Break the Cycle

Trigger: Site drama

2007 has been a rather crappy year for anger managment. Why? Well, the drama on this site hasn't really let up, and I've witnessed a lot of it even with taking a week off from active participation. Now it might seem ridiculous to include the site in a journal about my personal issues. Thing is, I devote a shitload of time to the site, even when I work about 21 hours a week at Home Depot and am taking five college courses. So, it's a pretty big chunk of my life, especially when mi amor and I chat through the site's IM system. This system is easier for multitasking, something of which we're both guilty...or is that not guilty? I'll let you decide. With all that rambling out of the way, what exactly is pissing me off about the site? Let me count the ways.

A lot of mod bitching about the site. I have no patience for your emo grumblings. If I want to see emo shit, then I watch any episode of Heroes in which Peter Petrelli gets a shitload of screen time. In that case, his brand of emo provides a foundation for some great plot twists and comic relief. That said, if you're a mod and you want to bitch about the site, then for god's sake have a little discretion. This complaining is so overabundant I have had it. Right now, I'm debating if my mod efforts are worth it. I'm giving myself a year to think it over. Why? Well....

Along with the emo mod overload, a general surge in bitching has reached me through e-mail, forum posts and other methods of site communication. I have said it before, and I guess I need to say it again.

I AM NOT SUPER STIKY!

I can only handle so much shit before I go wacko. Right now, I'm only keeping from going wacko is through staying busy and thinking about TV shows. One more e-mail, though, and I just might do something stupid enough to get myself demoted. Whether it's threatening someone for crossing mi amor's path or verbally ripping someone a new anus because (s)he doesn't have the cajones to handle a dispute without my help. Ultimately it's a dog eat dog world, even online. These people need to look out for themselves. Mods can help, but for the love of everything worth a damn, we can't do it all! People don't understand that mods are human, and we don't always have the resources available to solve your problems. Besides, in social conflicts, you pissants need to figure it out for yourselves sometimes. See why I wonder sometimes?

On top of all that, I'm trying to reconcile myself to the fact that no one bothers to read anymore. Tech writers can cover their asses until the cows come home, but someone's still going to cry "Lawsuit!" or "Censorship!" Why? They don't bother to read the instructions. Here, instructions include the Content Rating System, Membership Agreement, Getting Started, Copyright policy, rules for the forums and so on. So next time your post in the General Discussion gets suspended for the word "stupid" and/or an offsite e-mail/website, remember it's your fault. We keep an eye out on shit like that not because we have nothing to do, but we like to hang out there, as you may have seen from the mods who come in and greet people. So get over yourselves and think before you leap.

Now that I've discussed what about site drama sets me off, I might as well discuss what it does to me. Lately, I've been slipping back into my world of violent daydreams, as there have been several people to whom I've wanted to scream, knock out with a 10 lb. crow bar, pull a gun on, shit like that...and that's just here. Let's not even begin to get into the people at work and school that make me want to throw every last one of them off any tall structure I can find. It's been agitating me, putting me in dark moods when I walk into work. Work does help in the aspect that if I do any heavy lifting, I curiously feel better. School, though? The site drama is simply pushed aside as I endure the class drama. The only thing I've noticed helps is to continue to do my duties and withdraw from the social aspect. I feel like I'm only doing half my job. So, there's only one thing left to do, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I'm going to confront every last person on this site who has triggered me to gaze at my knife block in longing. Better to face my tongue than my iron fist.