Come Back to Us

Return

Return

The return had not been anything like Michael had expected. Instead of the original GTC terminal they had departed from, they returned in a different and very much more advanced looking facility. It made sense when he thought about it. Ten years had passed and GTC travel was probably more frequent. There had been only a handful of terminals carefully placed around the world with arguments over the fairness of it and heavily debated plans about where to build the next. The United States only had one when he had left, but apparently they had at least one more by now. This was also clearly a strictly government operated one as well, as opposed to the prior facility. Everyone had government identification and every door required some sort of access key to open- it was not visible to him, but apparently it was there since he could not operate them. There were plenty of people around, but he had not been allowed time to talk with any of them. As soon as he was able to think clearly they had transported him to a private room and begun his physical therapy. He had not looked forwards to repeating that again- however, this time the process seemed to be less painful with quicker results. The only prolonged contact he had was with his physical therapist, and it was always the same person- a well built young man with neatly crew cut brown hair and friendly eyes. He did not say a lot, but he always spoke quietly and with very visible respect for Michael- a different kind of respect than he had shown his superior officer once when the person had walked in to check on them during a session. General Derrick was the only person who appeared to be allowed to talk to him in any formal sense, and was personally supervising his prep time. Derrick was also the first person he was able to finally get some kind of an explanation from shortly after his return- it was not satisfactory, but it gave him something to think about.

“On behalf of the United States of America, we welcome you as an honorary member of our military forces- a civilian who survived extreme conditions far from his home and performed heroically in such a way that allowed the survival and cooperation of an international team. I personally apologise that the welcome you are receiving is not anything near what any of us would consider a hero’s welcome- however, there have been some complications. It seems during your transport there were some critical errors. Do not worry- your physical health is not in immediate jeopardy, but we will require your isolation from all but minimal staff and an extended recovery period with close observation. Even the smallest problems with transport can have serious long term effects, and I hope you understand our concern for your safety and see your time here as that of an honoured guest until we can resolve the problems.” The concern in the general’s voice was genuine, yet there was a rehearsed and political feel to the entire explanation. It was understandable- a situation like this would have been filtered down through many levels and General Derrick was bearing the responsibility of representing an entire country’s military and political leadership in this situation.

“I understand that the circumstances are legitimate and serious, and I am not going to argue with your council. However, while I cannot have contact directly with anyone- is there no reason I cannot at least have a video call to my Wife? If you are a family man, Sir, then surely you must understand that after being separated from my Wife, my daughter, and my son for ten years…” Despite Michael’s training and complete understanding of the diplomacy needed at this time, the control and restraint over his emotions he had exerted many times over the last ten years thinned as tears came to his eyes. He was home, finally home- and yet now this had come up! The strain of hope met with disappointment, however temporary, was tremendous upon his spirit. “I miss them more than words can explain. I realise that military operations almost always act first and speak much later- but in this case, I think you can be assured that I have intention about speaking regarding any experiences I have had with my family unless prior authorization is given. I… I just need to at least see and talk with them.”

The General nodded his head, letting out a breath before looking away. “I have spoken with some of the other men myself, and I have already browsed many reports. You did an incredible job up there- a civilian with no prior training for any situation so extreme. You kept yourself together up there when men with years of experience in life and death situations were cracking up. Things did not happen perfectly- and I am sorry that you had to be a part of those experiences- but you were a part of preventing more international incidents than I can name. On top of that, I do have a wife and children. Sir, if it were within my power they would be here in person. It is not within my power, and I unfortunately am forced to say that it has been made clear that no contact outside this facility is going to be happening soon. Also, as a personal favour to you because of your service, I must tell you that you may have to prepare for a series of long reviews and decisions before that will change. These circumstances are unique- no problem like this has ever happened before- and I do not envy you. Nobody who has had to go through so much should have to be punished yet again. If you need anything that we can provide, we will gladly offer it. I am deeply sorry.”


Michael had spoken with the general since, but that single conversation was enough for him to have a very accurate picture of the situation. His experience with cultures, politics, and psychology made it easy to see how things were playing out. Something had happened in the transport- something unexpected, and serious enough that they were unwilling to give any details on it. It did not have an immediate effect, but they had no idea what might or might not happen yet. A problem like that with their teleportation program could have world-wide impact. Worst case scenario would mean they had not even informed his family anything specific about him yet. However, he doubted they had the power or intention of hiding the return of the people from Mars- and his family would undoubtedly be aware of his return and wanting news. He ached to think how Sarah must feel after all this time. An insecure part of him was worried she had waited for him- ten years is a long time after all- but he was confident in her. And if they had thought them dead? Well, he would deal with that when he faced it. He prayed that he would not have to, however. He was in the middle of international politics on a grand scale, and from what was said he may be kept apart from general contact for months. This was a fact, but he was not happy about it.
It was after several days that he began to have short conversations with Isaac, his physical therapist. They began to talk a lot after he had a particularly uncomfortable experience during a bowel movement and noticed little metallic balls in the toilet.
“What are metal balls doing in me? Did someone loose BB pellets and drop them in the soup I ate? I had the impression this was a slightly higher class operation than that.” Michael attempted to make a joke about it, but he was rather concerned.

