Writer's Cramp Entries

Loving Dorothy

Written for the "The Writer's Cramp - Poetry Week" 
Prompt: You might just have met Mr./Ms. Right – at least you think so. Your only hesitation is that he/she likes to talk about snakes. Then on Saturday evening when you walk into his/her living room for the first time, you discover . . .

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Dear Mother,

I think I have just found the most perfect guy. His name is Jason Sweeny and he’s a professor at the local university. We met a few months ago at a seminar being held for the Young Scientists of America. Needless to say mother, it was attraction at first sight. He’s got the most adorable blue eyes and the cutest smile ever. Oh, I simply can’t wait to introduce him to you. Ah, did I also mention he’s into snakes? And before you start raising Cain, mom, I mean he’s a herpetologist. And although the subject gives me the creeps, I’m willing to take a chance…

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“Is everything all right, Megan? You look a bit…cautious. Didn’t you have fun tonight?”

I looked into his worried blue eyes and had to smile a little. Jason can be so sweet when he’s trying to impress me. However, I do wish he had taken me to somewhere else tonight. When I said I wanted to spend Saturday night with him, I had expected a romantic dinner or a movie. Unfortunately, Jason’s idea of romance had involved a trip to his lab where we spent several hours cleaning out some reptilian feces. He kept apologizing profusely, saying he had hoped his lab assistant would do the job, but she had called in sick and someone just had to take care of the Madagascar iguanids.

“Let’s go to your place,” I suddenly suggested with a wide smile, linking my arm around his, so he wouldn’t think I was upset with him. “I’d like to see where the famous professor dwells, hmm?”

“Well…” He blushed beneath the streetlamps and scratched his head a little. “If you’re sure…”

“I’m positive.” I grinned and kissed him softly. My thoughts were already racing to a night of pure fun and pleasure. I was going to ignore the fact that I had been on my hands and knees scrubbing tanks and perhaps indulge us in a bubble bath, dinner and then…who knows?

“Here we are,” he announced after a mile of leisurely walking down the boulevard. I stared at the apartment building, impressed with the vintage architecture and design. It looked like something pulled out of a Fifties Hollywood movie set, and I fully expected Marilyn Monroe or Betty Gable to walk out of the double doors at any minute.

“It’s not much,” he was saying, leading me into the building and to the elevator. “And it might be a mess…”

“I’m sure I’m going to love it anyway,” I crooned, now feeling excited in more ways than one. So excited in fact, that I hardly gave him the chance to open the door before pouncing on him with a hunger that took us both by surprise. I guess all the work at the lab had our adrenaline pumping with eagerness, as we stumbled into his home, just giving him enough time to kick the door closed. In the semi-gloom, our hands and mouths moved everywhere, needing, wanting, longing for each other, and as I was pushed to the couch ready to…

“Eeeeek!” I shrieked and jumped to my feet, pushing him out of the way and barely acknowledging his grunt of surprise. I spun around quickly, my body still trembling from the dual sensation of his touches as well as the cold, slimy thing I had felt against my back. For a second, I could only blink stupidly at the slithering thing, feeling my breath beginning to hitch painfully as I felt another scream coming.

The main lights suddenly came on and I was blinded for a moment, but it was enough to tell me that my worst fears were confirmed. Crawling and hissing happily enough, was the biggest, fattest and most hideous snake I had ever seen. Its gold and black scaly skin shimmered in the light as it moved. To think that I had almost lain on that thing was enough to have me—

“Dorothy!” my boyfriend crooned, reaching out to pick up the reptile to cradle it gently. “Who let you out of your cage? You naughty girl, you. I must have forgotten to lock it before leaving. Silly me.”

Okay, I didn’t just hear that, did I? The man of my life didn’t just call a snake ‘Dorothy’ and make kissing motions to it, did he?

“There now. It’s okay, Meg,” he said, lowering the huge thing into a glass tank in the corner of the living room. “It’s quite tame really. It’s a red-tailed boa, female and actually quite docile…”

“A boa constrictor?!” I screeched, already picking up my blouse to slip into it quickly. “You keep a boa constrictor in your apartment?”

He looked panicked, and ran towards me. “It’s only a pet, Meg. Sweetie…please don’t leave-”

“I love you, Jason. Honestly, I do. But it’s either me or…or…”

She hissed from her cage as if challenging me. I shuddered.

“It’s either me or Dorothy. I’m sorry.”

I left without looking back, feeling a bit sorry as I listened to him call out my name from the hallway. I wondered what his neighbors would think seeing him standing out there in only his pants, but I had made up my mind. No way was I going to remain with a man who was willing to have snakes in his home. The brief image of waking up in the middle of the night with Dorothy twisted around my neck was much too frightening.

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Dear Mother,

As you must know by now, I’ve broken up with Jason, even though he was cute and lovely. He apparently chose the snake over me. I’m not quite sure of how I feel about that. However, I think I’ve found the most perfect guy! His name is Kevin and he works as an entomologist. I think it might have something to do with insects or something like that. Let’s just hope he doesn’t keep a beehive in his bedroom.

Word Count: 992