Catching Idle Butterflies

Waiting times

What I like most about my “Application Study Bible” by Tyndale is all the notes added to many of the scriptural passages. It not only clarifies the meaning of that passage, but sometimes adds a bit of history of who wrote it and why, as well as mentioning other similar passages.

It also adds at the beginning of certain chapters the theme.

Lesson 11 of “Write His Answer” is entitled “Going and Growing through the Hurts,” and at the end listed Psalm 40; Romans 5:3-5; and James 1:2-4 for my scriptural reading.

What struck me though, was the theme written above Psalm 40 in my Bible: “Doing God’s will sometimes means waiting patiently. While we wait, we can love God, serve others, and tell others about him.”

Waiting times do not mean we sit around as we would in a doctor’s office, waiting to be healed or given the news we need. By continuing to do God’s will even while we hurt, we may find our answers and our healing by serving and healing others.

Also James 1:2-4 didn’t pop out at me as much as James 1:5-8: If you need wisdom--if you want to know what God wants you to do--ask him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. But when you ask him, be sure that you really expect him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. They can't make up their minds. They waver back and forth in everything they do.

This lesson has taken a long time to sink in, and I’m sure I’ll need reminding again. I’ve asked God again and again about this pregnancy thing, but even so, I have those niggling doubts.

Until a few days ago. Dave received his latest numbers, and they were much lower than before; to the point our doctor recommended we consider ICVF(?) or some other acronym, which basically means artificial insemination. At $12,000 not including air-fare, time off work etc, that gives us both pause. We don’t have that kind of cash, and I always promised myself I’d pay only one mortgage on my house, thank you.

Sure, I was saddened by the news, Dave more so. But within a few hours, I realized, “It’s just a number.” Low or not, we still have a chance, and I think it’s greater than our doctor thinks. Besides, with the procedure he recommended, the percentage of success, taking into consideration my age, is 44% chance of pregnancy, but only a 26% chance of delivery. I don’t like those odds, not for 12 grand.

Instead of my hopes being dashed by this news, it increased. I now know it’s all in God’s hands now. If He wants me to have the procedure, then He’ll provide the means. He did last time.

If not, well, we’ll let nature take its course. If a child results, great, but if not, as long as we continue to lean on God, He will fulfill our lives with something different - and without regrets.