Personal Journal

Two Moms

I'm not sure what all I repeated about my Mom after I lost that journal entry yesterday.
Jean pegged my mom. "She's nice, but she has no warmth about her." Exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself. My mom is generous, and nice, but she doesn't laugh, express humor at all. She complains about everything in the world, illegal immigrants, corrupt politicians, bastards she works with.
She is the most negative human being I know in the world.
What was striking was this: She refuses to touch my cats. I have fourteen cats in the house - it's a bit of a calling, you see. And my cats could sit within 3 inches of her and my mom would not acknowledge their presence in any manner.
One of my cats even got into her lap on the last day, and my mom refused to pet it. She just folded her arms in her chest and the cat remained in her lap.
That's fucking inhuman, man!
My mom said to Jean while I was at work yesterday, something along these lines "My son is a magnificent human being, but I haven't spent 30 days with him in the last 20 years." Again, mostly true. I spent 30 days with her in 1990 when I got out of the army, but that was the last long stretch.

I believe in life that negative people and negativity in general is to be avoided. I admit to not liking my mom, in general, and most of the time I don't remember why. This time I remembered why. I spent the entire 5 days she was here on my guard. Uneasy. And Jean too. And when we dropped her off at the airport, there was a sense of relief that I should probably feel guilty about, but I don't, because the weight was so heavy, and I didn't realize it until it was gone. I hope I don't have her back in the near future...

My mom is a hidden biggot. I don't know when this sprang up or from what source, but she is so terribly judgemental on ANY non-western European culture. I hate it! Occasionally I'll call her on it, but not as often as I wish I would. I guess I see no point in arguing with her about it. She's 70. But it makes me ashamed of her, and I am ashamed of her.

Jean's mom flies in this afternoon, and I'm looking quite forward to it. Jean's mom has a sense of humor. Jean's mom laughs and laughs freely. She doesn't talk bad about people, except to say how annoying her neighbor is to always come over uninvited.

Two wildly different women from the same generation - one I'm happy to be around, one I wish I didn't ever have to see again.

It is never too late to be what you might have been. -- George Eliot
Courage to start and willingness to keep everlasting at it are the requisites for success. -- Alonzo Newton Benn