The Life Of Me.

5th July 2005 - ill

Heylo...I'm ill...again. Grrr. Had the last two days off school, and generally just feel so, so crap.

Saw Martin yesterday for lunch though, that was nice...until I kicked off 'cause I'd left my handbag at the café...lol. *sigh*. I'm so not as nice to him as he deserves, I don't know what to do. For some reason last night, when I was in bed, waiting for a text that I didn't ask for, I thought to myself that...maybe having some space would be good for me. Maybe then I'd learn to be less dependent on him and not care as much when he suddenly leaves to do something better.

But then...I think that people who need space, have something really wrong with their relationship, and we don't...I'm just too dependent on mine. And yes, as much as that is bad, I don't want to jeopordise what we have. He deserves so much more than me. Someone who can make him so much happier and treat him like he wants. Instead of me...who's badly addicted to him, and yes, loves him more than he can ever comprehend, but...I don't know...

I'm confused. I need to talk to him. And I'm iiiiiiiiiiiiill. When I'm ill, everything seems to be a big drama, every little thing is off...I think weird things that I wouldn't normally and my brain is just generally fuzzy. Why....grrrr at myself. I wish I was nicer.

We've been going out for the three months today...a whole three lol. Man I need help...I'm in too deep...