being done with it. Perhaps something in that field?

It's really an odd thing when you talk to 2 people born on the same birthday a year apart and you're able to talk openly with both of them. It makes you wonder if it's that birthday? Hrm, the possibilities.

I must write Rach tonight, yes. I'll do that when I'm at the library. Oh goodness, I have so much stuff to gather just to go to the library. I have to get my psych book and notes, my history syallbus, all my anthro notes, and perhaps my english lit book and all my poetry stuff.