trapped in a soap opera

what the hell DO i want anyway

Well this week-end was nuts...went to memphis with Kat. If I ever say that I'll do that again without my own car--put me in a mental institution please. Don't feel like re-living the entire weekend--but basically it was just a weekend full of drama. Feel bad cause I kinda dragged Matt into it (sorry matt if youre reading this--I really am). Went to Platinum and actually was talked into the amateur contest--won $50--should have won more but i didnt really do anything so not really.

Anyway on to whats on my mind...spending the weekend with Kat really brought to mind where I was heading for a while. I know I've settled down some...I still have my wild streak but it doesn't get me in half as much trouble as it used to. I just really don't know what i want out of life though. Sometimes I think that all I really want is to settle down with a guy, and be at least somewhat secure--secure in a relationship, money whatever. I want to have a house, a decent job, and a decent man. Now truthfully I don't know what I would do with it though--am I really ready to settle down or is this just another phase--a rebound from last year's wilder times. Would I fuck it up if i had it? Of course, will I ever find it? Why can't I be done with school already. Why can't I just find a great guy with a good job--I keep dating losers for some reason. Hell, I don't know. Anyway I'm really fucking tired and have a lot of shit to do so I'm going to take a quick nap and get to it.