Isaac laughed and then furrowed his brow. “I knew they were keeping you a little isolated here, but I didn’t think they would not at least brief you on prodecure. I was a kid when you and the team went up- I know all about each of you, and did even before I became military. I can’t believe they wouldn’t help you catch up. After all, a lot has changed in ten years. Nobody goes through the long recovery time or the aches and pains you first-timers had to go through in transport. Have you noticed that you were able to walk around after the first day? I know your last transport was a decade ago, but can you tell any difference at all?”
Michael forrowed his brow, and thought back. It was immediate very clear to him the young man was very correct, “You’re right. It took me a week just to stand up without help, and the aches and pains lasted for several weeks straight after that. I was very uncoordinated too- I was told it was because my brain was becoming reacquainted with my body in a strange sort of way. Part of that unsettling aspect of transport, I suppose- I will never get used to the idea that my body is not technically the same one I was born in.” It was brief, but Michael was surprised to see a quickly hidden look of pain… perhaps even sympathy… in Isaac’s eyes. He filed that away, though he had no idea what that might be about. “So why is it so different now? Now that I think about it, it has only been a few days and I feel better than I did after two weeks the first time around!”

Isaac smiled and patted his shoulder, “Nanotechnology has come a long ways, my friend- especially biologically speaking, and neurologically as well. You’ve had wet nanomachines in you since you came around, working to help restore you muscle tone, repair any small damages, and even help calibrate your brain with your body all with the idea of helping you to get back to normal faster. Because GTC has gone civilian, they have worked hard to come up with many often expensive, but very effective, ways to make the recovery process quick and painless. The more wealthy a private citizen is, the easier the trip. Of course, all of you received not only top reconditioning treatment- but even some restricted treatment as well. You know, the things that are considered highly classified. That is part of the reason only I am working with you- I am cleared for it. Those balls are the sealed clusters the nanomachines end up in once they have done their job. They used to come out in your urine- but fortunately, they cleared that rather unpleasant part up and now you just have little bb pellets in your poop instead.” Isaac chuckled, and Michael laughed with him. It was good to have some conversation again, even if it was about little machines that were crawling around inside him and knitting his insides back into shape.
“Will these nanomachines help to fix whatever transmission glitches occurred? Have they even found out for sure what happened to me yet?” Michael asked. Isaac sobered quickly.

“I don’t think I can say anymore about that than the general already has, Sir. My apologies.” With that, Isaac finished and left.


The clean white walls of his room was nothing like Michael would imagine a prison cell would look like, but it had begun to feel that way very quickly. No contact with his family, and no information either. They would not let him even find out what was going on in the world- it was a complete information blackout both ways, and while he could tell that General Derrick was not happy with the situation either he knew that the General would hold to his orders.


Two weeks since his return, it was during a conversation with Isaac that something new occurred. Isaac was almost done his job. Michael’s limbs were in good shape, and he was even more fit than he had been before. Perhaps it was the knowledge that their contact might soon be severed that prompted their conversation. Isaac became serious after a little joking around as Michael recounted an antic of his baby David- who was no longer anywhere near a baby after ten years, as Michael logically knew. “You and the others- you’re heroes, not just to me but to millions of people. It is like being the first man on the moon- the first manned mission to mars, and surviving for all that time! I don’t think you deserve the silence you have had to face. You’ve been treated well, which is the least you deserve, but… listen, I can’t tell you how much I respect you. Take this soda, it’s a treat on me. If you need to go to the restroom, go down the hall and take the third left. Follow the green circle’s and it should be easy enough.” With that, Isaac packed up to leave.
It was only after Michael had been drinking the soda for a few moments that he realised something very queer about Isaac’s directions to the restroom. The reason he did not know where the restroom was- was because he was sealed in his room, and had his own private toilet to use anyway. He also noticed the odd aftertaste in his mouth that had come with the food and drink he had consumed before and came to recognize as the delivery method for the nanomachines that had worked on him. Michael’s mind began racing, but as he got up and walked towards the door there was a strange feeling of confirmation when he reached the door… and it slid open for him, just like it had for Isaac but had never before done when he approached it or any of the other doors. The doors now recognized him as ‘authorised’. Something in that soda that Isaac gave him had done it. Why? So he could go to the restroom? He was puzzling it out- part of him rather terrified at the consequences of being caught outside unauthorised in what he had come to recognize as a highly classified military base- but he kept walking anyway. He turned left and then saw a door with the green circle that Isaac had mentioned. He went into it and found himself in a maintenance closet with small door that, when opened, seemed to lead to some back hallways. Taped to the door was a note which he took and quickly scanned.


