I knew this would happen...

The past is just that

the past is the past and nothing else
Sometimes I wish that I could recapture some of what we had back then. Of course at this point I have to wonder what it was since I didn't really know him until I got pregnant by him the 2nd time, on the 2nd year anniversary of our first kiss.
But here I am pregnant, and wondering if I will ever feel it again.
Or if laying there and letting him fuck me is the new kind of sex I am going to have, soon to become, (if not already) the old boring sex that I will have for the rest of my life.
Now instead of looking for and wanting to find ways to make it work, I am more looking forward to the day when we can go our separate ways.
It's not a nice feeling, getting fucked. I mean, not unless you are at a bar and that is the sole purpose of your outing, that is a different thing altogether.
I can't stand the smell of him, the sight of him, the stupid stoned slowness of him.

But of course if this means that I am about to enter a better stage of my life, and that I just have to pull through this and hope to come out fine at the end, then I will do it. I am doing it.