My Life on a Plate

March On

Not sure if March has come in like a lion or a lamb; more like a polar bear. Bright and no snow but very very cold. Here endeth the weather report.

Had my Tuesday reflexology session. For the uninitiated, reflexology is a form of foot massage (not kinky honest) which can pinpoint ailments in other parts of the body. I know this is true because I almost shoot through the ceiling when a certain part of my foot is massaged. The part that relates to the stomach and colon and that's been my problem area for many years. The ex Headteacher of the school I worked at took up training when he retired, and my friend Gillian and I have been his guinea pigs from the early days. He's a qualified reflexologist now but still gives us a free session on Tuesdays. If nothing else it's very relaxing and we have a good natter along the way but I also believe it's beneficial as my stomach always deteriorates if I miss a session. He's a lovely man my ex- boss; a philosopher, a warm and kind person who has always supported my writing ambitions in a most positive way. Unlike the person who took his place and wrecked my career, my health, my mental state to the point where I thought I'd never survive. But, thankfully (but no thanks to her) I did.

It's strange how I don't really know what the definition of 'love' is but sadly I do know what it is to hate. Of course I love my son with the passion of any mother and love my family and friends. But the sort of love you read about in gushy novels or see in films is something I'm not sure I've ever felt. Different people define the feeling in different ways but looking back and analysing my relationships I don't think I've ever met anyone who's made me feel that way. Sure, I've thought I have at the time and I've made a fool of myself over certain men and broken my heart when relationships have ended but whatever it is that gives a couple that special spark has never come my way. I'm not a cold person, just the opposite I believe, but my 'soulmate' hasn't materialised in this life and it's a little late now I fear. Although I did find 'hate' rather late in life too. I've never actively hated anyone in my life apart from those anonymous characters who are cruel to animals and children and I didn't think I was capable of feeling such venom. But the woman who became Head of my school almost ten years ago now, taught me to hate with a passion. If I was informed she had suffered the most horrendous death it would not stir a glimmer of compassion in me; in fact I think I'd smile. That's an awful confession and I'm not proud but it's the truth. I don't dwell on it but it was just a thought that came to me earlier when my other boss was here. Love and hate - I'd much prefer to have loved but we cannot dictate what life throws at us. Maybe one day I'll write about how I came to hate this woman but not yet; I try to be more positive these days. You wouldn't notice would you? lol

Anyway, gotta cook now and off out this evening. Do I really have to be parted from my computer for so long? Maybe I'm in love with an inanimate object.