You deserve to see your family, whatever happens. I’m not the only one who thinks so- you are a hero, and many people here agree. There are also some people with more power than I do that do as well. You have thirty minutes in which the maintenance halls of the base will be completely empty. Nobody will be in them at all for any reason. Follow the yellow floor guide to the elevator and go to level 2A. Follow the officer who meets you there without saying a word- he will not talk to you either. When he walks into a vehicle parking lot he will light a cigarette. When he puts it out next to a vehicle, get in that vehicle and use it to leave. Good luck- it’s been an honour knowing you.
Sincerely,
Isaac


Michael shifted on his feet for a few brief moments, thinking through the wisdom in following this. Isaac had said there were some people with power involved in this- obviously that would be necessary to pull off something so brash. Why all this for him? He felt like he really was being broken out of prison- and yet he had committed no crime except serving his country and doing his job, and beyond. Regardless, he hesitated no longer. He immediately put the note in his pants and closed the door behind him. There were several coloured guiding lines on the floor, and he followed the yellow one like he had been directed. It took him through several twists and turns and even though a large main hallway. He was baffled to cross so much distance and see nobody, yet it seemed the note was completely correct. He had a simple watch they had provided him- only five minutes had passed, but he sped up his pace. He did not want to be too winded, or else when he did have to see people he might look suspicious. Thoughts of seeing the planet he loved again, and then his family too, raced through his mind and gave him the strength he needed to keep moving forwards. He reached the elevator, got in, and pressed the clear glass space next to the designated floor. Only after did he belatedly realise that the space was probably designed to read fingerprints- wouldn’t that give him away? But the elevator worked, regardless- everything was going like the note had said. He reached the top, and was jolted to see his first person- but calmed himself. The officer was dressed in typical army dress, standing at attention to the left of the elevator doors. When they opened, the officer glanced at him and then turned away. He began to walk forwards in a brisk, official pace. Michael followed, not speaking a word.

It was a very tense time- so close and yet so far away. And now there were people, everywhere. He felt his jaw start aching, and realised he had been clenching his teeth as they walked by security checkpoints without stopping. Nobody stopped them, however. Certain doorways that seemed designed to be highly secure allowed him to walk through right behind the other officer. They seemed to travel quite a ways before the officer opened up a door and a refreshing breeze of the first clean, unfiltered air Michael had smelled in over a decade hit him. Tears began running down his cheeks. He had been on Earth all this time, but this was the first time he had truly experienced any sign that it was Earth besides the limited people he had met.
The officer kept walking, and Michael followed. He noted with some fascination that the cars and trucks he passed- some military, some personal vehicles- were remarkably changed from ten years ago. He was not well versed in cars, but he knew there had to be some significant changes under the hoods of these cars compared to what they used to drive. Perhaps they had finally made hydrogen fuelled vehicles mainstream? His mind focused on the present- though it seemed like he was walking into the future- as the guard stopped to light a cigarette. After walking for another thirty second or so, he stopped and put it out. Michael’s eyes shot to the car it was next to- a very sleek metallic grey vehicle that seemed designed to fit two people comfortably. The guard started walking off, but turned back briefly- it seemed as though the guard had probably been told not to acknowledge him but had decided to anyway- and stood at attention, saluting him before turning to continue walking off. Michael closed his eyes and gave a short prayer of thanks for the man and anyone else who had helped, and prayed they would not face serious consequences for helping him. He reached for a door handle… but found none. The presence of his hand, however, seemed to trigger the door to glide down and open. He sat in the drivers seat, and the door promptly closed. There was a convenient little screen on the dashboard to his right- above where the stereo system was in the cars he knew, at least- and it turned on. He looked around and pressed the button that was clearly marked “ON” and the car made a very subtle vibration as it turned on. The screen had an option for “Exit military base- Pre-programmed Drive 001” and had been obviously set up for someone who probably had no idea what changes had been made to cars in the last ten years. He tapped the words, and the car immediately reminded him to buckle his seatbelt. Apparently this car, at least, did not auto-buckle yet. It was nice to find something familiar to come back to. He buckled his seat belt, and the car reversed out and was smoothly on its way.


