Starting Over...

Still scared (blast it all)

It seems that nothing, NOTHING can calm my nerves. I'm at the beach for pity's sake and I still feel those rushes of panic. I used to be so good at letting things go, positive visualization, blah, blah, blah.

I had the most fantastic imagination as a child, complete with fairies and talking animals. It was such a critical coping mechanism for me because living with my family was like walking through a minefield. When I made a mistake I never knew if I'd be comforted or smacked across the face.

I wish I could say things are different now, but it seems my parents' scary home has taken over the entire world. Nothing feels safe or stable. The answer to everything now is,"You're an adult! Deal with it!" Nothing has really changed except there is no longer an escape.