Life as we know it sucks

Forgiveness and Stuff

Current Mood: still don't know

Current Music: none

You know, I wish I were as excited about my life as I am getting a new diary or a new pair of shoes. I wish I loved myself as mushc as all these material items. *sigh* But I really don't. Not this time.

Sure, I have a loving boyfriend and his family loves me and so on . . . but I'm just not satisfied with myself and how everything with Christopher turned out to be. I mean, I wish he had kept his promise or he didn't hate me or he didn't feel the need to flirt with Ashton right in front of me. You know what? It doesn't even matter anymore! It's over! There's nothing I can do! He doesn't want to make up and that's quite obvious. I don't know why I continue to dwell on this. On how much shit (bad shit, might I add) that I've caused. *sigh* That's what I have to get over. The bad things I did to that poor boy. I may never be able to forgive myself and it looks like he'll never be able to forgive me either.

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"I love you" is only 8 letters . . . then again, so is "bullshit."