There were many more heart-stopping points- and the car went straight through many places he had expected he would need to stop. However, strangely enough, nobody responded to his car passing directly through the checkpoints. As he passed out of the final unmarked gate- it was clear this base was not one easily accessible even to average military personel. He could see he was coming out of a mountain and to his right was a beautiful little lake with families having picnics next to it. It was possible some of those families were those of the people who worked there. The sign next to the site referred to this place as being “Fort Richey”. The map he saw on the screen showed he was somewhere in Virginia apparently. Apparently having reached some sort of specific point, his pre-scripted journey came to an end as the car smoothly pulled over onto the side of the road right next to the picnic area. He looked around his little escape vessel, trying to apply what he knew from ten years ago and also his experience with technology on the Mars station to this piece of equipment. It all seemed fairly familiar, but since in most vehicles space is an issue- many of the buttons and panels on the driving and middle locations of the car used symbols and seemed to assume a minimal working knowledge of this more recent build of vehicle. He at least recognised the air conditioning and heating controls.

Michael chuckled to himself. I might not be able to move anywhere, but at least I can be assured if a sudden blizzard or heat wave hits I will be comfortable. He remembered sitting in a similarly small and extremely less comfortable space in Mars during one of his increasingly frequent external missions. His fingers gently caressed the air controls. What he would have given for those in that time period. The climate conditions were extreme on Mars in any situation, but having to use minimal energy on missions meant that he had never felt such piercing cold in his life. It was different than being out in a snow storm, as it had been a still and seeping cold that gradually infected his body to creep inwards to his very centre. He had not been trained for external missions like that, but when it became clear their situation was not going to change soon he had been given very intense basic training that all the military personnel on the mission with him had already received so that he could help. They lost several team members over the years, and so his help quickly became essential. An extra pair of hands, even inexperienced, became essential. Oddly enough, after several years of their routine- and sometimes not so routine- work, it became a regular joke among the crew that Michael had become one of the more skilled crew members in manipulating robotic arms. Apparently once he received equivalent training that was mostly in real situations rather than simulations the others had received training in, he was told he had quite a fine sense for getting a variety of external arms to move in very precise ways. Many of the international crew members had seen him as a burden as soon as it became clear resources would be scarce, but after a time he had earned his place on the team. His ability to pull his load and also resolve conflicts and help crew members deal with personal problems- as well as keeping themselves together in such a stressful situation- had given him a place among the three other crew members who were seen as the decision makers of the team.

Michael did not see that privilege as something light. He had been forced to make some decisions he would rather forget making. Being the equivalent of their only government on Mars for ten years was a heavy load for any man to bear. However, all his experience on Mars did not make figuring out this car any easier- government machinery was often less refine and user-friendly than commercially developed vehicles. His specialised experience with robotic devices and EVA vehicles did not help him here. So it was a shock when his attention was interrupted by a soft rapping on the passenger window. He looked up to see a sprightly blonde woman smiling politely, and at his glance she opened the door and sat down in the passenger seat.
“Ahhh… hello?” Michael said a bit awkwardly. He was not sure exactly what was going on, and if this was ‘supposed’ to happen or not.

“Hello. Are you Michael?” She asked in an gusty voice, trying to look casual. The slight tension in the muscles around her eyes and brisk movements she made gave her nervousness away to Michael, at least.
“Yes, yes I am. And you are…?” Michael asked politely, smiling in an attempt to break the ice.
“Michael, it is a pleasure to finally meet you! My husband told me a little about you. He asked me not to mention who he was right now, and so I think I had better not. If anything ever happens, you can be completely truthful and not have to lie that way. My name is Mary.” She offered her hand, and when he shook it it had that delicate feel that some women have in a handshake. It gave him a sense that she was a gentle person and probably very experienced in manners and courtesy. “It has been a while since you’ve driven. I imagine that sitting down in a car for the first time in ten years isn’t an easy thing to do. I am going to help familiarize you with the basics of this car, give you a few things to help you out, and then let you go. In the compartment under the arm rest you will find a wallet with all the appropriate identification- licence, credit, and a few other useful items. It uses your real name, but I was told that since you had a new social security number now it would not be traceable if anyone was looking for you. They track by social now because of the way the systems are set up. Things are somewhat different now, but not so different that you will not be able to find your way around and get food and rest when you need it.” Mary proceeded to explain the operations of the car, and once Michael was told the general location of the controls he realised that it was indeed incredibly simple- it was just a matter of knowing what did what, and how. The computer panel was actually one of the less expensive models- apparently his choice in vehicle was made to attract less attention and so it was your everyday sort of car with a few upgrades made. Certain places were set up to be compatible with pre-programmed driving but not everywhere- mainly really nice areas, government facilities, and large cities. Otherwise, driving was a lot like it used to be- except that the steering wheel could be bypassed by hand controls. Having used nothing but hand controls for years now, Michael found that convenient for him. The computer screen controlled many of the functions, and would show him where on the map he was and allow him to clearly find his destination. It was similar to things available before, but a lot fancier in appearance. He also could apparently see all the cars in the general area on the map, which would allow him to avoid traffic congestion and navigate more freely.

