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I Hate This Entry (Updated)

I didn't realize how many items I had here until I started copying and saving them. In a few more days my port will be down to 5 items and no pics. It's going to look quite different but it's probably best I won't be upgrading.

I noticed some entries on veedoubleu's Nothing forum had to do with spanking. "Invalid Item"  I was gonna respond in her forum but I got sidetracked and now those posts are buried under heaps of other nonspanking related posts. It seemed most people, if not all, were in favour of spanking and didn't see the harm in it.

I also was brought up with spanking and I even spanked my guys on ocassion when they were very young. That was before I actually thought about it. When I did, I made my mind up not to spank my guys and never did again.

I know it's VERY hard not to spank, especially if provoked but I believe it sends the wrong message. It shows the child you've lost control. From an early age you've introduced violence as an option in a child's mind. I think a child learns it's okay to hit in order to get someone to obey you. Might is right. Do as I say or I'll hurt you. The level of trust isn't the same either. If someone pisses me off in the mall I don't wack him upside the head. I didn't hit people who didn't follow the rules when I used to lifeguard either. I know...a child may not be able to understand properly, but they certainly understand when someone they love causes them pain. I believe it's better for someone to want to please you instead of being threatened into it. Catching more flies with honey kinda thing.

I believe violence leads to more violence. I'm not talking about an instintive wack to a 3 year old's backside who was about to run in front of an oncoming car but a wack because a 10 year old wasn't eating up their carrots fast enough. That kind of thing.

Hitting is instant (usually). A quick fix. "Stop that!" Wack! End of story. But where do you draw the line? Say your child is misbehaving in a store. You warn him/her but they still act up. Do you spank them there? If not, why not? Do you feel guilty for spanking in public? "Just wait until I get you home." How about if a teacher spanks your child because he or she was being bad? How about a nieghbour? How about a complete stranger? Same child. Same naughty behaviour. Why isn't it tolerable for complete strangers to hit our children then? "They're my kids and I'll treat them how I see fit."

What one person might call a spanking another might call a beating. I believe it was the Romans who came up with "the rule of thumb" to limit what a father could use to beat his wife and children with. Nothing bigger across than his thumb. That was to discourage overzealous (and devoted) fathers from wacking off their loved one's heads with baseball bats and such. (Okay...so they didn't have baseball bats back then but you know what I mean) Women and especially children had few rights. Is it okay for a father to use a stick the size of his thumb across to discipline his children with? Father knows best right? Like mine did when he'd whip off his belt and lay into my brother and I whenever we were bad. I know that was the norm back then. That's how he had been raised. Children should be seen and not heard. Step out of line, get dad pissed off and you could end up with great big welts across your bare butt from his belt or buckle. I also remember getting "the strap" in school. A nasty foot long, black, thick implement with tiny ridges like a file. It was meant to threaten us into obeying and when that failed, to make an example for the others.

My dad finally stopped "spanking" when my mum had had enough. It was probably only then that he realized what he was really doing. Years later he broke down and apologized to my brother and me. That was the only time I can recall him ever saying he was sorry for anything. That was another thing his generation was taught. Never say you're sorry. It's a sign of weakness. Never say "I love you" either. They should know it already right?

With the help of my ex, I realized there had to be a better way to raise our guys without phyiscally hurting them. Hopefully one day when they have kids, they'll teach them there are other ways to enforce the rules without hitting.

I hate preachy entries like this.


Update

Sherri wrote me a long email with her views on this topic. As I was replying to her I realized there was a bit more I wanted to add, so I've copied and pasted a portion of my reply below.


Hi Sherri Q

I truly don't like posting "preachy" entries, but it was the first time in ages I felt like writing. I also wrote that entry in the wee hours. Not a good time to be logical. I was tempted to delete it completely until I read your email. Hopefully I didn't come across as being some kind of premissive, "turn a blind eye" kinda pansy. I STRONGLY believe in discipline. Rules have to be set AND enforced if only for the good of your children. I think a parent that lets their child do whatever they want to do is definitely taking the easiest way out and is doing a terrible job of preparing their kids for the world. It's only in the method of enforcing those rules and what kind of message hurting the ones you love sends to them that I disagree with some people.

When I was young and "getting the belt", I was a terrible little shit. It's a wonder I didn't grow up to be some kind of really cruel bastard. Back then I was everything I now detest. A bully to anything weaker than myself and a coward to anything stronger. For fun I'd take a can of Raid into the back yard to see what I could kill. One of our neighbour's cats used to be scared to death to see me coming. That kind of crap went on for sometime before another neighbour, (in another apartment, in another country) caught me torturing some JuneBugs and asked me why I was doing it? It really made me sit up and realize how sick it was to get enjoyment out of another creature's pain. Right from day one I tried to teach my guys to respect life...in all it's forms and treat others how they'd like to be treated. Live and let live. I really love that saying.



I still hate this entry.






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