My Life on a Plate

Predictability

Things Grumpy Old Women Say...

1. Is it me or is it hot in here?
2. What a rip off.
3. It's a disgrace.
4. I could murder a nice cup of tea.
5. Let's have a sit down.
6. Cheerio.
7. Spending a penny.
8. Naughty but nice.
9. Right you are.
10. Struth.

I'd have laughed at my horoscope this morning if my face would have co-operated. As I peered through bleary eyes at the screen, the familiar sound of hubby steam ironing behind me, I had to mentally smile at the prediction. 'Today, you will feel as if you can accomplish anything.' Yeah, right. The thing is, just lately I feel like I could live my life on auto pilot. It's just so bloody predictable. I know it's true what my mum says, 'Just be grateful it ticks over with no big dramas; there's a lot worse off.' But sometimes, a bit of pleasant excitement wouldn't go amiss. I mean, I'm not quite a grumpy old woman yet!

Take last night. At writing class, as expected, 'Mrs Opinionated' gave her views on piped music in banks, 'Mrs Imemine' told us all about her latest achievements in life and literature and 'Mrs Haveyouread' about the many and varied books she's tackled this week. After class our friends came round for drinks and nibbles. I've christened him Mr Golf and her Mrs Death because they seem to be their sole topics of conversation. Don't get me wrong, I like all these people but they're just so damned predictable. Struth! I know, I know, I can hear you saying 'And so are you!'

Today starts with the steam iron concerto, followed by the morning ablutions. Just applying my make up in the bathroom when hubby comes up to tell me he's off to the golf course. What a surprise! Big slobbery kiss as if he's not going to see me for a fortnight; champagne pink lippy just doesn't look right with his beard. Off to swimming with Big Pam, who relays every event from her recent holiday as we swim our leisurely lengths, trying to avoid the energetic teenagers dive bombing from the springboard. It's a disgrace!

After spending a penny, we go to lunch. Have an extra Cappuccino - naughty but nice. Then off to the shopping centre. We admire the goods in the shops but don't buy after we've studied the price tags. What a rip off! After a bit I say to Pam,

'Is it me or is it hot in here?'

She agrees and suggests 'Let's have a sit down.' We watch all the skinny young things passing by and sigh a lot.

'I'll be off now then,' I say. ' Got to catch the bus and pop in to see my parents.' Been doing that on a Wednesday since Adam was a lad.

'Right you are,' says Pam.'See you next week, same time, same place. Cheerio.'

Yep, only death or the end of the world would make next Wednesday any different. Time to start cooking soon but I could murder a nice cup of tea first. I know I shouldn't complain about my day to day routines, but inside somewhere there's a skinny young thing who still wants life to be fun and full of surprises. Still, I'm not quite a grumpy old woman yet am I? Struth - what a thought!