Once she had finished, she gave him a kiss on the cheek that surprised him, “Good luck, and welcome home.”


Michael rolled down the window as he began to drive again, and took a slow breath of the fresh Spring air. He was very excited to finally be going somewhere. His real home was in view again, and he was finally headed there! Now that he knew the controls, the car was very easy to use- it felt almost like a driving game, and was incredibly simple compared to military devices. Also, due to some of the new safety systems build into cars the speed limits had apparently been raised in the last ten years. Travel was smooth and very quick. He could feel his heart beating quickly in his chest as he crossed state lines and was within twenty miles of his own home. Apparently, according to the map- which also could listen the name and address of publicly listed houses- his family was right where it used to be. He had tried calling home already, but nobody was there since it was daytime during a weekday. He was a little nervous about the whole situation anyway, so rather than try contacting Sarah directly he decided it would be best to meet in person. He fingered his wedding ring. How he had treasured this as his only solid, physical link and reminder of his family. He knew that it was only a symbol, and represented something far more solid and tangible than a piece of rounded metal. Yet that physical representation of his bond with his wife and family had helped him through some very painful times. He had lived through them to honour Sarah- and he was back again, finally, to be there for them.



The car pulled smoothly into the driveway, and Michael slowly exited his transportation with nervous excitement. He could feel his hands shaking as he walked to the door and stood there a few minutes. He took a slow, deep breath as he stared at the fine grain of the wood door. I’m home again. I’m really home again. Michael tried the handle to find it locked, as he had expected. There was a spare key under the metal frog statue next to the front door as there had always been. Apparently the key lock was a backup, since there was also another sort of electronic lock on the door now as well. Michael reflected on these rather mundane details as he opened the door and walked in. The house was still and empty, and it seemed he probably had some time before his family came home. It was around one in the afternoon, so he expected a bit of a wait.
His breath caught in his throat, and tears began to run down his cheeks. Right in the entry way was a large, beautiful picture of his family. It was not the family he knew- it was his family now. There was a picture of his two babies, and then another one of Sarah by herself. My God- they are all so beautiful now. My God, my God, my God… I can’t believe how beautiful they look. The tears kept coming, and it irritated him because he had trouble seeing through them when seeing even pictures of his family was all he wanted to do. Celina- she would be fifteen now, he knew. She seemed to be perhaps a little younger in this picture. She was gorgeous with glistening red hair flowing across her shoulders and down to her sides. It had changed colour! Before it was copper, yet now it was a deep red. Her round little face was thinning out, and her lips had filled out to begin to shape a face of a little woman. He could still see that adorable five year old baby clearly in that face, but she had grown so very much since then. She was the same little girl, and yet so different. Her eyes were so intense and lovely, and she had begun to fill out remarkably. It was so shocking to see his baby girl becoming a woman, even though he had expected it. She is so beautiful. What did I do to deserve such a gorgeous little girl?
David had an impish grin on his face, and his sandy hair was short and obviously forcibly combed by his mother. He had such excited features and seemed full of energy, and yet- Michael feel something of a tenseness from the expression on his son’s face. He had worked with children before, and this was the look of a little boy who was probably driving everyone crazy and somewhere inside all that energy was directed towards hiding pain. Michael closed his eyes tightly- he would do everything he could to make up for whatever pain his absence had caused his little boy.

Sarah… Sarah was incredible. She was no longer girlish in any sense- but had matured into an elegant and very well dressed woman in her thirties. In the picture she had elegantly styled hair and her makeup gave her an elegant and removed look- she was like a gorgeous painted sculpture set high on a shelf to admire. Each feature was so delicate and rich with vibrant beauty- he had sometimes wondered how he would take to his wife looking older even though he knew he himself looked older as well. It seemed that the young woman who used to wear casual clothing even to family pictures was now quite different. She had always looked casually beautiful, but now as a grown woman it seemed that she had refined and polished this loveliness. His heart pounded, and he began to feel the first bit of uncertainty. This was his lovely wife, but he felt almost a little unworthy- how would she view him now, so many years later? How much had she changed?
Michael walked down the hall into the kitchen and was impressed to see how well kept it was. It looked nothing like the mish-mash it had been when he left. Sarah also seemed to have bought a very nice dining set and the appliances were also more modern. There were more pictures of his little beauties, and he looked over them to cherish each one. There was a small, elegantly frame little picture in the living room nearby that had just caught his eye- and something about it seemed out of place. Before he could walk up to look more closely, he turned around with a jolt as he heard the door open. He looked around and tried to think what he should do, when he heard the rich and melodious voice he had dreamed about for years upon years. “Hello? Celina, David? Did one of you come home from school early- my watch told me the door had been opened.”

