The Never-Ending Ramblings...

Trying to smile

I gotta get it in gear. Yesterday was horrible for me, the before school fights w/Laney, my pain levels up so high, and then, seeing Louise in the hospital. Lying there so thin and frail. Tubes everywhere. She isn’t coming home. How can she? Nothing but skin and bones, not even aware of those around her. The reality stabbed deep into my heart yesterday morning as I stood over her, my hand tenderly stroking her head. I knew it before – I haven’t been in denial. It struck Laney the morning before.

I came back to my office and buried myself in paperwork and phone calls. Providing me w/ distractions. I keep seeing her, in my mind’s eye, her face full of laughter, her voice boisterous, her presence strong. Then, I could see her in the hospital so helpless, struggling for her life. Why is death taking so long? Playing with her, swatting her around. Walking away only to return for another blow? If anyone deserves to quietly, peacefully and quickly go,it’s Louise. I hate death’s cruelty.