My Life on a Plate

Life's Little Mysteries

My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.

Stephen Hawking

Well, I wish you good luck Mr Hawking but I don't even have to step outside my front door to be confronted by the mysteries of life. For instance...

1. WHY, when I've been running around like the proverbial blue-arsed fly, skipping meals, eating on the hop, looking after two parents, a family and two homes do my scales inform me I've gained two pounds? I don't understand that.

2. WHY, my telephone rang three times this morning and no one spoke a word? I'm told it's some sort of marketing technique. Several numbers are dialled at the same time and whoever answers first takes the call, leaving we slower people with a silent background. Not good for the nerves of someone with a relative in hospital. We're ex-directory and registered with a Telephone Preference Service to stop sales calls, so where are they getting our number from? I don't understand that.

3. WHY the appearance of my folder and any other I view on WDC has suddenly changed? I rather liked the centred titles and stars but somehow everything has gone left aligned and the font has changed too. Am I alone in this? I don't understand that.

4. WHY I am STILL receiving requests from strangers to be added to my friends list on MSN Messenger? I now have 130 blocked names, all of them males from Venezuala for some obscure reason. I don't understand that.

5. WHY, after downloading Google Earth last week, when I wanted to use it this morning, it had disappeared from the computer? No good asking hubby if he's been fiddling as he'd only deny it, so where in Cyberhell did it go? I don't understand that.

I need Google Earth to try and improve my geographical skills, which I admit are terrible. Even with it I still get lost quite frequently. I dread to think what would happen if I went on a world trip alone. I wish Mr Hawking every success with his quest but I have enough problems understanding this little planet, never mind the whole damned universe. I seem to have no sense of direction and even if I study a map of a country, I'll have forgotten it all by tomorrow. Maybe I'm just a bear of very little brain or have some geographical form of dyslexia.

On that note I'll finish with a line I read today from a comedian called Marcus Brigstocke. Politically correct? I don't care, it amused me.

'I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.'