Michael tried to think of what to say. How can I do this right? I don’t want to scare her, but I don’t know if I can avoid that. Does she know anything about my arrival, or why I was held? Has she been worried about me? Do I look decent enough? My hair was cut, but what about these clothes?

Before he could decide what to say, Sarah walked suddenly into the kitchen and stopped. The beautiful pools of her eyes locked on his, and her mouth fell open. She began breathing quickly, swallowing rapidly as though she wanted to speak but couldn’t.
“Hi Sarah… I’m home. Sorry, but I forgot to get milk and eggs on the way back.” Michael said, smiling gently and hoping she wouldn’t get angry at him for his poorly timed humour.


Tears immediately began pouring down her cheeks, and a croaking sob forced its way out of her chest to make her whole body tremble. She stumbled, almost falling, and quickly rushed to throw her arms around Michael. Her face against his chest, her hands squeezing his arms, she wept. He had never in his life heard his wife weep so much, so hard that she seemed both a deeply hurt woman and a helpless girl at the same time. Michael wrapped his arms tightly around her, and he quickly kissed her hair- which was slightly stiff from hairspray but wonderfully sweet in scent. He could not find words, he could only hold her and kiss her hair.
“What’s happening?” She managed to get out in-between fitful breaths, “How are you here? Why are you here? I don’t really care, I don’t really care… I don’t… just stay here, stay here like this. I don’t have to know how… just don’t go.” Her finger dug painfully into his arms, as though they could anchor him there. Seeing his wife like this, so desperate and hurt brought his own tears back.

“I’ve hurt you so much by being away Sarah…” He whispered, “I’m so sorry… I should never have gone. I’d do anything to have never left.” She just kept crying at his words, though her breathing eased a little.
“I made you go… I made it all happen… I don’t know why you are here, but never leave. Please never leave. If you do, take me with you, please…” She murmured into his chest.

Michael pushed until she moved slightly away from his chest, and he could look at her eyes. Her makeup was completely ruined, but she was still heart-stopping beautiful. His brow was furrowed and tears still in his eyes as he responded gently, “Made me go? You always supported me in going, but you never once made me go. I was the one excited to go. I wanted to be with the first team, and… and I put the excitement over my family. I knew you were afraid of the risks, and I still did it.”

At this, Sarah suddenly stepped back. Her eyes grew wide, and she blinked rapidly. She let out harsh whisper, “What are you talking about? What do you mean? Supported you in going? You were shot.”
Michael blinked his eyes, look around the room as it suddenly began to spin a little. He was shot? This felt like a strange dream, maybe even a nightmare. Was this a strange, sick joke? “Shot? What in the world are you talking about? I don’t understand what is going on. What did in the h… heck did they tell you? Do you even know about the return of the Mars team? I wasn’t shot up there… we… we did have to handle some discipline issues, but I was never hurt. Sarah… Sarah, what’s wrong?” As he had spoken, his own wife’s face seemed to grow ashen just as he imagined his own was before it reddened with anger at the thought that his wife had thought him shot.

“Mars… yes I know the team finally came back… but … but how does that have anything to do with…” The confusion in Sarah’s eyes made that unstable dream-like feeling return, and on an impulse Michael turned around and looked at the picture in the livingroom. He was in it…
And David was three years old.


“I don’t know how you are here… did you… forget everything? You never left to Mars. You stayed… so… I don’t understand…” Sarah said softly, and yet out a little yelp as Michael suddenly stepped forward and put his hands on her shoulders. His breathing had increased, and he felt tears coming to his eyes again. No… no… this can’t be happening… oh dear Lord, how can this be happening…

“Sarah… I have been on Mars for the last ten years. I just came back, along with the rest of the team.” Sarah just stared up at him, shock on her face. He could tell from her eyes and sudden panic that she had realised this was not a dream, this was not in her mind, and she seemed to be desperately trying to understand how this was happening. Her searching eyes suddenly stopped- on his hand.

She let out an almost inaudible whisper, “It’s here… you’re telling the truth… it’s here, right here.” Her fingers reached for his hand, and he looked down to see her fingering his wedding band. He looked at her, not understanding what she meant. Her eyes looked up at his, her words still very soft, “You sent this ahead of you, and so when we lost contact with the Mars team we also lost this. I had a new one made for you for our next anniversary… that one was… was… buried with you. This is it… this is the ring that you sent ahead to Mars. You’re… you’re telling the truth. You… how? How did they do this?” She stepped back suddenly, “What are you? How are you here? What did they do?”


Michael took a slow, shaking breath. His face lost its colour, as he realised suddenly what they had meant by a transport error that had never happened before. He had known the principle all along, and marvelled at how they never experienced problems with it. Why, why did he have to be that first problem? This meant… it was proof… that in a way a person is killed when they transport. And… and copied. So… was he a copy, then? Had he really lived ten years on Mars as a copy? All that time he had been sure his Sarah was thinking about him as he thought about her. Yet now… Sarah had never even known he was trapped on Mars. The whole time, he had also been here. The real him. But he felt no different when he had arrived on Mars. He was who he was! How could they let this happen. This is why they did not want to let me out. They knew. They knew I was just some sort of mistake- a copy. They probably only let me back because of what I did on Mars. I’m only alive because of that, and they might never have let me out.

Michael looked up as he felt Sarah’s hand gently touch his cheek. Michael looked up, blinking away tears, “I’m… I’m just a copy. I’ve been living on Mars for ten years, surviving only to come back and be a father to my children and your husband again. But I’m just a copy. I’m a mistake. All that time… you’ve been living with me.” Michael suddenly stopped, remembering what she said. Shot. I was shot? I’m dead? “You said I was shot… what happened? Does that mean… that… ‘I’ am not here anymore?”
Sarah bit her lip, looking more confused than ever. He could see deep hurt in her eyes. “A… a woman cared for you. When you wouldn’t leave me for her, she… she went out of control… she… she shot you. If… if I hadn’t been there, in the way… you might still be alive today… she killed you just because of me.” Sarah fell to her knees, her tears renewed. Michael joined her on his knees, holding her tightly.
“Oh my… oh Lord, Sarah, I knew you were hurting… but to hurt like this, for that reason… Sarah, I’m so sorry. I’m… just so sorry.” He did not know quite how to feel, except that he wanted to hold his wife… whatever the law said, to him she was his wife… until she was at peace. What could he say? What could anyone say? To find out you are a copy of yourself… and that you died… and your wife had mourned over your death? What could he say?
“How long ago did… it happen?” Michael asked tentatively.
“Four years ago. Four years.” Sarah responded in a small voice.
Four years. What about Celina and David? They had lost their Dad- not just lost, but he had been murdered! That explained the pain in David’s eyes in that picture. If Sarah was hurting this much, what had this done to them? God, give me the words to say.
“I don’t know… quite how to handle this, Sarah. I don’t know. All I know is, that day at the GTC, I left and shortly after I came to on Mars. We struggled for the last ten years to survive- and all that time, things came up where the only reason I made it through was my will to survive to come here and be here for all of you again. I knew you needed me, and I needed you- I wasn’t going to die until after I had seen you all taken care of. I would give anything to take away this pain you have- to take away all of that. But if I had come back and… the Michael who had stayed was still here… I do not know what would have happened. I do know that I am here, now, and I am me. I am the man you married, as much as I can be. I know I have changed a lot, living through ten years of isolation and struggle to survive, but I feel it has made me into a stronger man so that I could come back and be what you needed. I… If… if you don’t want me to stay, if it would hurt the children… the government will probably take me back…”
Sarah grabbed his arms, harder than before. It made Michael wince. “No. No! No, don’t you dare leave me now. I don’t care how you’re here. I don’t care, as long as you are here. I never wanted another man, not once, and I don’t know if I ever could again.” Michael’s eyes noticed offhand that she was still wearing her wedding ring. She had said four years- four years later, and she still wore it. She was telling the truth: she really had never let him go. She should have, part of him thought. He would hate to die and know that she was left miserable. Maybe it was because it just was not the time- for whatever reason, he was here. God allowed him to be here, and he hoped he could heal more damage than he would make.
“I won’t leave. Okay? I’m here, and I’m not going to go. I’ve missed you so much. I’ve dreamed about seeing you again all this time. I didn’t ever imagine it would be like this- though I did think that you might have assumed I had died, I never thought of this. I’m here now, and I have no plans to go.” He leaned down and kissed his wife gently on the lips. She pulled him closer, kissing him fiercely back.
“I’m going to call the school and have David and Celina sent back early. We need to talk about… about how to tell them about this. I don’t know how either of them will take this. Celina probably won’t believe it at first, even when she sees you.” Sarah seemed tense now, as though perhaps Michael’s nearness was having the opposite effect.
“What’s wrong, Sarah?” He said gently, turning her back to him by her shoulders. “There’s something else wrong, I can tell. It has been a long time, but I still know you.”
Sarah looked up at him, and he could tell by her eyes she did not want to talk about it. Michael still pushed, just by keeping her gaze. Finally, after a minute, she began to speak quietly. “The woman who shot you… she worked with you. She was… she was my friend… she would babysit for us sometimes, she… she took care of David and Celina…” Her voice cracked, and Michael kept his hands on her shoulders, applying a gentle pressure as if to remind her that he was here next to her. “We… had gotten really stressed. My job was getting more demanding, and you were having to neglect yours to help with the children. You could have made more money, but you wanted to be with the kids more than you wanted the money. That… that was such a special thing, but I didn’t see that at the time. I resented it a little, that I had to work more and even then we were tight. We… distanced a little. A lot, really. I know you never stopped caring for me, but I was… I was upset, and the fact we distanced made me more upset, so we ended up being… less romantic together. The fact you didn’t get angry at me for it just made me angrier.” Sarah went quiet, biting her lip until the skin around it was white. She did not want to go on, but she seemed to make up her mind to.
“Chelsea was a friend of mine from where I grew up, and had moved nearby. We were never really close as kids, but we got a lot closer when she moved here. She helped with the kids, and we had her over a lot. She… had been abused by her previous husband… and… you had always been very gentle. I didn’t see it, even when she kept offering to take care of the kids and would visit even when I wasn’t home. I… I came home from work one day around five, you had been home with the kids and they were out playing. She…” Sarah’s voice broke, and Michael felt tears coming to his eyes as he felt- like a knife slowly piercing his skin- what was going to come next. “She was kissing you. Really kissing you… and… and you were kissing back, right in the living room.”
Michael kept his hands on her shoulders by force of will, but the guilt- guilt for something he had not actually done and yet in some very strange way still felt the burden for having done- fell upon him hard. I don’t understand this at all, but I feel like I just regained Sarah and then cheated on her all at once. How could I have done that? What in the name of God was I thinking? “Sarah… I… I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how I could have done that. How could I put anyone, no matter what the circumstances, before you? I’m the luckiest man in the world to have you- I don’t understand it at all. Sarah… please forgive me.”
Sarah looked up, confused herself. “I don’t understand either. You didn’t do it… you’re Michael, but you didn’t do it. But… but you were the same until that day, so … you would have done it. Michael was genuinely so upset about it. He tried to explain, but I wouldn’t listen. I forgave yo- forgave him, because I knew he loved me and I never wanted to let him go. But I was so angry. At him, at… at my friend, for doing that to me! I told you that I wouldn’t leave you, even though you… he… said he would if I asked, but he did not want to. It took him a while to convince me that. I said that I would stay, but that he would have to make it clear to Chelsea that she was never to see him, or any of us, again. He had to break off all friendship and ties with her- and we would get a restraining order if she pushed it. You agreed. You… you didn’t even argue once. You called her that night. The next day… after work… she came to you as you were going to your car. Someone who worked with you said you tried to get her to go, but she insisted you talk with her. Apparently you kept refusing, and was hysterical… she wanted you to leave me and… and you probably didn’t want to hurt her or embarrass her, so you went into the building to talk. She… she had a gun with her… and… she pulled it, at some point, and shot you. I don’t know the details ,because nobody was there… and she would never say anything about it no matter how much she was asked.”
Michael took a long breath. “I don’t know what to say, Sarah… I…” Sarah’s finger touched his lips softly.
“I’ve been so angry since then, at myself. I felt like… like I got you killed. If maybe I’d just let you go, or… or handled it differently… or maybe even just confronted her myself, maybe at least I would be the one dead instead of you. It’s my fault for the choices I made, for making you feel… for not being there and, and the fact you needed to kiss her because I wouldn’t… kiss you…” Sarah was crying again, and flinched when Michael held her shoulders tightly.
“Stop it. How dare you take the blame for that. You’re responsible for your choices, yes, but you aren’t responsible for his… for mine… at all. I… I have to accept that if I had been here, I would have done that. I can’t understand it at all, but, I have to believe that if I had lived through what… he… lived through, I would understand. I don’t really want to understand, though. I am a different person. I’ve… I’ve had to decide to put a man to death. It was all my decision- I was the only trained psychologist, and I had to deem that he was mentally unstable and was a threat to our lives. He was dangerous, and someone else executed him based on their military authority, but… it was me who said the words that had him shot. I’ve lived every day of my life since ten years ago for you, for Celina, and for David. The man I am, Sarah, would sooner take a bullet over again than be untrue to you. I am Michael… I’m the man you married… but… I’m not the man you were married to from August 2010 on. From that point on we became different men. I don’t know if that makes sense, and I barely understand it myself, but that is the best way I can put it.” Michael’s words grew steadily more sure and confident as he spoke. Sarah watched him with large eyes, and then wrapped her arms around him.
“It’s going to take some time. Please understand. This is going to be so hard to get used to, Michael. To separate you now, from the you I knew until four years ago… it will take a lot of time.” Sarah’s plaintive expression moved Michael’s heart deeply.
“Sarah, I have waited ten years to see your face again. Patience is something I have learned very, very well.”



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